Til Death Do Us Part.

Steve Gentry

[0:00] Welcome to Village Church. [0:01] If this is your first time here, my name’s Steve. [0:02] I’m one of the pastors here at Village Church [0:05] and I’m always thankful and grateful [0:06] to see each and every one of you. [0:08] If you have your Bibles,

[0:09] go ahead and open them to Matthew chapter 19. [0:11] We’re gonna be starting in verse three this morning. [0:14] But over this week and next week, [0:16] we’re gonna be dealing specifically [0:18] with the subject of marriage. [0:20] It’s probably going to be a little different

[0:22] than what you’ve, maybe if you’ve been in church [0:25] any period of time, what you’ve experienced in the past. [0:28] My goal is not to give you tips [0:32] on how to function within your relationship better. [0:36] My goal is not to give you tips [0:38] on how to just simply act in a better way

[0:41] as a better husband or act in a better way [0:43] as to love your wife. [0:44] But instead, this week and next week, [0:46] my hope is to bring you two perspectives. [0:50] First, a pastoral perspective about the wedding vows [0:55] that you either made, will make, or hope to make

[0:59] someday on your wedding day. [1:01] And then secondary, the view of God [1:06] who primarily brings us marriage [1:09] as a testimony about who he is. [1:13] And so I believe that the issue with marriage [1:16] for most of you, because let’s be honest,

[1:19] we don’t have a room like this [1:21] and all of you are just like, we’re good. [1:24] Hitting it out of the park. [1:26] I’m the best husband that’s ever been, [1:28] she’s the best wife that’s ever been, we’re great. [1:30] I know you want me to think that every Sunday.

[1:34] But because of what I experience Monday through Saturday [1:38] with phone calls, meetings, and weeping and gnashing of teeth, [1:42] I realize that a great number of the marriages [1:46] in this room and in this church, [1:49] and specifically in our culture all around us, [1:52] are either struggling on the last thread

[1:56] right before one of you files for divorce, [1:59] or you just simply aren’t as happy [2:03] as you think you should be with the person [2:06] that you made wedding vows with one day, [2:09] either very soon before this or very long ago. [2:13] Because in my experience, time and length of marriage

[2:17] is not necessarily an indicator of health of marriage. [2:21] I’ve seen marriages struggle within three weeks, [2:26] sometimes three days. [2:27] I’ve seen marriages struggle after 30 and 40 years. [2:31] The issue all the time, and I think Jesus is going [2:34] to prove that with us, is that we are looking for duct tape.

[2:39] We’re looking for something that can fix it right here, [2:43] right now, in the next five minutes. [2:45] And what Jesus offers us though, [2:48] is a realization that we need a complete overhaul. [2:51] We need the engine pulled, we need the transmission pulled, [2:55] we need the entire body taken apart,

[2:57] and we need everything put back together, [3:00] because your problem is not primarily your communication. [3:04] The problem is not primarily the way that you argue. [3:09] The problem is not primarily how you spend your money. [3:12] The problem is not primarily a date night. [3:17] I want to be clear on that.

[3:19] You could have a date night every night of the week, [3:22] and you’re still gonna get a divorce, [3:25] if that’s your solution.

[3:28] The problem is primarily that you think [3:32] marriage is about you.

[3:35] The problem primarily is that you think you too [3:40] are the centerpiece of what marriage is, [3:44] and your commitment to one another [3:46] is going to last you the rest of your life. [3:48] If you want your marriage to be God-honoring [3:51] in the way that it was designed to be,

[3:54] you need to bring into it an understanding [3:57] that the centerpiece of every marriage is God himself, [4:02] that he is the author of it, he’s the definer of it, [4:05] he’s the one to whom the commitments are made. [4:09] Every time I perform a marriage ceremony, [4:12] I very early on in the ceremony say

[4:15] the vows that are made this morning or this evening, [4:18] whenever it happens to be, are primarily to God, [4:22] and only then are they to one another. [4:24] When you bring into your marriage an understanding [4:27] that your marriage is about God before it’s ever about you, [4:33] it will necessarily change the perspective and the lenses

[4:37] through which you’re viewing your fulfillment, [4:40] your satisfaction, and ultimately the role of your spouse [4:44] in your life, in your life, in your spouse’s life. [4:48] So I wanna take a look at Matthew chapter 19. [4:51] Jesus is being questioned by the Pharisees, [4:54] and in verse three we begin where he says,

[4:56] “’The Pharisees came up to him, Jesus, [4:58] “’and tested him by asking, [5:01] “‘Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?’ [5:07] And I love how hard we are on the Pharisees.

[5:12] When the Pharisees ask a question [5:13] that I get asked all the time, [5:16] do you think it’s time? [5:18] Do you think that there is a reason for divorce? [5:22] Well, what if they do this? [5:23] Well, what if they do that?

[5:25] Well, what if? [5:26] This is the question that we continuously ask [5:29] about marriage, and it just so happens [5:31] that the Pharisees are bringing it to Jesus. [5:34] And he, Jesus answered, [5:37] “’Have you not read that he who created them

[5:40] “’from the beginning made them male and female, [5:43] “’and said, therefore, a man shall leave his father [5:47] “’and his mother and hold fast to his wife, [5:49] “’and the two shall become one flesh. [5:52] “’So they are no longer two, but one flesh. [5:57] “’What therefore God has joined together,

[6:01] “‘let no man separate.’” [6:03] Pray with me. [6:05] Father, Lord, soon after you created male and female, [6:11] you ordained the institution [6:14] and made the covenant of marriage.

