Relational Growth.

Chris Bolt

[0:09] Go ahead and have a seat. You can join me in turning your Bible to John chapter 17 verses [0:14] 20 through 26. My name is Chris. I’m one of the pastors here at Village Church and we [0:21] want to welcome you here this morning. In 1979, John MacArthur wrote the foreword to [0:28] a book called Successful Discipling by Alan Hadidain. Hadidain, I don’t know how to say [0:36] his name, writes, Discipling others is the process by which a Christian with a life worth [0:43] emulating commits himself for an extended period of time to a few individuals who have been

[1:04] Now, a lot of you here this morning I would wager are perhaps bored, you’re feeling [1:11] directionless, and yet you have plenty to do in working on yourself and on others with an end [1:20] goal of discerning. And yet, you have plenty to do in working on yourself and on others with an [1:21] end goal of discerning. In fact, if I’m successful, then by the end of this sermon, [1:28] you will have a renewed hunger this morning to disciple others by becoming a better disciple [1:34] yourself. And so I would challenge you, let today become the day that you change for the good.

[1:42] I hope that you will be captured by the vision of Village Church for discipleship the way that Jesus [1:49] wants it. Now, in John 17, Jesus prays what is perhaps the most important prayer in scripture. [1:56] It is not what we know as the Lord’s Prayer, although that one should be called the Lord’s [2:01] model prayer. This really is the Lord’s Prayer, the high priestly prayer for his people. He prays [2:07] not only for his immediate disciples, but also for all who will profess faith in him. Now, just think [2:12] that if you are a follower of Jesus Christ, he has prayed for you and is praying for you even now.

[2:20] And his central request is expressed here in verse 21, that all believers may be one, just as he and [2:27] the father are one. And that does not mean that we should associate with people who don’t share our [2:33] doctrinal and moral convictions. It’s not an absolute unity of agreement. It doesn’t mean that [2:39] when some political problem arises in a Christian organization, and I’ve seen this happen many times, [2:45] it doesn’t mean that those holding the leadership accountable are in the wrong, that they are not [2:49] being unified and what have you. Rather, this unity that Jesus prays for is in the main claims

[2:56] of the gospel, his death, his burial, and his resurrection for our sins in our place, with all [3:03] that that gospel message presupposes and implies. It’s also unity in the loving fellowship that [3:09] believers share based upon that gospel. And this unity in theology and relationship has a purpose, [3:15] if you look there, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. And Jesus gives his disciples [3:22] the glory that comes from the father, which is meant to bind them together in unity. If you look [3:27] in verse 22 there, this unity in verse 23 mirrors the relational oneness of the father and the son.

[3:33] And the goal of this relational unity is missional, that the world may see God’s love displayed [3:40] in the disciples. So second to the glory of God, we would say Jesus desires his people, [3:48] that’s you and me, I hope, to be with him, sharing his glory and love forever. We see that in verse [3:57] 24. So Jesus reveals the father so that his disciples may share in the same love with which [4:02] the father has eternally loved the son. And that love is not abstract, that love is relational. It [4:09] is experienced by Christ as the eternal son and is now poured into you and into me. The goal is

[4:18] that God’s love would dwell in us, shaping how we love one another. So look with me there at the text [4:25] of John 17, 20 through 26. Jesus prays and says, I do not ask for these only, but also for those who [4:31] believe in me through their word that they may all be one, just as you, father, are in me and I in [4:38] you, that they may also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that [4:44] you have given me I have given to them and they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you [4:50] and me, that they may become perfectly one so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them,

[4:57] even as you loved me. Verse 24, father, I desire that they also whom you have given me may be with [5:04] me where I am to see my glory that you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of [5:12] the world. Oh, righteous father, even though the world does not know you, I know you and these know [5:18] that you have sent me. I made known to them your name and I will continue to make it known that the [5:23] love with which you have loved me may be in them and I in them. And so we understand these sentences [5:31] of Jesus, but we also see something of the system that scripture presents concerning the doctrine

[5:38] of the Trinity. Unlike modern Jews and Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists and Mormons and [5:45] Jehovah’s Witnesses and every other false religious movement and cult that’s out there in the world, [5:50] you, if you’re a Christian, you believe that God eternally exists as three persons, the Father, [5:56] the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and each of these persons is truly God. And in fact, the text this [6:01] morning teaches the unity of the divine essence of God. The persons though who are in that essence [6:10] relate to it in this way. They subsist in that essence so that there is none remaining. What I

