The Wise Value Friendship.

Steve Gentry

[0:06] We’ll go ahead and have a seat. [0:07] Welcome to Village Church. [0:08] If this is the first time you’ve been here, my name’s Steve. [0:10] I’m one of the pastors here at Village Church. [0:11] And as always, I am thankful and grateful to see each and every one of you. [0:15] If you have a Bible, go ahead and open it to Proverbs chapter 27.

[0:19] We’re going to be starting in verse 17 there this morning. [0:23] As throughout this series we’ve been doing, we’re going to be covering a lot of grounds [0:27] in the book of Proverbs this morning, dealing specifically with the issue of friendship. [0:33] But you have to ask yourself the question, do you want to be wise? [0:38] And that kind of something where it was like, well, of course I want to be wise. [0:42] We feel like in each and every circumstance of our lives that we desire to be wise.

[0:47] But if you actually look at the choices that you make, the actions that you take in your [0:53] life and the people surrounding you in your life, you have to ask yourself the question, [0:58] are you actually seeking wisdom by the fruit that is coming out in your life? [1:05] And that’s not going to be any clearer in my opinion, and I think according to the scriptures, [1:11] than in the friendships that you surround yourself with your life. [1:15] The friendships that you have play a very large determining factor in the level of

[1:21] wisdom that you are ever going to reach in your life. [1:24] Some of us are quite literally putting a ceiling on the potential for our wisdom by the friends [1:32] that surround us. [1:33] And what I hope to accomplish today is to gain a proper understanding of really what [1:39] the purpose of friendship is, learn how to measure the friendships that we have and maybe [1:44] apply some wisdom to making our friendships better or learn how we can form new friendships

[1:51] rather than continuing to perpetuate the foolish friendships that we actually have [1:56] going on in your life. [1:58] And so I want to look at how do you choose friends? [2:01] How can you be sure that you have the right friends or for some of you, let’s be honest, [2:05] how can you make a friend? [2:08] And so the reality though that we’re really going to be hammering down on is that friendship

[2:12] is a choice. [2:15] You did not get to choose the parents that you have in this world. [2:19] You didn’t get to choose the siblings that you have and depending on the size of the [2:24] organization that you work with or the company that you work at, you don’t always get to [2:29] choose your co-workers. [2:30] They’re just there.

[2:32] And so many of the relationships that you have in your life are kind of forced upon [2:36] you or just already existing before you even get there. [2:40] But the fact is when it comes to your friendships, you have the choice. [2:46] You need to own the fact that you choose the friends that you have. [2:51] And when we talk about friendship, we are not talking about everyone you have ever met [2:56] in your life.

[2:57] Some of you, man, you really think everyone’s your friend. [3:01] Not true. [3:02] I specifically today want to talk about the close relationships in your life. [3:09] The people that are truly influencing you, the people that you are influencing. [3:13] So we’re going to be talking about the people that you really do spend a quantity of time [3:21] with because quantity of time necessarily leads to quality of time.

[3:26] So I want to look at Proverbs 27, 17, very short text. [3:30] Iron sharpens iron and one man sharpens another. [3:35] Iron sharpens iron and one man sharpens another. [3:40] I truly believe that if you will put Proverbs 27, 17 as the foundation for how you understand [3:50] the purpose of friendship in your life, you will have quality friendships. [3:57] Because the opposite of that really is true as well.

[4:01] That’s a positive friendship. [4:03] If you have the wrong type of friendships in your life, it’s not going to make you sharper. [4:07] It’s going to make you dull. [4:10] Have you ever tried to use a butter knife on a cheap steak? [4:13] Doesn’t work out too well. [4:14] You ever tried to cut a cheap steak with a blunt knife?

[4:18] It doesn’t go as well. [4:20] But if you have a sharp knife, you can cut through just about anything. [4:24] A sharp knife for the right work doesn’t leave jagged edges. [4:30] Instead, it’s the right tool at the right time for the right job. [4:34] And friendship, according to the book of Proverbs here, according to God’s wisdom, friendship [4:40] is supposed to sharpen your life so that you will have wisdom for whatever you encounter.

[4:50] Number one, this morning, friendship can either help you or hurt you. [4:53] Friendship can either help you or hurt you. [4:56] Just because you have friendship in your life doesn’t mean it’s helping you. [5:00] Doesn’t mean it’s making your life better. [5:02] For many people, the friendships that they are perpetuating in their lives is actually [5:06] making your life worse.

[5:08] I mean, the fact of the matter is, show me a person’s friends and I will show you the [5:11] direction that his or her life will take in the next five years. [5:15] Show me a person’s friends and I will show you the direction that his or her life will [5:19] take in the next five years. [5:22] Friendship should sharpen you, but when it acts as a dulling agent in your life, you [5:28] need to take into account how wise you are by how wise all of the closest relationships

[5:35] in your life are. [5:37] You may believe the lie that you are not being influenced, but you are the influencer. [5:43] It’s like, oh, I’ve got nothing but morons around me because they need me. [5:47] No, you’re just chief among them. [5:48] That’s the reality of what’s actually going on in those relationships. [5:53] You are not just influencing your friends.