[6:18] Lord, from the beginning it has been so, [6:20] and my prayer is, is that you would give us a vision [6:25] that marriage is a covenant that we make with you. [6:28] Therefore, it is vital to our life of worship. [6:31] It is vital to our life in following Jesus, [6:35] and it is vital to being used by you

[6:38] to tell the world the good news of Jesus Christ. [6:42] Be merciful to me, a sinner. [6:44] In the name of Jesus, I pray, amen.

[6:48] Marriage is not a romantic comedy. [6:51] Let me be very clear about that. [6:54] Maranac comedies are a lot of fun. [6:56] I’m not gonna have my man card taken away. [6:59] I’ve got three kids, I don’t really care either way.

[7:02] But romantic comedies are kind of cool sometimes, [7:05] and then they’re kind of fun, and you watch them, [7:07] and they all follow the exact same formula, [7:10] yet we watch them over and over and over again. [7:13] There’s a guy and a girl, [7:14] and they get together through some crazy means,

[7:16] and we’re like, oh my goodness, if she finds out, [7:18] or oh my goodness, if he finds out, [7:20] and then somewhere halfway through, he or she finds out, [7:23] and then somebody’s the victim, [7:25] and then the person that was the antagonist, [7:27] well, now he’s the protagonist,

[7:28] because he’s gonna win her heart, [7:30] and he’s the hero, and he sweeps in, [7:32] and he comes, and he says something [7:33] that’s really ooey gooey, [7:34] and it’s just this beautiful testimony, [7:36] and she’s like, how can I trust you?

[7:38] And he’s like, because of this, [7:39] and he does something that’s crazy, [7:41] punches the guy in the face or something, [7:43] which, why in the world does that bring you trust in someone? [7:47] But, and then they get together, [7:49] and then the view is, oh, happily ever after,

[7:52] and then in the sequel, they get married, [7:53] and they just repeat the whole thing over again. [7:55] And the reality is that many of you, [8:01] you’re not gonna admit this, [8:04] but when you got together with your spouse, [8:06] or many of you, when you look into the future

[8:09] in your spouse, you are playing a romantic comedy [8:13] in your mind as to how your relationship is going to go. [8:18] You are going to be very, very disappointed, [8:23] because that’s not the way that it goes. [8:25] That’s not the way that it was designed to go.

[8:29] You are not a victim of love, [8:33] nor are you the hero of love. [8:38] You are a person who was designed by God [8:44] to find your ultimate satisfaction and joy, [8:48] fulfillment and completion in your relationship [8:52] with God that’s restored through the gospel of Jesus Christ.

[8:55] And in that, you are called to follow Jesus in obedience. [9:00] And a part of that is that your sexuality [9:04] is redeemed with it, and you are to commit to a person [9:08] if that is the burning desire [9:11] that First Corinthians seven talks about, [9:13] and if you don’t know what that’s about, go read that.

[9:15] I don’t have the time to get into the burn. [9:17] But if you’re feeling that burn, you get married, [9:20] while still finding your fulfillment in God [9:23] and giving your love from God to that other person. [9:27] That’s ultimately a very simplistic explanation. [9:31] That’s what marriage is all about.

[9:33] No other human being is ever going to fulfill your longings. [9:40] They weren’t designed to. [9:43] What’s going to happen is there are going to be [9:46] a couple of moments where it feels as though [9:49] you are fully complete, and then five minutes later, [9:53] you find their underpants on the floor, and you hate them.

[9:58] All right, that’s marriage. [10:01] That’s the reality of what we’re talking about this morning. [10:04] And I say that in jest, but I believe marriage [10:07] is an absolutely beautiful thing designed by God [10:12] to be about him primarily, and you are to enter into it [10:18] with an understanding of sin, with an understanding

[10:22] of Jesus, with an understanding of someone else, [10:26] and with an understanding of what you were designed [10:28] to live your life through, all right? [10:31] Dan Doriani, a commentator on Matthew, [10:34] remarks that marriage is threatened by many things, [10:37] and the Pharisees just kind of lay it right

[10:39] at Jesus’ feet being very honest about marriage. [10:42] Marriage is threatened by a bad start, [10:45] marriage is threatened by sin, [10:46] marriage is threatened by a myriad of evils [10:49] that settle at our door, and marriage is even threatened [10:52] by boredom, so it’s really no wonder

[10:56] that the Pharisees present this question to Jesus. [11:00] When they bring it to them and they say, [11:02] Jesus, when is it lawful to get a divorce? [11:06] And this question stands as a monument to everything [11:10] that is wrong with our view of life. [11:14] Quite often, we are looking for a way out

[11:16] because the way further in looks way too tough. [11:21] But my hope is that through a lens [11:23] of the good news of Jesus Christ, [11:24] we can hope to redeem not just our view of marriage, [11:29] but our practice of marriage, but to redeem our view [11:33] of marriage, we must hope to have the gospel restore us,

[11:39] and then it will move into restoring our marriages [11:42] to what God has designed them to be. [11:45] So to begin with this morning, I want every one of us [11:48] to understand that we need to repent. [11:51] We need to repent of looking primarily [11:54] for what our collective marriages mean to us

[11:57] in happiness, fulfillment, romance, intimacy, [12:02] sexuality, sentimentality, and satisfaction. [12:06] We must recover that marriage is about God, [12:10] and only then is it about us. [12:12] Now, I also want to be very clear. [12:14] Today, we’re gonna be dealing with God.