[6:17] mean here is that the Father subsist in the divine essence, which is God because the Father is God. [6:23] He is truly God. And so also for the Son, so also for the Holy Spirit, when you speak of any one of [6:29] the persons of the triune God, you are speaking of God as he is. But there’s something else that [6:35] is here with the Father and the Son and the Son and the Father. We have an exhaustive mutual [6:41] inhabitation between these two persons and in the Trinity between the three persons so that the [6:47] Father, the Son, and the Spirit all mutually co-inherit with one another. They permeate one

[6:54] another. There is a divine embrace between the persons who are that one undivided essence from [7:01] all eternity. The relations of this subsistence are at the same time relations of this co-inherence. [7:10] It is God relating to God as the three persons of the Trinity. There is one intelligence in God, [7:19] one will in God. There is only one God and yet there are these three persons who are that divine [7:28] essence. And so God is absolute relation. He is immutable. He is without change and these persons [7:39] are related in God such that God is dynamic. He is not dry. He is not static. He is is not just an

[7:48] unmoved God. He is rather dynamic so that there is this equal ultimacy of unity and diversity [7:55] in God. And what’s more is that any one person, the Father, the Son, or the Spirit represents the [8:02] of God undivided in terms of the divine essence more than that. And we know this from texts like [8:10] when they ask Jesus, will you show us the Father? And Jesus says, have you been with me and you [8:15] don’t know the Father? The Father is in Jesus. Jesus is in the Father. And so any one person [8:21] of the Trinity represents the other persons of the Trinity as well by way of this personal

[8:29] coherence. And so God exists relationally in eternal love and community. Now what in the [8:35] world does all of this in the clouds have to do with us down here on the ground? Well, [8:42] when God created Adam, he created Adam in natural religious fellowship with God to know God as God. [8:50] When we say that we are created in God’s image, we mean more than that. We are just [8:54] rational creatures and that we are volitional creatures. Rather, we mean by the fact that we [9:00] are created in God’s image that you and I are creaturely copies of what’s going on in God,

[9:08] in the triune God from eternity. More than that, you are by nature a worshiper who is made not [9:15] only for relationship with God, but relationship with other human beings. And when God creates [9:23] Adam, he creates Adam as a representative head of all who will descend from him by ordinary [9:31] generation such that the great theologian and apologist Cornelius Van Til says that the [9:37] foundation of all personal activity of men is based on God. And Larry Crabb, the Christian [9:46] counselor says because God is in his very nature a relational being. There are three persons in the

[9:52] Godhead capable of enjoying interrelationships. Man created to be like God is also a relational [9:59] being. We have been built for relationship with God and with other people. It follows that in the [10:04] most central part of our being, we long to enjoy what we were designed to experience. In other words, [10:10] we long for relationship. So we see what these sentences say with the system of theology is here [10:19] in this text, but we can’t miss the surrounding storyline of scripture either and how these three [10:25] relate. You see, you and I have this desire, this urge to make our mark on the world, to leave a

[10:34] legacy, to live in meaningful relationships with others. But all of that has been broken through [10:41] Adam’s fall into sin as our federal head. He was representative of us. You say, well, I could have [10:48] done a better job. No, you couldn’t. Okay. You are represented by him. He had his chance and he blew [10:53] it for all of us. Okay. We sinfully then exchange our absolute dependence upon the triune God of [11:03] scripture for dependence upon other sinful people because we so long for these meaningful [11:10] relationships. And in that we create unwieldy, unhealthy, and even ungodly relationships.

[11:17] You are created for relationship. There’s no getting around this in your very nature. [11:24] You’re created for relationship, but your nature is twisted by your sinfulness. You are created in [11:33] the image of God, but you’re also a sinner and you live your life with other sinners. If you’re [11:38] married, you know this, you’re married to a sinner. And if you have children, you really know this. [11:44] You let all these centers just live in your house for free, but it brings out of you your own [11:51] selfishness and your own sinfulness when you see yourself in light of them. And so what do you do

[11:57] about that? Sometimes we want to run off to therapy. So we’re like, what’s going on? Okay. [12:03] I would submit to you this morning that what you need right now is theology. You don’t need [12:14] to be selfish and useless. You need to be squeezed out into the lives of others for their spiritual [12:19] knowledge and direction and life. Theology matters and theology informs biblical counseling that we [12:26] all stand in need of. And so if you think none of this applies to you, the thing that you’re missing [12:31] is that theology is about relationship. And any theology that is not about relationship is false.