[5:56] You need to realize that they are influencing you all of the time. [6:03] But there’s also another danger that I have found that’s just as dangerous as having [6:07] the wrong friends. [6:08] It’s the danger of having no friends. [6:10] One of the surprising elements that I have found over the years in church ministry is [6:15] the number of people that I have been in the discipleship type posture with that I’ve found

[6:22] out they have absolutely no friends. [6:24] Did you know that’s just as dangerous? [6:26] It’s just as dangerous to have no friends as it is to have the wrong friends because [6:29] you can’t sharpen yourself according to God’s design for discipleship. [6:35] You need other people in your life. [6:37] Discipleship is not an individual sport.

[6:40] Discipleship is a team sport. [6:43] And so if you are the type of person that feels like you need to isolate yourself, that [6:47] you’re an individual, that nobody understands you, you walk into a room, there’s 32 really [6:53] friendly people and you’re the one over in the corner staring at a wall, all right? [6:57] You need to understand that that is not a healthy posture where relationships are concerned. [7:03] There’s no sharpening agent in your life and you will get dull where knives are concerned

[7:09] through that just as much as you will from having the wrong type of relationships. [7:15] The fact is that your discipleship toward Jesus or away from Jesus is going to be determined [7:22] by the significant relationships in your life. [7:24] So if you have no significant relationships, if you have no friendship, if somebody was [7:30] to come to you and say, hey, tell me about the closest friendships in your life and [7:34] you respond, you say, well, I don’t really have any friends.

[7:38] If you’re not being discipled towards Jesus by someone, then you’re being discipled away [7:43] from Jesus by yourself. [7:44] You do not look at the life of Jesus and find him getting less and less relational. [7:49] The life of a Christian is one that needs to be getting more and more relational as [7:55] you go down the road because when you become more like Jesus, you love people more, you [8:00] don’t love people less.

[8:02] And for some of you, you say, well, you don’t understand what I’ve been through and that [8:05] may be true. [8:06] You say, you don’t understand the hurt that I’ve experienced. [8:08] Hey, that may be true. [8:09] People aren’t trustworthy. [8:11] Here’s the deal with trustworthiness.

[8:13] If you don’t trust people, you need to understand that you are making more of a statement about [8:18] what you think about yourself than you are other people. [8:22] For the most part, when people tell me that they don’t trust anyone, it’s often because [8:28] they themselves are not trustworthy. [8:32] And that’s where wisdom really comes into play, where friendship is concerned. [8:37] You should not surround yourself with foolish people.

[8:40] You need to seek to surround yourself with wise people. [8:45] The people making an investment in you play a large role in determining the direction [8:50] of your life. [8:51] And you should not just trust yourself with that. [8:56] You need advisors around you, but you also do need to beware of the fools in your life. [9:02] Do not surround yourself with people that will lead you in a foolish direction with

[9:07] foolish advice and foolish lifestyles. [9:10] Who do you want to become like? [9:13] Well, I hope that you want to become like Jesus, but no one becomes like Jesus on their [9:19] own. [9:20] I cannot say that enough. [9:23] No one becomes like Jesus on their own.

[9:27] The relationships that you have in your life define how much you are becoming like Jesus. [9:34] So look at the relationships that you’ve got in your life. [9:36] Look around. [9:37] Do you want to become like those people? [9:40] If not, they’re out.

[9:44] It’s difficult, but it is not complicated. [9:48] It’s difficult, but it is not complicated. [9:51] Do not pretend that relationships are really complicated and you don’t know how to root [9:57] fools out of your life. [9:59] I know how to root fools out of my life. [10:01] I stop returning their phone calls.

[10:04] I don’t text them back. [10:07] Some of you, you’ve broken up with boyfriends, you’ve broken up with girlfriends, you’ve [10:12] been through that, or you’ve been broken up with many times. [10:14] I understand that as well. [10:17] But some of you need to do the exact same thing with your friends. [10:20] You need to dump them.

[10:22] You need to ghost them. [10:24] You need to get them out of your life because they quite literally are serving as the source [10:30] of foolishness in your life. [10:33] You need to surround yourself with people that you want to become like. [10:40] You need to look at them and say, hey, if I want to become like Jesus, very simple, [10:46] I need to surround myself with people that want to become like Jesus.

[10:50] I’m not great at algebra, but that’s a pretty easy equation. [10:53] If you don’t want to become like Jesus, hey, don’t surround yourself with people that want [10:58] to become like Jesus. [10:59] But you are never going to outgrow the closest relationships in your life. [11:07] Do not place a ceiling on your capacity to become like Jesus based on the foolish commitments [11:14] that you have to foolish people.

[11:17] This is hard to pursue, but it is never complicated. [11:20] Look at Proverbs 16, 28. [11:22] It serves as a great text to measure others by. [11:24] A dishonest man spreads strife and a whisperer separates close friends. [11:32] If you have these types of people in your life, then you will ultimately end up becoming [11:36] like them.

[11:36] They will not bring wisdom into your life. [11:39] If your life is filled with strife and turmoil, look at the people around you. [11:45] I have found that the people that have the most drama going on in their lives are the [11:50] people that say, I hate drama.