[12:17] Next week, we’re going to be dealing with you, [12:20] and I’m preaching these sermons with an understanding [12:23] that there are many people who are part of Village Church, [12:27] members of Village Church, who have at one time or another [12:30] been through a divorce. [12:32] And so my hope is that you will come into this

[12:36] and kind of throw off the selfishness [12:40] that would tell you to get angry. [12:42] When I deal with the reality of the sin of divorce, [12:47] when I deal with the pain of divorce, I hate divorce. [12:51] And if you’ve been through divorce, I bet it wasn’t fun.

[12:57] I bet it wasn’t, well, I had a great time [12:59] on my last divorce. [13:00] It was just so much fun. [13:01] If that’s you, you’re sick, and I want to talk to you [13:03] afterwards and explain to you why you need Jesus. [13:05] But if you’re a human, and you’ve been through a divorce,

[13:09] my bet is that you hate it, that it wasn’t fun, [13:14] that it was miserable, it came close to ruining [13:18] everything about you. [13:19] And so my hope is that you hate it even more than I do [13:22] because I’ve never been through that. [13:23] By God’s grace, I haven’t.

[13:25] And so my hope is that we can come together, [13:28] and we can say, okay, that has happened. [13:31] How do we move forward from there [13:35] through the grace of Jesus Christ? [13:37] And step one, which is number one this morning, [13:40] is that you need to understand and redeem your view

[13:42] by understanding that marriage is a covenant [13:44] primarily to God. [13:47] Marriage is a covenant primarily to God. [13:50] When Jesus makes the statement, from the beginning, [13:55] that’s a very important statement for you to look at. [13:59] When he says things like that, he is speaking

[14:02] to design and purpose. [14:05] He’s speaking to what it was originally intended to be. [14:09] And here’s how the gospel works. [14:12] In the Bible, we have the narrative [14:13] of the gospel of Jesus Christ. [14:15] We begin with creation, then we move very quickly

[14:18] to the fall, our sin, falling away from God [14:22] through disobedience, then we have that long march [14:25] to redemption in Jesus Christ, and then in Jesus Christ, [14:29] the rest of the New Testament, unpacks restoration, [14:32] how we are being restored to the kingdom of Jesus. [14:36] And in that is this understanding that when Jesus

[14:40] and other authors say from the beginning, [14:42] they’re pointing to the kingdom ethic. [14:45] And Jesus is saying that your hope in him [14:48] is to have this original view, this original design [14:53] restored by God. [14:55] And what happens to us so often is is that we don’t have

[14:58] a from the beginning ethic because we start [15:01] on the wrong foot. [15:03] And I want to point really quickly to the wedding day. [15:06] It’s something that I take part in. [15:08] It’s something that if you’re married, you had one. [15:11] But the wedding day, is it not all about perfection?

[15:15] I mean, everything’s got to be just right. [15:18] We don’t want anything to be or go wrong. [15:23] I mean, from the dress to the venue to the catering, [15:27] and yes, even the weather. [15:29] Why do you keep planning outdoor weddings? [15:32] I just, I go and there’s like, I just hope it doesn’t rain.

[15:37] Well, if you had planned it to be indoors, [15:39] that wouldn’t be a worry.

[15:42] But I digress.

[15:45] And as some of you are like, because it’s pretty.

[15:49] I know.

[15:52] Don’t worry, all right, I’ll come. [15:55] I’ll officiate, all right. [15:56] If it’s outside, it’s okay. [15:57] Let’s have some fun. [15:59] All right, here’s the reality. [16:01] For the wedding day to be perfect, here’s what we do.

[16:04] We look inwardly, and we look horizontally [16:09] at all of the things. [16:10] And then for about 15 or 25 minutes, [16:14] there’s an interlude about God. [16:18] But the hours and days and months before the wedding [16:23] are all about you.

[16:25] As soon as the interlude about God ends, [16:30] again, it’s all about you.

[16:34] And when you’re looking inwardly and horizontally [16:37] to the wedding day to be perfect, [16:40] that perfection quite often is as good [16:43] as it’s ever gonna get.

[16:46] Because very quickly you find out that the way [16:49] that you felt on your wedding day, it fades. [16:53] It doesn’t last. [16:55] I mean, that romantic feeling where you were the princess [16:58] or you were the prince, it fades. [17:03] And it’s not enough to endure you through 10, 15, 20,

[17:09] 30, 40, 50, by God’s grace, maybe even 60 or 70 years [17:13] on this earth of love. [17:17] And so I truly believe that we need to hit [17:19] the refresh button on just about everything [17:21] for how we view dating to the premarital activities [17:25] to the day and yes to the first few years of marriage.

[17:29] And to do that, I want you to focus in [17:32] on what Jesus’ response to such an important [17:35] and vital question from the Pharisees really was. [17:39] What they wanted was a practical answer. [17:44] And Jesus gave them an epistemic retort [17:47] about fundamental thinking.

[17:51] Friend, the answer isn’t going to be found [17:53] usually in the reasons. [17:55] You need to look for the purpose. [17:58] You need to look for why you’re getting married [18:00] in the first place. [18:03] You need to look at the reality that quite frankly,

[18:08] you could spend, and I’m making no judgments here,

[18:14] you could spend $50,000 on a wedding [18:19] and be just as prone to divorce [18:22] or maybe even more prone to divorce

[18:26] than a person that spent less than $1,000 on their wedding. [18:30] Because it is in no way about that day. [18:34] It is about who you are in comparison to your faith in God [18:41] and who that person is in the same lens. [18:45] To do that, you need to go to the beginning [18:47] and if you get the design and purpose of marriage wrong,

[18:50] then you will get the function within your marriage wrong. [18:55] Your actions, understand that your actions [18:59] in marriage forecast to the world [19:02] what you believe about God. [19:05] He says, he who created them.