[12:40] The very concept of relationship as we’ve seen is grounded in the triune God, but that’s not all [12:47] good theology should create good relationships. Look in verse 20 through 21. We saw there that [12:56] Jesus prays for all future believers to be united in the same kind of oneness that exists between [13:01] the father and the son. This unity is grounded in truth, belief in the word about Christ, [13:08] which is theology. True theology that’s rooted in Christ necessarily produces relational unity [13:15] among believers. And this relational unity serves as a witness to the world of the truth of Jesus’s

[13:22] mission. And therefore good theology should create good relationships because the truth of Christ [13:31] unites believers in love and bears witness to the world. In other words, Jesus shows us [13:38] that truth and love cannot be separated. Sound theology must produce sound relationships. [13:49] When it does, the world sees the truth of the gospel. Of course, your relationship with God [13:55] must first be restored through the gospel. And by the way, if you’re here this morning, [14:00] you’ve never repented of your sins and trusted in Jesus Christ who died on the cross for sins

[14:05] and was raised again. Then none of this is going to apply to you. You’re never going to get your [14:11] relationships on a horizontal level, correct? Because you don’t have a right relationship [14:15] on a vertical level with almighty God. John 14 six. Jesus said to him, I am the way and the truth [14:24] and the life. No one comes to the father except through me. Well, this is about a relationship [14:32] with God. You see, sometimes we approach this in theologians to approach this [14:37] merely through intellectual lens. They look at this as an apologetic text. Well, this apologetic

[14:44] text proves Christian exclusivism, that Jesus is the only way to heaven even. So it takes on [14:51] eschatological meaning. And all of that is certainly true, but don’t miss what the text [14:56] actually says. I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through [15:06] me. Jesus is not even an end in and of himself as it were. Jesus is our means to relate to almighty [15:15] God. This passage is not merely intellectual or apologetic or eschatological or Christological even, [15:23] but deeply theological and deeply personal. In John 17 three, Jesus says, and this is eternal life,

[15:33] that they know you the only true God and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. You see, you need to be [15:41] self-aware and introspective, which is terrifying because most people are not. However, [15:48] navel gazing won’t get you anywhere either. Focusing on yourself is, you ready for this? [15:55] Focusing on yourself, whether you’re a braggart or you’re depressed all the time, what we’ve [16:01] forgotten as a society and what evangelicals are right there with them in, we have forgotten that [16:09] help is sin. You can’t really, at the end of the day, help yourself. Christian maturity is not

[16:18] wallowing in your wickedness, but looking to Jesus. That is just what repentance is. It is [16:25] recognizing your sin and turning away from it and turning toward the living God. When you become [16:30] confident in your relationship with God, you stop worrying about what other people think about you, [16:36] about petty disagreements and offenses, about what other people have and you don’t have. In [16:42] short, you stop thinking about yourself. When you’re communing with God, you aren’t really [16:47] thinking about yourself, or if you are, then you’re ruminating on your good end and the new heavens

[16:52] and the new earth. You’re joyfully fulfilling your purpose here on earth. You have that inner peace, [16:56] the shalom of God in the Old Testament, the peace that surpasses all understanding of the New Testament, [17:02] godliness and holiness and a satisfaction with all that God is for us in Jesus Christ, made [17:08] accessible through his spirit who dwells in us, is the only means that you have toward maturation [17:15] and how you fix yourself and your relationships and live for the joy that God has for you. The [17:21] knowledge of God is life itself, and yet I see so little of this. Some of you are adults and you’re

[17:32] had a distant dad or you had a smothering mother and all you’re doing is living in rebellion still [17:37] or trying to prove them wrong or trying to prove them right or you’ve been burnt by a church and so [17:44] you blame the entire church for that. I’ve counseled many pastors who are going through [17:50] difficulties within their congregation and you know what they do? They’ll pick out two or three [17:55] troublemakers who are giving them grief and they’ll view their entire congregation through the lens [18:00] of that one or two people. They don’t have a right understanding of the reality, relationally

[18:06] speaking, that’s around them. Some of you have done the same thing. You were hurt by a pastor [18:11] or you were hurt by a person in a church or two people in a church. Don’t let them ruin your [18:19] spiritual walk with Christ. Don’t hate the bride of Christ because of what one or two people has done, [18:26] right? And so when you leave a church or you’re a church hopper, the problem is actually [18:35] you in that latter case if you can’t look back and see that God’s grace was at work in that church [18:43] despite the problems and the difficulties. Some of you are afraid that you’re never going to find