[11:53] Right? [11:55] The only types of people I ever see bringing that concept up over and over again are the [11:59] biggest drama queens and kings I’ve ever met in my life. [12:04] If you don’t want strife and turmoil in your life, look at the people around you and then [12:10] start to ask, how are they contributing to this? [12:13] How are they contributing to the drama in my life?

[12:16] How are they contributing to the strife and the turmoil in my life? [12:19] They play a huge role in determining that factor. [12:24] If you don’t want a drama-filled life with tons of gossip in it, guess what? [12:28] Don’t have friends that invite it into your life. [12:31] Some of you continue to allow yourself to get invited into drama and gossip over and [12:38] over.

[12:39] Guess what? [12:39] Just because you get the invitation doesn’t mean you’ve got to go to the party. [12:44] All right? [12:45] I do not enter into every conversation I am invited into. [12:48] Sometimes I just walk away. [12:51] The best decisions of my life have really been sometimes the conversations I refuse

[12:55] to enter into and the people that I refuse to let influence my life. [13:00] And you need to learn to have the exact same ability.

[13:06] If someone is talking about someone else, and I’m talking negative, I’m talking about [13:12] bad gossip, if they are running other people down to you, do you know what they’re going [13:17] to be doing tomorrow? [13:18] Running you down to other people. [13:21] Do not trust those people. [13:24] The whisperer is what Solomon is talking about here, and they are the person that always

[13:29] has the hottest gossip. [13:31] They are the person that’s always obsessed with having the scoop on everybody’s personal [13:35] business. [13:36] If you trust that person with your personal life, if there’s anything in your life that [13:41] you don’t want to be broadcast wide and far, guess what? [13:44] You can’t tell them.

[13:47] If someone is a gossip, here’s the deal. [13:49] Get them out. [13:50] Confront them with their sin, but ultimately you’re going to have to root that person [13:55] out of your life. [13:56] But also don’t allow others to guilt you into maintaining unhealthy relationships. [14:02] I’ve seen this over and over.

[14:04] Person will come to you and say, hey, I was there for you five years ago with that one [14:08] issue with that one thing. [14:09] You need to stay my friend even though I’m bringing all this turmoil into your life. [14:13] I don’t care what you did for me five years ago. [14:16] What did you do for me today? [14:18] If you’re making my life go downhill today, you are not worth my tomorrow.

[14:23] And you need to learn how to exhibit that type of wisdom into your life. [14:29] Proverbs 17, 9 notes that true friendship has a fruit of forgiveness and helpfulness. [14:35] One mistake, sir, concern. [14:36] Look, it says, whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates [14:40] close friends. [14:41] If they keep bringing things up and say that you owe them, they are not sharpening your

[14:47] life. [14:49] Do not build the most significant relationships in your life based on what you think they [14:55] owe you or what you think you owe them. [14:58] Don’t do it. [15:00] That’s not a healthy friendship. [15:02] That is not a healthy relationship.

[15:04] You shouldn’t pour your life into that, but you also shouldn’t base your life and surround [15:10] yourself with yes men. [15:12] Yes men are the people in our lives that are just going to approve of every single idea [15:17] we ever have. [15:19] If all you have in your life are people who look at you and say, you know what? [15:23] I agree.

[15:24] You could give them the dumbest idea ever. [15:28] And just because you’re friends, they’ll say, that’s a great idea. [15:31] This is built and based on the myth of unconditional love, that if you’re my friend, you will accept [15:40] me just as I am. [15:42] That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard in my life. [15:46] If you’re not making me better, I don’t need you in my life.

[15:51] You need to be surrounded with people who are always drawing the best out of you, not [15:58] the people that are just perpetuating the foolishness that you have. [16:03] These people just agree that you are right simply because of the myth that love is somehow [16:09] perpetuating foolishness. [16:10] They’ll say stupid things like, oh, you do you. [16:14] Whatever makes you happy, whatever makes you feel better, do that.

[16:20] A lot of times those three phrases will lead to a multitude of pain. [16:27] If you doing you is just perpetuating a life of foolishness, pray to God that you will [16:35] have a friend that loves you enough to have the compassion to say, hey, stop it. [16:42] These decisions that you are making are not helping you. [16:45] They are hurting you. [16:47] It is not loving to see someone hurting themselves or getting hurt and abused by someone else

[16:55] and just say to them, well, whatever you think is best. [16:59] Sometimes I don’t know what’s best for me. [17:02] Sometimes I need the counsel of other people, and I found that that often is the truth. [17:07] Look at Proverbs 27, 6. [17:09] Faithful are the wounds of a friend, profuse are the kisses of an enemy. [17:15] See what that means is sometimes our friend have to tell us things that we don’t want

[17:20] to hear. [17:21] Sometimes our friends have to confront us with realities about what we are doing with [17:26] our lives that we are very uncomfortable with. [17:29] But here’s the deal. [17:29] Look at the second half of that verse. [17:32] Profuse are what?