[19:12] You notice that. [19:14] The Pharisees come and they say, tell me [19:18] what can happen in my life [19:21] so that I can get a lawful divorce. [19:25] And Jesus looks to them and he doesn’t talk about them. [19:29] He talks about God.

[19:33] And when he says he who created them, [19:35] he’s speaking specifically to original design. [19:39] There needs to be a restoration [19:41] of why you get married in the first place. [19:44] I mean, so let’s look at it. [19:45] What does he say from the beginning in Genesis 1.27?

[19:49] We have the very creation of man and woman. [19:53] So he, God, created them in his image. [19:58] The image of God, he created him. [20:00] Male and female, he created them. [20:03] And so we see very early on, what were we designed to do? [20:07] We were designed to be the image of God

[20:11] for all creation to see in us who God is. [20:17] Then in Genesis 2.23-25, after God steps back [20:21] for the first time, he doesn’t say what he just made [20:24] is good, and I always joke in weddings [20:26] that women understand what he meant by that [20:29] when he doesn’t call the man by himself good.

[20:32] And then he steps back and he creates woman. [20:35] And Adam sings a romance song. [20:40] He sings in Genesis 2.23. [20:42] “’This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. [20:45] “’She shall be called woman [20:46] “‘because she was taken out of man.’”

[20:50] But note what he says next. [20:52] “‘Therefore, because of this,’ [20:55] and if you ever want to understand gender roles in marriage, [20:58] it must be based on this verse. [21:01] This is why it is about man and woman. [21:04] He says, “’A man shall leave his father and his mother

[21:08] “’and hold fast to his wife, [21:10] “‘and they shall become one flesh.’ [21:13] And the man and his wife were both naked and not ashamed. [21:18] So there it is. [21:20] That is what marriage was intended to be [21:24] from the beginning.

[21:27] And it was never intended to be any other way, [21:30] but what has marred that? [21:31] What has marred that is sin. [21:34] And so originally, when God created man and woman, [21:38] we were created to compliment one another. [21:41] We are distinct enough to keep it interesting,

[21:45] if you know what I mean, [21:47] and similar enough for comfort. [21:52] This is literally the design from heaven. [21:57] It was made by God. [22:00] And that is why when God makes the statement, [22:02] leave and hold fast,

[22:06] it is not about making much of you. [22:10] It is about God’s design and making much of him. [22:16] You see, friend, when your view starts with you,

[22:20] you start with imperfection. [22:23] You start with sin.

[22:26] You start with someone who is going to disappoint. [22:32] You start with bringing your dissatisfaction in. [22:37] You start with bringing your default mode [22:40] to disconnect from the source of life [22:43] rather than being connected to the source of life, [22:46] because that’s what sin does.

[22:48] When Adam and Eve sinned against God, [22:49] it disconnected them from the source of life in God. [22:52] And very quickly, what do they do? [22:55] She did it.

[22:58] Boom, the first fight.

[23:05] And so when we make ourselves the focus,

[23:10] we’re already starting disconnected. [23:13] We’re already starting with disappointment, [23:15] because that’s the default mode of sin. [23:18] But when you start with a proper view of God, [23:21] even your desire to disconnect can be fought with hope. [23:27] Why?

[23:28] Because God constantly offers reconciliation [23:32] through his work on the cross. [23:34] Therefore, a covenant with God at the centerpiece [23:39] always, always, always carries with it [23:43] a vision of reconciliation. [23:47] And so if you want to redeem your view of marriage,

[23:52] then it must have the same view, the same passion, [23:57] the same mission for reconciliation that God has, [24:03] which is robust. [24:05] Look at the lengths to which God has gone [24:07] to reconcile our relationship with him. [24:10] Therefore, in a marriage that is focused

[24:13] on the gospel of Jesus Christ, [24:14] you cannot help but have a vision for reconciliation. [24:20] Number two this morning, marriage is a proclamation [24:23] that only God can complete us. [24:25] Marriage is a proclamation that only God can complete us. [24:29] Know what he says in verse five.

[24:30] He says, therefore, a man shall leave his father [24:32] and mother and hold fast to his wife, [24:34] and the two shall become one flesh. [24:37] Togetherness, unity, two seen as one, inseparable. [24:43] In verse six, so they are no longer two but one flesh. [24:46] What therefore, God has joined together,

[24:49] let not man separate. [24:51] All right, when you exegete that passage, it means that.

[24:57] I mean, there’s really no mystery there. [25:00] What God has joined together, okay, so God joins it. [25:05] He says, let no man separate.

[25:10] Don’t do this, right, it’s together. [25:14] So this is a complete rebuke [25:17] of the question of the Pharisees, to be clear. [25:22] Because they’re looking for a way out, [25:23] and Jesus says, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. [25:26] God designed it for you to constantly be looking

[25:28] for a way in. [25:29] You do not start by looking to get a part. [25:32] You start by looking to get in. [25:35] He continues, [25:37] they said to him, I mean, did you imagine God [25:41] of the universe standing in front of you,

[25:42] giving you just gold? [25:45] You’re like, but,

[25:49] Jesus is so gracious. [25:51] I’m not, I would have just lit them all on fire. [25:56] And been like, oh, seriously, you got a comeback? [25:58] Woosh, how does that feel, Pharisees?