[18:50] this satisfaction that you’re looking for in life in trying to leave your mark on the world, [18:55] in trying to have good relationships with others. This explains what we know as a midlife crisis. [19:02] You start to try to control everything because you’re too afraid to admit that others have hurt [19:07] you. You want to have relationships with other people. You want to be affirmed, but you want to [19:12] keep people at arm’s length as well because you know how people have hurt you in the past and also [19:17] you cannot conceive of how someone can really deeply know you on a relational level and not

[19:23] reject you as soon as they find out what’s wrong with you. Having your relationship with God right [19:31] means that you will love other believers. If you don’t love other believers, then you do not love [19:38] God. And our relational pain and our attempts to manipulate others to keep them at a safe distance [19:46] and what have you, that’s not loving others. If you’re burnt out and bitter and despised the bride [19:52] of Christ, that’s a clear indication that you’re not actually a biblical Christian. And that’s the [19:58] only type of Christian that there is, by the way, a biblical one. 1 John 4 19 through 21 says,

[20:04] we love because he first loved us. If anyone says I love God and hates his brother, he’s a liar. [20:12] For he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And [20:18] his commandment we have from him, whoever loves God must also love his brother. Now there are things [20:25] about people in general and specifically that cannot and never will change, but there are other [20:31] things that must change. It’s possible for people to change. You change in relation to the word and [20:40] the spirit. Most of you, I would gather, are well-intentioned people who want to have some

[20:46] significance of some sort. Again, to change the world in some way for the better, you long for [20:51] what you do to mean something, but you know that that requires relating to others. And so your [20:58] problems become relational problems. An improper relationship, by the way, to God results in an [21:06] improper relationship with others and vice versa. Your relational problems cannot be fixed by trying [21:13] to change other people. You are the one who must change. Change must happen from the inside out. [21:23] I’m not talking about behavioral modification. I’m talking about your heart to see what’s really

[21:30] inside of you. You need the word of God. You need the spirit of God. And oh, by the way, [21:36] you need the church, other people. Thankfully, God has given us each of these three things, [21:43] and so we don’t have any excuse. But again, if you don’t have a relationship with God, [21:50] then you’ll never figure out how exactly to relate to others, no matter how badly you [21:55] desire it. This is really difficult to talk about. Now, that’s your fault because you were [22:01] complaining to yourself as I went into the clouds at the beginning of the sermon. Now we’re bringing

[22:05] it down to earth. I want you to think about the times that people who are important to you, [22:11] let you down and how that influences your behavior and your thinking even now as you approach others [22:20] in relationship. Think on the deepest disappointments you’ve ever experienced, maybe as a child, [22:25] as a young adult, looking back now on your life and how things could have been different, [22:31] what someone could have done or said that would have made you happy instead of put you where you [22:36] are now. That’s what’s going on in each one of us. You’re the norm if that’s what’s going on

[22:46] inside of you. And so again, what we’re ultimately looking for in this is not some quick [22:55] self-help program that’ll fix that and make the relational pain go away. What you’re looking for [23:00] is the beatitude of God. Theology is relational. If it doesn’t deepen your relationship with God, [23:08] if it doesn’t work its way out into better relationships with others, then theology is [23:13] useless and vain, but it’s not. It’s not. You are not independent. You should be dependent upon God [23:22] who is independent. He has eternal life within him that he is willing to give to you if you would

[23:33] but seek it there. Healthy relationships then must be cultivated. Look in verses 22 through 24. We have [23:43] several justificatory and redemptive elements of the Christian experience noted in this text. [23:48] Election is here. The father gives them to the son. Fellowship, knowledge, love, eternal life, [23:56] and glory. And you cannot obtain these salvifically merely by following the example of Jesus. In fact, [24:03] you cannot obtain them through your good works at all. No. Jesus had to give his life in order for [24:13] you to have these blessings of salvation. Jesus is our model for healthy relationships as he

[24:20] intentionally pursues other people. And yet Jesus still had to do that. He still had to take those [24:27] actions. He still had to go through the motions. Jesus does model perfect relational unity with [24:33] the father marked by love and glory. It says here that Jesus shares his glory and love with his [24:39] disciples so that we may also live in unity with one another. And that unity doesn’t happen [24:45] automatically. It requires intentionality on your part, cultivating relationships that reflect the [24:53] oneness of Christ and the father. So therefore, Jesus is our model for healthy relationships.