[17:33] The kisses of an enemy. [17:36] See the person that wants you to stay exactly as you are, where you are with what you are [17:41] doing, that’s not your friend. [17:43] Your friend should desire to unleash the potential of you becoming more like Jesus. [17:50] Your friend should not desire to keep you where you are. [17:53] The proverb says that person is actually your enemy.

[17:55] And you want to know why people want you to stay exactly as you are and they don’t want [17:59] you to grow? [18:00] It’s because it makes them feel better about staying where they are and not growing themselves. [18:04] You do not want those people to be the closest friends that you have. [18:08] A true friend aids you in becoming wiser. [18:12] See what kind of discipleship do you want in your life?

[18:15] Do you want to grow in wisdom or do you want to just continue with a group of people that [18:20] are never going to grow up and become like Jesus?

[18:26] Sometimes we will see people and they’re in their 30s and they’re so proud of themselves. [18:30] They’re in their 40s, sometimes they’re even in their 50s or 60s and they’re so proud [18:34] of themselves because they’re still acting the exact same way as they did when they [18:37] were 21 years old. [18:39] And they’ll say, oh I’m just young at heart. [18:40] No, you are a fool.

[18:43] Do you know what an idiot I was when I was 21 years old? [18:47] Do you have any idea how stupid you were when you were 21 years old? [18:50] If that’s the ceiling of your personal growth where wisdom is concerned, I pity you. [18:56] I want to grow up. [18:59] I want to get wiser. [19:01] I want to become the person that God wants me to be.

[19:05] I’ve got three children and I pray every single day, oh God help them grow up. [19:11] Not my wife. [19:12] I want them to stay young. [19:14] It just hurts my heart when they grow up. [19:15] And I say, you stop wishing that on them. [19:17] I’m praying they’ll grow up.

[19:21] Man, because I want them to become adults that make good decisions. [19:27] If you never mature past the point of adolescence, that is a tragedy. [19:34] That is not something to be proud of. [19:38] Number two this morning, friendship should increase your wisdom. [19:42] Friendship should increase your wisdom. [19:45] I really want you to take inventory of the people that are influencing you.

[19:50] Who are the voices of reason in your life? [19:53] Don’t just think about the advice that they give you. [19:56] Think about the condition of their lives. [19:59] Then consider the impact that they are having on you. [20:03] Proverbs 13, 20 gives us the harsh reality. [20:06] Whoever walks with the wise, what?

[20:10] Becomes wise. [20:12] See not everything is taught verbally. [20:14] A lot of times it’s just lifestyles that you’re witnessing all around you. [20:18] And this is amazing. [20:19] Look at what the Holy Spirit gives us here. [20:21] The simplest formula you’ll ever see.

[20:23] Again, is this complicated? [20:24] No. [20:25] Is it difficult? [20:26] Yes. [20:27] Want to become wise? [20:28] What do you do?

[20:30] Walk beside wise people.

[20:33] And you will get to view lives of people making good decision after good decision. [20:38] But if you surround yourself with fools, you know what you’re going to get? [20:42] I’m just going to watch people make bad decision after bad decision after bad decision. [20:45] That’s going to perpetuate foolishness. [20:48] You should not want that with your life. [20:50] Look at the second half.

[20:51] But the companion of fools will what? [20:53] Suffer harm. [20:55] Suffer harm. [20:57] Nobody wants that. [20:59] Nobody wants that to be what your life actually becomes. [21:04] Where you are just abusing yourself or being abused by someone else.

[21:08] Where your decisions compound into foolishness and in the end all that you do is suffer a [21:14] life of disaster and calamity. [21:17] There’s only one path of wisdom and that is to walk with wise people. [21:22] Wise people, I will warn you, they will not approve of your foolishness. [21:28] But why do we always think that that is a negative thing? [21:32] Why do we always look at correction and say, oh, that’s too hard?

[21:37] Why do we always think about someone confronting us with our sin, someone confronting us with [21:43] our foolishness and think that that is something to avoid? [21:46] Let me tell you something. [21:47] I have been saved from many bad decisions because I had wise people around me that just [21:52] looked at me and said, stop being stupid. [21:55] I have gotten a better attitude about a tremendous amount of things because I had wise friends

[22:00] that just looked into my life and said, Steve, you need a better attitude. [22:03] I’ve had people look at me and say, you know what? [22:06] The decision that you’re about to make, maybe you should go this direction instead. [22:11] And it has saved me a lot of turmoil in my life to have wise people around me. [22:17] Proverbs 27, 9 says it this way, oil and perfume make the heart glad and the sweetness [22:23] of a friend comes from what?

[22:25] His earnest counsel. [22:28] See, some of you think about friendship and you just think it is two people staying the [22:33] same forever. [22:35] And your friends, well, they’re growing, they’re having kids, they’re getting good jobs and [22:38] they’re going in the wrong direction. [22:39] You think they sold out.

[22:41] No, they just became wise. [22:43] They just started making good decisions and you should have followed them. [22:48] And guess what? [22:49] If you will start now, you will become a wiser person. [22:54] A friend’s beauty is seen in the wise counsel that they give you. [22:59] You want those people in your life.