[26:03] They said to him, why then did Moses command one [26:07] to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?

[26:12] Maybe it’s a valid question, I mean, read Deuteronomy. [26:15] And here Jesus says back to him, he says, [26:17] because of your hardness of heart, [26:21] Moses allowed you to divorce your wives. [26:23] But from the beginning, it was not so. [26:25] And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife,

[26:28] and we’re gonna deal with this next week, [26:30] except for sexual immorality, [26:31] and marries another, commits adultery. [26:35] And so Jesus brings in reconciliation [26:38] over and over and over again, [26:40] and these guys are jonesing for a divorce,

[26:43] and they’re like, but Moses. [26:45] And Jesus should be like, but I’m Jesus.

[26:50] Jesus basically looks to them and says, [26:52] well, there’s a promenade for divorce in the Old Testament, [26:54] there’s a way to do it. [26:54] And Jesus says, no, you don’t understand. [26:56] That was not God’s design. [26:58] What was happening in the Old Testament was,

[27:01] is that men were just throwing their wives off [27:04] for any reason under the sun. [27:05] I mean, literally, in the Phariseeical law, [27:07] if you read it, if she burned dinner, I’m done.

[27:14] And so Moses comes in, [27:16] and this is part of the civic law of the Old Testament, [27:18] that Moses comes in because of their sin, [27:21] and says, you stop it unless, [27:24] and here is how you do it [27:26] so that our society doesn’t crumble.

[27:29] It had nothing to do with the fact that God’s like, [27:32] well, I guess I was wrong. [27:35] And everything to do with keeping people from abandoning [27:39] and leaving their spouses completely impoverished. [27:44] So how did we get there? [27:46] Because we have the same issue.

[27:49] We have the same issue. [27:49] You just don’t understand, I can’t live with him. [27:52] You just don’t understand, I can’t live with her. [27:55] I mean, you can’t believe what she did the other day. [27:58] I packed my lunch, and when I got to work, [28:02] the drink was missing.

[28:05] It’s disrespectful.

[28:09] Do you have 50 cents, dude? [28:11] It’s just like the issues that bring us to divorce [28:14] should show us how large our sin debt to God is. [28:20] Because we’ve got Jesus who’s not burning people alive here, [28:24] and then we’ve got us that if my eggs are over easy [28:27] rather than over medium, I’m calling the lawyer,

[28:31] and I’m looking for a way out. [28:33] And what I believe has started that problem is [28:35] is that we have the myth of the one.

[28:39] The myth of the one. [28:41] Friends, I wanna tell you something. [28:42] I’m gonna break some of your hearts on purpose. [28:45] It’s gonna be the most loving thing I could do. [28:46] There’s no soulmate.

[28:49] That’s a myth. [28:50] You do not have a soulmate, [28:52] and there are some of you out there [28:53] and looking at your spouse, don’t worry, he’s wrong. [28:54] You’re my soulmate. [28:55] No, they aren’t.

[28:58] You’re wrong.

[29:01] When you begin with a truncated view of marriage [29:03] based on your unique individualism, [29:07] you will be stuck thinking that there’s one person [29:10] in the world that you were meant to marry. [29:13] And if you do not find that one person, [29:15] then there is no hope.

[29:17] Now, don’t misunderstand me. [29:18] I am a good Calvinist, [29:20] so I believe that God has predestined who you will marry. [29:24] But when you begin with a God-centered view of marriage, [29:27] your view is different. [29:29] It ceases to be about your soulmate,

[29:31] and it changes to finding a person to glorify God with. [29:36] I want you to understand something. [29:38] The term till death [29:41] does not have a qualification about compatibility.

[29:48] It does not have that. [29:50] And so when you go through life thinking, [29:54] I’ve got to find the one, [29:57] and we all did it. [29:59] I thought I found her in like the fifth grade. [30:02] I have no idea where she is now.

[30:04] I don’t even remember her last name.

[30:08] But when you go through life thinking, [30:11] I’ve got to find the one, let me fill you in. [30:14] As soon as that person’s sin presents at your door, [30:17] you will be thinking I found the wrong one.

[30:22] And you’ll say something stupid, [30:24] like I’ve heard it before. [30:25] Well, that marriage was not God’s will, [30:28] and so the only way for me to get in God’s will [30:30] is to divorce them and find God’s will. [30:34] That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.

[30:38] This is completely wrong. [30:41] If you are married, [30:44] and here’s what I want you to understand, [30:45] you’re married right now. [30:47] The person that you are married to, [30:51] that is God’s will for your life,

[30:53] for the rest of your life. [30:54] I want to be clear. [30:57] I believe that is what scripture points us to. [30:59] When it says what God has joined together, [31:02] let no man separate. [31:04] See, because divorce is often a statement

[31:07] about where you are seeking satisfaction. [31:10] You see, Jesus sought to restore a proper view of marriage [31:13] by grounding it in the decree of God. [31:17] This is a God of covenant. [31:20] And when your fulfillment is sought in a person, [31:22] i.e. the one,

[31:24] what do you do when that person disappoints you?

[31:28] What do you do when that person angers you? [31:31] What do you do when that person changes? [31:34] What do you do when that person gets fat?

[31:37] What do you do when that person goes bankrupt?