[24:59] And we can experience healthy relationships only by intentionally cultivating unity and love in him. [25:07] Jesus shows us what real relational health looks like. It’s the love and unity he shares with the [25:13] father. It’s not automatic. It has to be cultivated. And if Christ has given us his glory for us to be [25:21] one, then we must work intentionally to reflect his love in our relationships. That doesn’t just [25:27] happen by accident, you understand. And merely having relationships is not enough. You have to [25:33] do the work just as Jesus did. You have everything you need, by the way, in order to do that. But

[25:40] when you don’t rest on those things to bring it about, that presents a problem. You know, in 1977, [25:47] James Dobson founded Focus on the Family. But focus on the family, and I’m referring to the [25:53] phrase there, was an imperative or a command long before it was an organization. Put your focus, [26:00] in other words, on your family. We’ve lost our focus on the family in our society. We intentionally [26:08] put off even having a family. Our school system does that. Our college system does it. Our housing [26:13] market does it. And so on and so forth. And some of you are going to wake up one day and realize

[26:19] that your kids are all grown now. You are old and you have nothing to show for all of the work [26:26] that you did just to have a supposedly better quality of life. Older generations even managed [26:33] to do this by working themselves to death within church ministry while neglecting their families. [26:40] They just wanted to look better than others or grow richer than others and in the end didn’t [26:44] have anything. You and I, we naturally gravitate toward what our parents did, the culture that we [26:51] live in. And so this is something we must always be on guard against. That’s why we’ve preached so

[26:56] many sermons and taught so many different classes on passages like Ephesians 5 wives, [27:01] submit to your husbands, husbands love your wives. That’s why we talk about discernment in [27:07] choosing a spouse. That’s why in first Timothy 3, 4 through 5, we see that the one who would be an [27:14] overseer, an elder, a pastor, much manage his household well with all dignity, keeping his [27:19] children submissive for someone does not know how to manage his own household. How will he care [27:24] for God’s church? You cannot neglect the relationships you already have using ministry

[27:30] as some sort of sick twisted excuse. By the way, family tends to bring out the worst in people, [27:37] doesn’t it? I say this as my parents are sitting here in these pews, but I’m not going to look at [27:42] them. Church does that too. Why is that? Because those are the people you are closest to [27:53] and the relationships that you care the most about. You must be motivated to grow even in those [28:03] relationships, but you must also intentionally seek out other relationships in order to grow. [28:09] Growth is about more than your own spiritual growth. Yes, this is a self-interested subject

[28:15] of relational growth, and yet the Bible appeals to that. When you go into relationships in order [28:23] to seek your own spiritual growth, what you find is it’s not all about you. There are those people [28:31] who are provided by the Lord in his providence to sanctify you, and I’m not saying that you should go [28:38] and intentionally seek them out all the time, just as you shouldn’t go and intentionally seek out [28:41] physical suffering or something. Nevertheless, through physical suffering, God brings about [28:46] your sanctification, and through difficult people, God also brings about your sanctification.

[28:53] And we forget basic biblical texts about this. In Matthew 5, 23 through 24, Jesus says, [29:00] so if you’re offering your gift at the altar and there, remember that your brother has something [29:03] against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, [29:10] and then come and offer your gift. Matthew 7, 1 through 6 says, judge not, and you be not judged, [29:19] for with the judgment you pronounce, you’ll be judged, and with the measure you use, it would be [29:23] measured to you. Listen to this in verse 3, why do you see the speck that’s in your brother’s eye,

[29:28] but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Why do you do that? That’s what Jesus is asking. [29:37] You see, you have blind spots. You say, well, Pastor Chris, I can’t see any blind spots in me. [29:43] That’s why it’s called a blind spot. You self-rationalize your sinful proclivities [29:49] toward wallowing in self-pity over relational pain and manipulating others for the sake of [29:55] preservation. Other people can see what you do not see. I even see this with pastors and especially [30:02] in reform circles with theologians. Performative, sociopolitical, and psychological rationalization

[30:09] permeates theology, and until you see that, you’ve barely begun to understand even biblical theology [30:13] at all. In other words, people are making up the theology that they are for their own self-interest, [30:18] relationally speaking. You could not plumb the depths of your deceitful heart even if you wanted [30:25] to, and that is why you and I need other people to discern our need for discipleship, for change, [30:32] and for repentance. Real maturity takes place in community. There’s no such thing as a mature [30:38] monk in a monastery. These guys who live out in the countryside and blast Christ’s bride all the

[30:44] time because they’re holier than we are, are not. You are responsible not only for ingesting the [30:52] God which is powerful, but seeking the Spirit and placing yourself in environments for discipleship. [31:00] You might say, but you don’t understand, Pastor Chris. My bitterness is not merely a feeling. [31:06] My complaints are real. They’re justified. I was wronged by someone, and you’re probably right. [31:14] I’ll grant it. Perhaps your bitterness is even proportionate to the offense that was against you, [31:20] but tell me something. What is proportionate to your offense against God? God has forgiven you.