[23:02] They give you good counsel. [23:04] They are helping you become a shrewd person. [23:07] You will be impacted more, and I want to be clear on this. [23:11] You will be impacted more by the friends in your life than you will by the mentors and [23:18] teachers in your life. [23:20] I’m telling you, it’s a fact because you will spend more time with your friends than you

[23:26] ever will with your mentors. [23:28] I have people all the time, they tell me, Steve, can you find me a mentor? [23:31] And I will be honest with you, I have had many great mentors over the years and I still [23:35] have great mentors in my life and I am so thankful for the wisdom and clarity that [23:39] they bring in my life. [23:40] It does make me wiser.

[23:42] But I will tell you, you will be more impacted by the friends in your life than you will [23:47] by the mentors in your life. [23:48] And sometimes when you’re asking for a mentor, some of the wisdom that you have while having [23:54] a mentor is a great thing. [23:56] Some of the reason that you don’t have wisdom in your life has nothing to do with the fact [23:59] that you don’t have a mentor.

[24:00] It has to do with the fact that you just have the wrong friends. [24:03] If you would get better friends, you would get wiser advice and counsel around you in [24:10] your life. [24:10] This is a harsh reality, but you probably just need better friendships because that [24:17] is what is making you or breaking you. [24:20] I’ve got to double down on something that maybe you forgot from the beginning of this.

[24:24] You choose who surrounds you. [24:28] You choose your friends. [24:30] When we’re talking and having this conversation, a lot of times we will continue to forget [24:34] that fact that this is 100% based on the choices that you are making. [24:40] Again, consider Proverbs 27, 17, iron sharpens iron. [24:44] That should be the theme verse for all of the relationships in your life.

[24:48] If that is not what is happening, then quite frankly, you need to change things. [24:55] Take ownership of the life that you are living. [24:58] Don’t be deceived into blaming someone else for the people that you have chosen to be [25:04] in friendship with. [25:06] God calls us to love our neighbor, and that’s everybody, but God does not command us to [25:12] let all of our neighbors influence us.

[25:14] Do you realize that? [25:16] God never says, let all of your neighbors influence you. [25:19] No, you’ve got to use discernment where that is concerned. [25:21] You’ve got to have filters where that is concerned. [25:23] Proverbs 12, 5 notes that there are people that will lead us into righteousness and people [25:30] that will deceive us into wickedness through their influence.

[25:34] That means that there are people that are going to come into your life and they’re [25:36] just going to trick you into wickedness. [25:38] They’re going to fool you. [25:40] That’s why you’ve got to have discernment where the people in your life are concerned. [25:44] Just a few verses later, Proverbs 12, 15 gives you the harsh reality of you. [25:50] The way of a fool is what?

[25:52] Right in his own eyes. [25:55] But a wise man listens to advice. [25:58] Here’s what I want you to understand where friendship is concerned with this text, because [26:01] this is going to be applied very broadly. [26:03] That means that you are way less self-aware than you think that you are. [26:09] And some of you may be thinking, well, I think I’m doing great, and I think the people in

[26:16] my life, they’re great too. [26:17] But what are you basing that on? [26:19] What is the measuring rod that you are using to determine the wisdom of you and the people [26:23] around you? [26:24] See, the beauty of this is God has not left you ignorant. [26:27] He has given you by grace His Word for you to be able to measure what the people are

[26:33] like in your life. [26:35] How do you know when you are going wrong? [26:38] You need to surround yourself with the right people. [26:40] That’s how you will know. [26:42] And if you do not surround yourself with the right people, then you will not know when [26:47] righteousness and wickedness are in your life.

[26:49] But if you surround yourself with the right people, you will know. [26:53] And this is true at any age. [26:56] Fools, here’s the truth, don’t age well. [27:00] Fools don’t age well, but they do age. [27:04] So sometimes we believe a myth about wisdom. [27:08] We believe that for someone to bring wisdom into our life, they have to look like Gandalf

[27:12] or something. [27:13] It’s got to be this old wizard looking guy with a really long white beard. [27:18] Alright, he’s got a staff and no one can pass him for some reason. [27:21] Okay, that’s what we begin to really have this cartoonish version of wisdom. [27:26] Trust me, go down to Jeff Davis Highway, you’re going to find a couple of old guys with long [27:30] white beards, but you got nothing to learn from those guys, I promise you, okay?

[27:35] But the fact is that you aren’t necessarily going to be able to gauge a person’s wisdom [27:43] just by the date on their birth certificate. [27:45] You need to inspect the fruit of someone’s life before you begin to allow yourself to [27:52] invest time into them or allow yourself to be influenced by them. [27:56] And this is actually not complicated either. [27:59] It’s difficult, again, but it’s not complicated.

[28:02] It’s a very simple formula. [28:04] Pick something and say, how do I want to grow in wisdom in this specific area? [28:08] Who can I get to pour into my life in this specific area? [28:11] I mean, think about money. [28:12] If you want to grow in wisdom how to steward money, how to be generous, here’s who I wouldn’t [28:17] let advise me.