[31:42] What do you do? [31:44] Because when you talk about the one, [31:46] you’re talking about your God, [31:47] you’re talking about your personal savior. [31:49] You’re talking about the person [31:50] that’s going to take your dark days

[31:51] and make them bright again. [31:53] You’re talking about the person [31:53] that’s going to completely fulfill you. [31:55] And when that person has the audacity [31:58] to go through that McDonald’s drive-through [31:59] one too many times,

[32:02] and you just ain’t liking the way they look [32:03] in their underwear as much as you did last week,

[32:09] the one very quickly becomes the wrong one. [32:13] And we like to think that the Pharisees [32:15] were so much different than we are, [32:17] but Jesus confronts them with our own personal false gods. [32:22] That’s why Jesus is because of your hardness of heart. [32:27] In other words, people were divorcing

[32:30] for all sorts of reasons, [32:32] and Jesus says something had to be done, [32:34] but it was not because that is God’s way for you. [32:37] Friend, when God is the source of your life, [32:40] He is the fulfillment. [32:41] He is the satisfaction.

[32:44] And we’re going to talk more about no fault divorce [32:48] and irreconcilable differences next week, [32:52] but the reality is that divorce runs rampant, [32:54] even in the church, [32:55] because we view our personal individual desires [33:00] as greater than the good of our marriages.

[33:04] Your happiness is not the most important thing [33:09] in your life. [33:12] It is not, and it never will be. [33:15] Your relationship to God, your worship to God, [33:18] is because that’s about joy. [33:20] So when the husband wants to waste his life on hobbies,

[33:25] or when the wife wants more girl time [33:28] than she currently has,

[33:32] in our society, divorce court is an option. [33:36] But the voice of Jesus speaks into that situation [33:39] and says, what God has joined together, [33:42] let no man separate. [33:44] And that means you.

[33:48] It means you. [33:49] Marriage is about a love that only God can fulfill. [33:53] If God is the centerpiece of the covenant, [33:55] then it is He who’s fulfilling the lives of each spouse. [33:59] So in Ephesians five, [34:01] just kind of like the landmark passage,

[34:04] Paul calls marriage a mystery, and it really is. [34:07] I found that out about very early on. [34:09] I was like, this is a mystery, I don’t understand it. [34:12] It’s a mystery too great for me. [34:14] I realized how dumb I was about six days into my marriage. [34:18] I had no idea what was going on.

[34:20] In verse 31 of Ephesians five, here’s what Paul says. [34:22] He says, therefore, a man shall leave his father [34:25] and mother and hold fast to his wife [34:26] and the two shall become one flesh. [34:27] There it is again. [34:30] I mean, these people keep quoting Genesis.

[34:32] It’s as if it’s applicable to today. [34:35] This mystery. [34:37] This mystery is profound. [34:42] And I am saying that it refers to Christ in the church. [34:44] However, let each one of you love his wife as himself [34:48] and see that the wife, excuse me,

[34:51] and let the wife see that she respects her husband. [34:54] So Jesus makes this huge statement [34:56] that your unique individualism, your unique fulfillment, [35:01] your personal happiness was never God’s point. [35:08] Never. [35:10] From Genesis, God’s purpose of marriage

[35:15] was for a huge picture of the gospel of Jesus [35:20] and his relationship to those whom he would redeem [35:23] in the church would be what is forecast to the world [35:27] through the relationship of a husband and wife. [35:30] The husband representing Jesus Christ, [35:33] the wife representing the church of Jesus Christ.

[35:36] And so when you separate those two, [35:42] Paul says you’re not just making a statement about you.

[35:49] If you claim Christ, you’re making a statement [35:52] about Christ and his faithfulness. [35:55] And so understand, number three this morning, [35:58] marriage is a testimony designed [35:59] to proclaim the faithfulness of God.

[36:04] Marriage is a testimony designed [36:06] to proclaim the faithfulness of God.

[36:12] You see, when your relationship with God [36:14] is reconciled through Jesus, you trust him, [36:17] you put your faith in him, [36:18] you seek to follow Jesus in your life. [36:21] You are seeking to find your fulfillment in him. [36:24] It will not be perfect.

[36:25] It will always be a struggle. [36:27] There will always be temptations [36:29] to find your identity in the wrong thing. [36:31] There will always, for the rest of your life, [36:33] be a tension of who God calls you to be [36:36] and who you actually are right here and right now.

[36:39] But the gospel continuously compels us and says, [36:43] when you find those areas in your life, [36:46] when you see those temptations, [36:48] when you have those tensions pulling you [36:51] from where you want to be [36:53] and where you actually are going in your sin,

[36:55] God says, let the proclamation of the gospel [36:59] be a driving force for you to continuously [37:02] throw your sin off and drive further into Jesus. [37:05] And so, am I saying that if you are currently unhappy [37:09] in your marriage, what do you do? [37:13] Now, so let’s say your unhappiness is guarded

[37:17] simply because you two are incompatible at this point. [37:21] All right, he loves fishing too much, [37:23] you love shopping too much, [37:24] and you have nothing in common [37:26] because you just fight about the two things [37:27] that you love the most.

[37:30] I mean, let’s get real. [37:32] I’m not talking about the outlier issues. [37:34] We’re gonna deal with those next week. [37:37] I’m just talking about the issue of compatibility [37:39] because that’s what I deal with a lot.

[37:43] So, am I having the audacity to tell you this morning [37:46] that you should stay together? [37:47] Yes.

[37:49] But what if we don’t resolve it? [37:51] Stay together. [37:52] But what if we’re the same boat five years from now [37:54] and we’re all right now? [37:55] Stay together. [37:57] But what God has joined together, let no man separate.