[31:29] He didn’t say your sin was right. Forgiveness doesn’t say sin is okay. Forgiveness presupposes [31:34] that the sin is really wrong. You’ve no doubt been wronged, but you’re granting power to someone else [31:40] over you through a warped sense of dependency in that relationship. You need forgiveness, [31:45] and you need to grant it. Now, when it comes to church discipline, we can do things the hard way [31:53] or we can do things the hard way. There is no easy option when it comes to that. I used to teach [32:00] that to my church down south. You’re going to make a mess. Churches are going to make a mess.

[32:07] Ministry is messy, and so I would submit that if you’re going to make a mess, you might as well [32:13] make a mess in obedience to God, following the words of Jesus Christ for reconciliation. [32:20] In other words, even disunity among believers is opportunity. In Matthew 18 verses 15 through 20, [32:28] Jesus says, if your brother’s sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him [32:34] alone. You keep the circle small. By the way, it’s not, oh, we go to one of those churches and [32:42] they believe in formal church discipline. And so I have an interpersonal problem with this other

[32:46] person. I’m going to run and tell to the pastors. That’s not church discipline, according to Jesus. [32:52] This takes place between a person and another person with sin in the middle. If he listens to [32:59] you, you’ve gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, [33:03] that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses [33:07] to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, [33:11] let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth

[33:16] shall be bound in heaven. Whatever you loose on earth shall be loose in heaven. Again, I say to [33:19] you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my father [33:23] in heaven for where two or three are gathered in my name. There I am among them. That doesn’t mean [33:28] that if your little Bible study has failed, you can cite this text and feel better about yourself. [33:32] This means that the authority of Jesus Christ is present even in the way that he wants us to [33:37] be. The two of you are not going to be able to reconcile with each other. Don’t give in to

[33:43] the wit of Satan because we’re not ignorant of his designs, is how Paul puts it elsewhere. [33:51] Satan will take advantage of our pain stemming from other people. He will cause you to be [34:00] more self-preserving as he works with your fallen nature already. [34:09] By the way, it should be obvious that all of this work of relating to others costs a lot. [34:19] It’s emotional work. It’s relational work. It is hard work and there’s not really a lot of other [34:25] in the world that’s like it. And so be careful how much you give to this or that relationship,

[34:34] speaking in terms of discipleship. Don’t use that as an excuse for staying away from people, [34:43] but also be careful the investments that you make in others that they’re always [34:49] toward leading someone to God as they respond to that. Always be mindful of your emotions [34:59] in those things. And finally, commit to maturing in relationships. Verses 25 through 26, [35:07] Jesus here makes the father known so that his disciples will share in the divine love. [35:12] The divine love, as we’ve already said, is the model and the measure of perfect relational

[35:17] maturity since it’s the eternal love between the father and the son. And so to grow as disciples [35:22] means to grow in embodying that divine love in our relationships with one another. And so maturity [35:29] in relationships is loving as God loves and we should commit to maturing in our relationships [35:36] by imitating the love of the father and the son. Jesus prayed here that the very love of the father [35:43] and the son would live in us, in you, in me. That means that Christian maturity is not just knowing [35:49] doctrine, but embodying God’s own love in our relationships. If the eternal love of God has

[35:55] been given to us, then the mark of maturity and growth for you and for me is clear. We must commit [36:01] ourselves to maturing in love toward one another. Maturity in relationships is loving like God loves. [36:08] How does God love? They ask Jesus, what’s the greatest commandment in the law? He says, [36:13] you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind. [36:16] This is the great and first commandment, seconds like it. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. [36:20] And he says that all the commandments, all the law, all the prophets depend upon these two. So