[28:20] Someone that lives in a moldy, rusted, single-wide trailer built in 1942 and there’s a pinto [28:29] on blocks sitting outside of that trailer and they’re wearing the same tank top that [28:35] they had on three days ago. [28:37] I’m not really going to ask that guy who prepared his taxes last year, all right? [28:41] I’ll just be honest with you. [28:43] I’m not going to ask him about his 401K.

[28:45] I’m not going to ask him about mutual funds, IRAs. [28:49] I mean, I’m not trying to be offensive here, but I think you get the point. [28:52] There are certain ways to say, hey, this person looks like they are financially responsible [28:58] maybe they are wise where stewarding God’s resources is concerned and that’s the type [29:03] of person I’m going to ask. [29:05] But let’s think about spiritual matters.

[29:07] Let’s think about discipleship. [29:08] Let’s think about growing and following Jesus. [29:11] If you tell me, I don’t remember the last time I picked up my Bible to read it. [29:16] I don’t remember the last time I spent a significant portion of time in prayer and actually enjoyed [29:23] it. [29:24] I don’t remember the last time someone was pouring into me for discipleship and I’ve

[29:29] never made a disciple. [29:31] I don’t remember the last time I told someone the good news of Jesus Christ. [29:37] Guess what? [29:39] That’s not the type of person I’m going to ask to disciple me. [29:43] That’s not the type of person that I’m going to seek wise spiritual counsel from. [29:47] You need to have a standard by which you measure the fruit that someone is producing

[29:54] in their life to see if you are going to be able to glean wisdom from that person. [30:01] That’s why God gives us His Spirit and that’s why God gives us His Word. [30:06] You can use clear standards that God has given and do not allow yourself to be deceived by [30:13] a legion of fools. [30:15] Don’t do it. [30:18] Number three this morning, friendship is about substance over popularity.

[30:23] Friendship is about substance over popularity. [30:28] Friends do you want a well or do you want a mud puddle? [30:35] And here’s what I mean by that. [30:37] When you believe friendship is all about popularity and you just want as many friends as you can [30:45] possibly have and you want to know everything that’s going on everywhere all the time and [30:51] all of your friendships are built on the concept of FOMO, your fear of missing out.

[30:58] You will have friendships that are about as deep as a mud puddle. [31:03] The more friendships you’re trying to maintain in your life so that you can be a popular [31:07] person the less depth you’re going to have in your life and you’re going to have water [31:13] that is dirty and muddy and you shouldn’t drink it. [31:16] You should view friendships the way you would view a deep well of drinking water. [31:22] You want to go down as far as possible.

[31:24] You want to root down with a few quality people and those are the most meaningful relationships [31:31] in your life. [31:33] Do not fall for the foolishness of popularity. [31:37] But the fact of the matter is that the more adults I talk to about this the more I realize [31:42] sometimes our view of friendship has not progressed past the seventh grade and you’re still trying [31:49] to be as popular as you were when you were in middle school.

[31:51] Hey here’s the deal. [31:53] Popularity was meaningless in the seventh grade and it’s even more meaningless when [31:57] you’re 45 years old. [31:59] Don’t fall for that myth. [32:01] Look at Proverbs 18-24. [32:04] A man of many companions may come to ruin but there is a friend who sticks closer than

[32:11] a brother. [32:13] If you are obsessed with just getting the most friends possible so you can be the most [32:19] popular person you could end up in ruin. [32:24] But when you seek quality friendships you will experience something deeper than most [32:30] people experience. [32:31] You will experience brotherhood.

[32:33] You will experience sisterhood. [32:35] And ultimately we know that when Solomon wrote these words he may not have understood it [32:40] but he was giving a prophecy of who Jesus Christ was. [32:44] When he said there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother he was talking about [32:48] someone that would have such a love and commitment for you that they would go to the cross die [32:53] for your sins so that you could be forgiven and so that you could be reconciled to God

[32:58] for eternity. [32:59] That’s the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ and here’s the key since we know that that’s [33:04] how we measure friendship. [33:06] We measure friendship by Jesus Christ. [33:10] When you friends devalue your relationships when you go for popularity over substance. [33:16] I’ve seen it happen a few times over the past 10 years in the life of Village Church.

[33:21] People come into the church and by all appearances they are spiritually mature. [33:27] They will give you their resume if you ask for it. [33:29] They have been through Disciple Now. [33:31] They have been through Experiencing God. [33:32] They have been through this. [33:33] They have been through that.

[33:35] But I always like to give somebody some time to saturate in our environments and I watch [33:40] how they maintain relationships. [33:42] How they pursue relationships and how they act inside of their relationships. [33:46] I’ve seen people they will very quickly latch on to a person or they will very quickly latch [33:51] on to a group of people and then as soon as they realize they don’t measure up they will [33:56] quickly jump over here and find this person this group of people and then they just jump

[34:00] out of that one jump to this person this group of people and they just leave a short [34:05] mud puddle relationship behind them after short mud puddle relationship behind them [34:11] and what they don’t realize and what you may not realize about your life if that’s the [34:15] cycle of friendship that you experience is number one you are causing disunity in the [34:20] body of Christ and number two you are destroying your own soul.