[38:01] You should each make it the mission of your life [38:06] to become more compatible.

[38:10] And so, yes, stop fishing.

[38:16] If I had a hobby in my life outside of the gospel [38:19] of Jesus Christ and his church, [38:23] and my wife didn’t want me to do it anymore, [38:24] I would never do it again.

[38:28] I don’t fish, so she’s never asked me to not fish. [38:32] Actually, I think my wife asked me to fish. [38:33] No, I’m just kidding.

[38:35] I would stop. [38:37] Why? [38:37] Because my marriage is more important.

[38:41] So, if you’re a wife and your husband’s like, [38:44] we’re gonna go bankrupt if you buy more shoes. [38:48] We make X, you spend Y, and I’m not good at algebra, [38:54] but the equation ain’t gonna work out.

[38:59] Stop buying shoes!

[39:04] Because your marriage is more important. [39:06] Why? [39:07] Because what God has joined together, let no man separate. [39:12] If your wife doesn’t want you to play fantasy football, [39:14] don’t play fantasy football.

[39:18] If you got weeds in the front yard, [39:21] and your wife’s like, we got weeds in the front yard, [39:24] and your response is, you don’t understand me!

[39:28] Number one, seriously, dude, but number two, [39:33] just say, yeah, we got weeds in the front yard. [39:36] We should do something about that.

[39:43] Marriage is hard work, [39:46] but typically the problems in marriage [39:48] are because you are seeking to be fulfilled by a false God. [39:52] No matter if it’s sex, if it’s money, [39:55] if it’s stability, if it’s boredom, [39:58] or if it’s just plain unhappiness,

[39:59] it is a false God that you are seeking [40:02] to find your fulfillment in.

[40:07] Dude, if she lost 50 pounds, it wouldn’t change anything. [40:12] Bro, if you lost 50 pounds, it wouldn’t change anything, [40:16] because all you would do is replace the false God of thinness [40:19] with the false God of something else that’s wrong. [40:23] The answer is in your relationship with God. [40:26] Do you trust God with your marriage

[40:28] more than you trust yourself? [40:31] Because you could glorify God [40:34] by committing to restore your marriage no matter what. [40:38] Or you could glorify your self-appetite [40:43] by leaving your spouse, [40:46] or attempting to make your spouse so miserable

[40:51] that he or she leaves you. [40:53] And yeah, I’ve seen that too, and it’s despicable.

[40:59] Choose to glorify God more than you glorify yourself, [41:02] because that is what faith in Jesus Christ does.

[41:07] You need a vision for the end. [41:10] No matter whose fault it is, or whose fault it was, [41:15] I want us all to commit here and now [41:18] that we need the gospel to redeem our view, [41:22] belief, and practice of marriage. [41:26] And here’s what I mean by that.

[41:28] In the book of Malachi, the prophet of the Old Testament [41:30] is speaking to Israel during a dark, dark time. [41:34] God wouldn’t accept their offerings, [41:37] God wouldn’t accept their worship, [41:38] and would soon be silent to them for 400 years. [41:43] They were paying him lip service

[41:45] while being totally disobedient. [41:48] In Malachi 2, 13 through 16, [41:50] God speaks this into their lives. [41:54] He says, this second thing you do, [41:56] you cover the Lord’s altar with tears, [41:58] with weeping and groaning

[41:59] because he no longer regards the offering, [42:02] or accepts it with favor from your hand. [42:05] But you say, why does he not? [42:08] Because the Lord was witness between you [42:10] and the wife of your youth, [42:13] to whom you have been faithless.

[42:17] Though she is your companion and your wife by covenant, [42:22] did he not make them one [42:24] with a portion of the spirit in their union? [42:27] And what was the one God seeking? [42:29] Godly offspring. [42:30] So guard yourselves in your spirit,

[42:33] let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. [42:37] For the man who does not love his wife, [42:40] but divorces her, says the Lord, [42:43] the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, [42:46] says the Lord of hosts. [42:47] So guard yourself in your spirit,

[42:50] and do not be faithless.

[42:54] Here’s what I want you to understand. [42:55] In our culture, marriage is a contract. [43:00] It’s a contract. [43:02] It’s complicated to get out of, [43:04] but we obviously know how to do it. [43:08] We cannot view marriage that way

[43:11] and glorify God with them. [43:14] Marriage is a covenant. [43:16] It is sacred. [43:18] It’s by the design of God, [43:21] and it is meant to teach the world about God. [43:25] The gospel also is a covenant,

[43:28] one in which God decrees that he will save us [43:31] through his work and be with us forever. [43:34] He says, he will never leave us, [43:37] and he says, he will never forsake us. [43:40] Marriage is meant to show that level of commitment. [43:47] It is meant to show God’s faithfulness to the world

[43:51] by our faithfulness in marriage. [43:53] When you do that, you tell the world, [43:56] we too are one, just as the gospel says [44:00] that God is one with his church. [44:04] But here’s what happens. [44:05] When we seek an out from our marriage,

[44:11] when we seek an out,

[44:15] or give precedent to our individuality and autonomy [44:19] more than our marriage, [44:21] we are literally telling the world [44:24] what we really believe about the gospel.

[44:29] Friends, till death do us part is a statement about God.

[44:36] You need to have a vision for hard and unhappy times. [44:41] Marriage is not easy.

[44:44] There are tough times and there are some unhappy times. [44:47] I was once told that you don’t get to the good stuff [44:50] in marriage till after about 10 years. [44:53] I passed that a year ago, [44:54] and I’m starting to understand what that means. [44:57] You see, after that period of time,

[44:59] you begin to build a resume.