[36:26] that Jesus says in John 14 verses 15 through 17, if you love me, you will keep my commandments. [36:32] And I’ll ask the father and he will give you another helper to be with you forever. Even [36:36] the spirit of truth whom the world cannot receive because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know [36:43] him for he dwells with you and will be in you. And you say, but that makes it sound like we’ve [36:50] got to have good works to be saved. No, but you are saved for good works. God has made it such [36:57] that you can, through the spirit of God, go from viewing the law of God. You once viewed it as a

[37:03] Now you’ll view it as a blessing and you do this by help of the Holy Spirit of God. Now, [37:09] sometimes Baptists, we’re a little bit hesitant to adopt this language of the Holy Spirit, [37:14] but Jesus uses it in the rest of the context there in John 14. Some of you who lean a little [37:19] bit further toward Presbyterianism and we know who you are. You really want to reject some things [37:25] that are said about the Holy Spirit, but listen, here’s a summation of what Jesus says about the [37:29] Holy Spirit in John 14. Who is the Holy Spirit? Well, the Holy Spirit is different from Jesus

[37:34] and the Father in terms of his personhood. Spirit is the same as Jesus and the Father in terms of [37:39] his being. The Holy Spirit is eternal. The Holy Spirit is truth. He is exclusive to some people. [37:44] He is knowable. He dwells among us. He dwells in us. The Holy Spirit is the helper. The Holy [37:49] Spirit is holy. The Holy Spirit is spirit. The Holy Spirit is a person. He is sent by the Father [37:54] and he is sent in Jesus’ name. But what does the Spirit do? Well, the Holy Spirit will help you [38:00] love Jesus. He will help you keep Christ’s commandments. He answers the prayer of Jesus

[38:06] for you. He gives you gifts from the Father. He will remain with you forever. He gives you the [38:13] truth. He is received by you. He shows himself to you. He is known by you. He lives with you. He [38:19] He dwells in you. He teaches you. He brings you to remember God’s word. He gives you peace. He stays [38:25] your heart. He calms your fears. Your view of the gifts that God has given you through the Holy [38:31] Spirit is far too small and your view of ministry is far too narrow. To each of you as believers, [38:38] you are given the manifestation of the Spirit. The Spirit manifests himself here when we’re gathered

[38:44] for worship and he is here for your maturity, but you must work with him. In fact, in Galatians 5-6, [38:53] Paul makes this argument, for in Christ Jesus, neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts [38:57] for anything but only faith. Now we’re justified by faith, but Paul’s talking about something [39:03] different here. He says, faith working through love. Galatians 5-14, for the whole law is fulfilled [39:12] in one word. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Galatians 5-22 tells us that the fruit [39:18] of the Spirit is love. And Galatians 6-2 says, bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law

[39:25] of Christ. There are evangelicals today who will just shrink back at this idea that you should [39:32] fulfill the law of Christ or that you could ever fulfill the law of Christ, but that’s what the [39:36] apostle Paul says under inspiration of the Holy Spirit of God. You are to bear one another’s [39:40] burdens and thus fulfill the law of Christ. So Paul’s argument is as this, if you have faith in [39:47] Christ, then you will receive the Spirit. If you have the Spirit, then you’ll bear the fruit of [39:53] the Spirit, whose chief fruit is love. If you have love, then you fulfill the law. Therefore, if you

[40:00] have faith in Jesus Christ, then you will fulfill the law. Jesus himself fulfilled the law by [40:08] loving God perfectly and by laying down his life for his friends. Love for God, love for neighbors, [40:14] and all the law, the prophets, depends upon that. Believers united to Christ by faith share in his [40:22] spirit and thus reproduce his love in their lives, fulfilling the law just as he did. So there’s the [40:30] vertical relationship, but if you have a mature relationship with somebody else, then you’re going [40:33] to lead that person to the Lord. Your academic acumen, your disciplined habits, your great

[40:40] giftedness is not going to do the trick. Even a deep knowledge of the Bible and moral purity and [40:46] ministerial prowess are not enough. The question here for you this morning is, do you know the [40:52] Lord and show him to others through the very way that you live your life in the world? You cannot [40:59] substitute, by the way, perfectionism for maturity. All your perfectionism does is highlights all of [41:06] the inconsistencies in your life. You must instead sense the depth of your sin and question whether [41:12] that’s at root deep within or if it’s the reality of Christ’s righteousness cloaking your deceptive

[41:20] heart. The more mature you are, and I’m sure you’ve seen this in other people, the more you become [41:25] aware of your own wickedness and your absolute need for the alien righteousness of Christ. You must [41:31] know that your motives are rarely good. Everything you do, in fact, is tainted with sin, including [41:38] using that recognition as any sort of excuse to take your eyes off Christ or to stop ministering [41:45] to others. Being mature is being marked by a firm gentleness, a bold humility, and a brokenhearted [41:53] joy. Don’t take these incorrect postures in ministry where, for example, you’re the professional,

[42:00] you’re aloof, you’re emotionally distant and fake, you won’t smell like sheep even though you are one.