[34:25] You are not showing spiritual maturity by just running through relationships like they [34:33] are candy bars and I love candy bars. [34:36] So good. [34:37] I don’t even know why I mention that. [34:38] I am so hungry right now.

[34:41] Once I get to here it’s like oh you think you are hungry. [34:45] I have been doing this for a couple of hours.

[34:48] But you are not showing spiritual maturity. [34:52] You are showing that all you care about is popularity and if somebody doesn’t measure [34:57] up to the level of popularity that you thought they would you just dump them and move on [35:01] to the next. [35:02] You are destroying your own soul. [35:06] You are not a wise person.

[35:08] You are a fool. [35:12] If Jesus taught you one thing about friendship it should be that friendship requires commitment [35:18] and you need to commit to wise friends.

[35:23] Now there is another thing that goes on in our church and it’s for those of you that [35:27] struggle relationally. [35:29] And some of you I will just be honest you are relationally inept. [35:32] You have a lot to learn. [35:34] I will have people that will come to me and they will say man I am just having such a [35:38] hard time connecting relationally to anyone around here.

[35:42] And hey that’s true I have seen it many times but here is the bad news that people don’t [35:47] want to receive. [35:49] As I will be very honest if you come to me and say that. [35:53] It’s not us. [35:55] It’s you. [35:57] Here’s the deal.

[35:58] If you cannot make a friend at Village Church you got a problem. [36:02] From the moment you go into the parking lot we are forcing people down your throat.

[36:10] We tell you where to park and we try to get those guys to smile but it’s cold sometimes. [36:16] Then before you hit the sidewalk somebody is trying to hug you and shake your hand [36:21] and welcome you. [36:22] Then before you get in the door there is 13 more people. [36:25] Then when you get in the door there is 70 people waiting to shake your hand to hug [36:30] you, welcome you, connect you, join this group, join that group, come to dinner at my house.

[36:36] Here’s the deal. [36:37] You want to know why that happens? [36:39] Because we want you to be in relationship with other people for the purpose of becoming [36:44] like Jesus because we believe it’s biblical. [36:47] I had a pastor call me, a friend of mine from Virginia Beach and one of his people moved [36:51] here and it was their first Sunday and he called him on the way home and he said I

[36:54] have never been to a church where my first Sunday I was invited to two community groups [36:59] before I walked out. [37:01] And I said praise God that’s by design. [37:04] If you can’t make a friend here at Village Church, some of you are struggling with it, [37:10] one of two things going on. [37:13] 90% of the time it’s the first thing.

[37:16] I love you but you are an unfriendly person. [37:21] You are. [37:22] And you just need to admit it and you need to repent of it and you need to change. [37:27] It’s not someone else’s fault, it’s you. [37:30] Like I said at the beginning, you could walk into a room with 32 of the friendliest people [37:35] possible and you’re going to end up staring at the wall in the corner avoiding any conversation.

[37:39] That’s not someone else’s fault. [37:42] No one can overcome that barrier for you. [37:46] You have to decide I’m going to stop being unfriendly so that I can make some friends. [37:54] That’s a decision that no one can make for you. [37:58] If you want friends, you have to be a friendly person. [38:04] That’s just wisdom.

[38:06] And that’s 90% of you. [38:08] Hey I’m praying for you, I know how hard that is. [38:11] I know how hard that can be to overcome. [38:13] There’s a lot of self-image stuff probably going on with you. [38:16] But hey, here’s the deal, I decided like 16 years ago, I just don’t care what anybody [38:20] thinks about me, I’m going to make friends.

[38:22] You can too. [38:24] If I can make friends, you can too. [38:27] Number two, this is only 10%. [38:29] Remember there’s a 90% chance you’re just an unfriendly person. [38:34] And you might be thinking, but isn’t that bad? [38:36] Oh this one’s worse.

[38:41] 10% of you, you’re a weirdo.

[38:48] All right, I’m sorry to confront you like this. [38:53] But you’re just weird. [38:55] And you don’t have any friends because no one knows what to do with you. [39:00] They’re like, I got nothing. [39:05] I’m just going to walk away. [39:08] And so all I can tell you, if you’re in the 10% and you’re just a weirdo, you’re awkward

[39:14] and you’re doing it on purpose most of the time because you want to be this unique creature, [39:18] I don’t know what’s going on with you. [39:20] All I can say is, stop it. [39:23] Read the room, adjust. [39:27] All right? [39:28] Being weird is not a spiritual gift.

[39:32] All right? [39:33] The day you got saved, the Holy Spirit invaded you. [39:36] He did not say, my unique spiritual gift to you is that you’re weird. [39:40] All right? [39:41] That is not in the list in Galatians, not in 1 Corinthians 12. [39:46] All right?