[45:03] You see each other age.

[45:07] You see kids. [45:10] You fight, you make up, you have great times. [45:15] You have some, let’s be honest, pretty terrible times [45:17] where you wanna be alone. [45:19] And sometimes, there are gonna be times [45:22] when you’re ashamed of yourself.

[45:25] But here’s the deal. [45:26] Through the gospel though, [45:28] you can look at every single one of them in memorial [45:33] and see how faithful God is to steer you [45:36] through each moment.

[45:40] And I’m just getting to where I can see that.

[45:46] When you get out after one, two, three, four years, [45:51] oh, brothers and sisters, I beg you, hold on. [45:55] The good stuff’s coming.

[45:59] Love is a choice.

[46:02] Love is a choice. [46:03] You don’t fall out of love. [46:06] You choose your way out of love.

[46:09] God chose to love me. [46:12] He did. [46:14] And He has done it absolutely perfectly. [46:17] He has poured an unending love on me [46:20] that will last an eternity. [46:23] And every single morning I wake up, I have a choice.

[46:28] I must choose to love my wife [46:31] and pour that love from God that I don’t deserve.

[46:41] As I Clint Eastwood said, [46:43] deserves got nothing to do with it. [46:45] I don’t deserve the love of God. [46:49] And every morning when I wake up, I am called by God [46:53] to pour that love that I don’t deserve onto my wife. [47:00] And I have to choose to do that

[47:03] because that is what the faithfulness of God is. [47:06] It is committing to an enduring love [47:09] and keeping it because He keeps it [47:12] and by the power of how He keeps it. [47:16] Friend, let’s be honest. [47:18] If you’ve been married for any period of time,

[47:20] even like a week,

[47:24] the feelings of your wedding day are gone.

[47:28] They will never return. [47:30] If they haven’t left yet, [47:32] what are you doing here on your honeymoon?

[47:39] So don’t find your hope there. [47:43] Find your hope for marriage in the God who designed it. [47:46] You are the person that God wants you to be [47:48] and you are with the person that God wants you to be with [47:51] if you’re married. [47:53] And you need to be a living testament

[47:55] of the gospel of Jesus to that person [47:57] till death do us part. [48:01] You see, this morning isn’t about the possible outs [48:03] that Jesus wants us to be. [48:04] It’s about the hope that Jesus has given. [48:05] This morning is about the original design of God

[48:08] and the hope of restoration [48:10] that the gospel of Jesus Christ gives you. [48:13] Friends, God redeems sinners. [48:15] I believe that. [48:17] And marriage is full of them.

[48:20] And so God, yes, does want to redeem your marriage [48:23] just as He wants to redeem you. [48:26] But the difference is that God looks to your marriage [48:29] and He views it as one.

[48:32] Here’s what I want to ask you [48:34] and finish with this question.

[48:39] Do you view your marriage the same way God does?

[48:48] If you don’t, how does faith in Jesus Christ [48:53] serve to change your view?

[48:57] Because you need His view. [49:02] More than you need your own.

[49:05] As the band comes forward,

[49:10] you know, over the years, marriage has been [49:14] some of the greatest moments of joy as a pastor. [49:18] And it’s also been some of the hardest moments [49:21] as I’ve seen heartache, as I’ve seen people in pain. [49:25] But here’s what I’ve never done over the years. [49:29] I’ve never lost hope.

[49:32] And neither should you. [49:35] No matter what your situation looks like, [49:36] no matter what’s going on in your life, [49:38] I don’t want you to lose hope [49:40] because the gospel is still true.

[49:43] And I know that you might be thinking, [49:45] oh, but you don’t know my situation, [49:46] but you don’t know what I’m going through, [49:48] but you don’t know what actually goes on in my marriage. [49:50] I know I don’t. [49:51] And some of you I do, and some of you I don’t.

[49:53] But the reality is, is it’s not about me knowing it. [49:56] It’s about God knowing it. [49:58] He knows what’s going on. [50:00] He knows what’s happening. [50:02] And every morning, he still pours his undeserved love [50:05] on you so that you can have a conduit

[50:08] to run it into someone else’s life. [50:10] And the primary person that runs into is your spouse.

[50:14] And so in spite of how your spouse is acting, [50:16] in spite of what’s going on in their life, [50:18] my question is not about them, my question is about you. [50:22] What choices are you making every single day [50:25] about your marriage? [50:27] And how do your choices reflect

[50:30] the gospel of Jesus Christ to this world?

[50:35] Jesus, his commitment to us, [50:38] is reflected in the bread and in the cup. [50:40] His body was broken. [50:43] His blood was shed. [50:44] And as we eat and drink, what we testify is I believe. [50:50] I believe God seeks reconciliation with us,

[50:53] and he gives it through the gospel of Jesus Christ [50:55] and our trust in it. [50:56] Believe Christ lives in me.

[51:00] But after you eat and drink, if you’re a believer [51:02] and you walk out that door, here’s the reality, [51:04] every day you have something else [51:07] that will either show a testimony of the gospel [51:09] or a testimony of the false gospel. [51:12] And if you’re married, that’s your marriage.

[51:16] So as you walk out those doors today, [51:18] I really want you to take inventory this week. [51:23] How does my marriage reflect the gospel of Jesus Christ? [51:28] And what needs to change for it to be a greater testimony?

[51:34] When you’re ready, if you believe, come.