[42:09] Don’t take a messianic approach where you think you’re the savior of this person. [42:14] You have all the right things that you can teach them. If they just knew what you know, they’ll be [42:19] fixed or worse. Don’t play the emotional hero to a person in need. You’re seeking to supplant [42:29] the triune God with your presence, creating a culture of codependency. Don’t play the part [42:36] of the parent. I had a professor in a class and he said, you know, if I walk into someone’s house [42:42] and there’s a 17 year old boy sitting on his mother’s lap, he said, now I don’t have a Bible

[42:47] verse against that, but something ain’t right. Some of you do that ministerially with people, [42:55] and it’s weird. Stop it. They have biblical autonomy and you are not the Holy Spirit.

[43:06] Ministry is not to meet felt needs, but it’s also not to meet your felt needs. [43:14] Ministry is not about you. How many times I’ve counseled with believers in churches and [43:20] they’ll talk about their resume and what they like doing in terms of ministry at the church and [43:25] their skills and their abilities and their calling and all this sort of thing. And even people [43:28] going so far as to say, well, I really would like to keep doing this ministry because it helps us so [43:33] much. Completely backward and dangerous. Most of us just want to be liked. That’s another wicked

[43:41] temptation when it comes to ministry. That’s a pastor’s great temptation. Oftentimes [43:48] it creates personality cults. And this is why pastors must preach Christ, regardless of whom [43:56] it offends and not themselves. Some preachers will say hard things and the people get upset. [44:04] Well, it’s not about whether or not you like them. If you always like what your pastor’s saying, [44:07] you’re having your ear tickled. Here’s the thing. You cannot know maturity apart from other people. [44:17] Becoming a monk and reading the Bible and praying as much as you want, following a rigorous schedule

[44:21] of church activity, giving away all of your belongings. It doesn’t matter. You can’t attain [44:27] maturity from other people. It’s love. That’s the mark of Christian maturity. And that’s not just [44:34] being nice. Being loving means doing and saying, even when they’re hard things, the hard things [44:43] for someone else is good. By the way, when we do this and you just decide you’re going to love [44:52] someone and it doesn’t work out and you move on to the next relationship and after that you move [44:56] to the next relationship and after that you move to the next relationship, that’s a pretty clear

[45:01] sign that you are relationally immature. You must cultivate these relationships. You must mature [45:08] in your relationship. Finding people who merely share affinities with you is self-serving. [45:15] It’s natural. It’s not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself, but at the end of the day, [45:20] in terms of discipleship, it is self-serving. Every relationship you enter into has some benefit [45:28] for you. You must ask yourself, what is it? Because relational maturity means pushing or [45:35] pulling others toward God without worrying about preserving your self. And the evidence of that

[45:42] relational maturity is love, which is expressed through action that furthers godliness in someone [45:47] else rather than your own self-affirmation and your protection. Some of you, your best ministry [45:52] today is to go home, be with your spouse, go home, be with your kids, stop wasting time on [46:01] parachurch ministries. No matter how much you love or are loved, what will go on and last [46:09] is not you, but Christ in you and your family and your church are going to benefit from that the most.

[46:19] This desire for spiritual growth in relation to others, as I said earlier, [46:22] self-interested, but selfishness in this dies through the sacrifice that these relationships [46:27] require of us in looking to meet the needs of others in love. Most of us are focused on feeling [46:34] loved rather than on loving others. Christian maturity is flipping that script. Some of you [46:44] I know long for justice and this sermon may have touched on that.

[46:52] Some of you here I know long for grace and this sermon brought that to your attention. [47:01] The place where those two things are found is only in the cross of Jesus Christ, [47:08] where his body was broken for us and his blood spilled out and it is only through faith in that [47:15] now risen Savior that you can be counted righteous in God’s sight, put in a right relationship with [47:22] him and begin to cultivate these mature relationships with others. The gospel must be at the center of [47:32] our relationships. Without it, we don’t know the justice and the mercy of God and cannot properly

[47:40] relate to others. And so by way of application, depend on God so that others can depend on you. [47:50] Always be mindful of your motives and help others become God-bred.