[39:46] That’s not what’s going on with you. [39:48] You just need to start understanding that the effect of your oddity [39:53] on other people is unbecoming. [39:55] And you need to start entering into environments for discipleship. [40:00] Because here’s the deal. [40:01] You show up to a community group, we’ve told all the leaders,

[40:04] you can’t ask them to leave until they start hitting people. [40:07] All right? [40:08] And so as weird as you are, they’re going to welcome you. [40:12] They’re going to give you some refreshments. [40:13] They’re going to let you engage. [40:15] And if you will just commit to entering into that community group and you’ll be like,

[40:20] well, I didn’t have a good time. [40:22] It’s not about you. [40:24] This is about getting the friends that you need. [40:27] Commit to entering into relational environments. [40:30] Because we’ve got tons of them. [40:32] And do it for a long period of time and refuse to compromise on that

[40:39] and force yourself in that. [40:41] Because I’ll make you a couple of promises. [40:43] Number one, if you go into those environments over an extended period of time, [40:49] over and over and over, number one, you’ll become more like Jesus. [40:53] You will. [40:54] I promise.

[40:55] But number two, if you’re unfriendly, you’re going to make some friends. [41:02] You’re going to because they want to be your friend. [41:05] Every group leader in this church feels called to make friends, [41:10] every single one of them, and they’ll love you. [41:13] They’re going to confront you with sin. [41:15] They’re going to make you be in the word.

[41:17] They’re going to make you talk about your personal life. [41:20] But here’s the deal. [41:21] That’s healthy. [41:22] That’s what you need. [41:23] You will make friends. [41:26] And if you’re a weirdo, you will get the advantage of learning what non weirdos are like

[41:31] so that you can become less weird. [41:34] All right.

[41:37] Proverbs 17 17 says this.

[41:42] A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity.

[41:49] Here’s where I want to warn some of you. [41:51] And then I want to finish with a promise from God.

[41:55] You will not need a friend until the day that you desperately need a friend.

[42:04] I’ve seen people walk two different paths. [42:08] The first path is the wise one. [42:12] It’s that they invested in people, they cared for people and they loved people [42:17] when everything was going great in their lives. [42:21] And then the worst day of their life came. [42:24] Here’s the deal.

[42:25] Nobody knows when the worst day of their life is coming. [42:27] The worst day of their life came. [42:29] And you know what? [42:30] By God’s grace, they had friends. [42:32] They had people showing up at their door when they didn’t even know how they knew. [42:38] They had people calling them.

[42:39] They had people bringing them meals. [42:40] They had people loving on them because they had invested wisely, [42:45] because they had surrounded themselves with wisdom, [42:48] because they had loved so they received love. [42:53] And I praise God every time that that has happened in the life of our church. [42:56] That’s what we do.

[42:59] But unfortunately, I’ve also had a front row seat to the opposite.

[43:05] I’ve seen people find the worst day of their life and they never invested in people. [43:10] They wouldn’t connect to community groups. [43:12] They wouldn’t get in a discipleship group. [43:14] They wouldn’t make friends. [43:15] And the worst day of their life came. [43:17] And here’s the deal.

[43:18] No one was there.

[43:21] No one was there. [43:22] And I’ll tell you the truth. [43:23] It was their fault. [43:25] It was their fault. [43:27] Hey, it’s not because nobody wanted to help. [43:32] It’s not because people didn’t want to be there for them.

[43:36] You want to know what happened? [43:38] The worst day of their life came and no one knew.

[43:44] No one knew until a week later. [43:47] No one knew until a month later. [43:49] No one knew until six months later when the storm had passed and the fallout was all around them. [43:55] And no one knew. [43:56] And because they had no friends, no one knew when they needed people. [44:03] Because they didn’t need a friend until the day that they needed a friend.

[44:10] Friend, if you’re sitting here today and you’re saying, I’m fine. [44:13] I don’t need people in my life. [44:15] I don’t need community. [44:16] I don’t need relationships. [44:18] I’ll be honest with you. [44:20] Maybe you don’t today.

[44:23] But you will.

[44:28] In everything, Jesus is always our ultimate example.

[44:32] Jesus spent three and a half years in his public ministry pouring into 12 men. [44:38] Of those 12 men, he was unreasonably committed to three men. [44:44] That was Jesus’s relational capacity that he displayed for us to see.

[44:51] If Jesus Christ, the Son of God, chose to live a life where he depended on a couple of guys, [44:59] and he gave of himself to a couple of guys, [45:01] why do you think you’re going to be able to follow a God that is that relational without exhibiting the exact same attributes?

[45:11] Jesus is the friend that sticks closer than a brother. [45:15] Jesus is the brother that is there for you in the time of adversity. [45:19] And he wants you to follow him by building wise relationships. [45:25] That’s what faith does.

[45:28] Every Sunday we reflect on the Lord’s Supper.

[45:33] And interestingly, the Lord’s Supper displays Jesus’s commitment level to his friends.

[45:40] The bread represents the broken body of Christ. [45:43] The cup represents his shed blood. [45:45] And when we eat and when we drink, there are tables in the front, there are tables in the back. [45:49] We proclaim to everyone, I have given my life to Jesus Christ. [45:54] I have repented of my sin and I have accepted his free grace for salvation. [45:59] If that’s you, friend, in just a moment, come, eat, drink, proclaim your faith to everyone around you.

[46:07] But part of that faith is that you’re committing to walk away from that table [46:11] and pursue the type of relationships that God’s Word calls you to.

[46:17] As you come, consider that. [46:20] And then as you go, build a life of wisdom. [46:25] When you’re ready, come.