Marriage Is Great.

Steve Gentry

[0:08] Alright, go ahead and have a seat. Welcome to Village Church. [0:11] If this is your first time here, my name’s Steve. [0:13] I’m one of the pastors here at Village Church. [0:14] And as always, I am thankful and grateful to see each and every one of you. [0:18] If you have a Bible, go ahead and open it to Hebrews chapter 13. [0:22] We’re going to be parking in verse 4 for much of the morning.

[0:27] I will be using other texts as well, but that’s going to be the main text [0:31] that I’m going to hope to kind of break down and expose what marriage is, [0:37] what our hopes for marriage should be, what our design for marriage should be. [0:42] And so we’re on week three of a series where we’re just talking about the family, [0:47] God’s real vision for flourishing in our lives. [0:52] And so I know that in this series, I’ve got people from all sorts of different

[0:56] life situations, life circumstances. [0:59] Some of you are married and it’s the best thing ever and you’re enjoying it. [1:04] Some of you are married and you’re questioning what you were thinking [1:08] on your wedding day and you’re like, man, what a mistake. [1:12] And some of you are divorced. [1:14] Some of you have endured bad marriages and you’re just thankful

[1:18] that you came out on the other side breathing. [1:20] And so you’ve got some baggage, you’ve got some weight that you’re carrying [1:25] because of some relationship with your past. [1:28] Some of you are single and you want to be married, [1:33] but it’s not working out or you’re single and you don’t want to be married. [1:37] But you are not pursuing Jesus in the way that you are single.

[1:41] Some of you have had parents that did not have marriages [1:45] that were worth living up to. [1:48] And maybe they got divorced, maybe they were just not a great picture [1:52] for you as to what marriage should be. [1:54] And so you’ve got all sorts of hang ups because of mom and dad [1:57] or because you had one and not the other, or maybe you had both

[2:01] and they were just a freak show. [2:03] I mean, we’ve got people from all sorts of different backgrounds, [2:08] even people who have only known healthy relationships [2:13] their entire lives. [2:15] Your parents had a healthy marriage, they had healthy relationships. [2:20] You’re enjoying your marriage.

[2:21] You think it’s great and everyone hates you for it. [2:24] And you’re like, what did I do? [2:27] And so I want you to understand, though, that no matter where you are in life, [2:34] what I’m talking about today has to do with you [2:38] because I’m less talking about how to’s with marriage this morning. [2:43] That’s a series to come later.

[2:45] And I’m more just simply talking about how you should think about marriage, [2:50] how you should view marriage, [2:54] what should your motivation be and the way that you build a basically a world [3:02] view that encompasses the issue of marriage. [3:07] And I can tell you that I’m coming at it from a standpoint [3:11] where I’ve been married for almost 14 years.

[3:14] I have three children. [3:16] I’ve only been married to one person. [3:17] She’s the love of my life. [3:19] I think I’ve got a pretty good marriage. [3:22] I don’t have a perfect marriage because I’m in it. [3:26] But we have a good marriage.

[3:28] I love her. I’m better for her. [3:30] We seek to build what we believe the Bible [3:36] exposes us to where marriage and views of marriage are concerned. [3:41] And the biggest key I want you to understand in that is I believe that how I view [3:47] my marriage is not a minor issue in the lives that I impact in my life [3:55] and the people that are with me in my life.

[3:58] Francis Schaeffer is one of my favorite thinkers, [4:01] and he wrote a his two books on spirituality, which are were not his specialty. [4:06] I think are his best two books, actually. [4:08] And one of them is called No Small People, No Small Places [4:12] or No Little People, No Little Places. [4:14] And in that he talks about how every life,

[4:18] even though you may believe you are not having an impact, God is working [4:22] and it is making an impact for good or for bad. [4:26] And the vision of who we are, where we are has to be encompassed with that reality. [4:32] And I want to apply that this morning where marriages are concerned, [4:36] because many of you are married. [4:38] That’s probably the largest demographic that we have in our church.

[4:42] Are people that are married with children. [4:44] And so I want you to understand that your vision for marriage is probably too small. [4:50] You think that you are just a small marriage [4:54] that isn’t going to impact the world that much. [4:58] And so the decisions that you make, the views that you have [5:01] and the ways that you act towards one another, with one another,

[5:04] are not going to reverberate very far. [5:07] And I want to challenge the way that you think about that, [5:09] because there are no small marriages. [5:12] There are no small impacts. [5:15] God is interested in your marriage to a large degree, [5:21] much larger than you probably think.

[5:23] And you are in your view, in your actions, in your thoughts, [5:30] impacting more people than you think you are impacting. [5:36] And so in that, I want to begin to kind of break down what marriage is and should be. [5:43] And I want to do that in Hebrews 13 for. [5:45] And I picked Hebrews 13 for because it has this amazing way of explaining marriage [5:51] in faith in Jesus Christ to us because of the text surrounding it.

[5:55] And here’s what Hebrews 13 for says. [5:58] It says, Let marriage be held in honor among all. [6:05] And that’s a really big word, all. [6:09] And let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. [6:18] Now, when I talk about that and when I when I read that passage, [6:22] it’s a fascinating passage because of how blunt it is, because of how abrupt it is,

[6:26] because of how corrective it is, because of how in your face it is. [6:30] But I want you to understand that what he’s building there is not a how to, but rather a how come. [6:39] It’s an ethic that everyone that is a follower of Jesus needs to apply to their lives. [6:47] It’s the point number one this morning. [6:49] Families are built on marriages. [6:51] Families are built on marriages.

[6:53] And I know that maybe in your college dorm, you had a group of friends and you guys said, [7:02] we’re not just friends, we’re family. [7:05] And these were your BFFs. [7:07] OK, and that’s fine. [7:08] I think I get what you’re saying. [7:10] You know, really?

[7:13] But that’s not a real family. [7:15] And I hope you understand that. [7:17] I hope I didn’t just ruin your life. [7:19] All right. [7:19] I hope that you understand that a family has an objective definition. [7:26] It is a thing designed by God to flourish in the world and to help society become what God wants it to be.

[7:35] And marriage then acts as the foundation of what families are. [7:40] That’s God’s design. [7:41] And so when a marriage happens, that is the institution of a family. [7:47] And then the offspring. [7:51] Of that marriage build God’s view for family, and they all have different numbers. [7:57] They all have different amounts of boys and girls.

[8:00] You have no control over that, even though you probably wish you did. [8:04] But the family is this unit that God has designed to spring out of the intimacy and pleasure [8:13] that is involved in the relationship of a husband and a wife. [8:19] And Hebrews 13 for falls in a chapter that seems almost like the Proverbs in the way that it lays out. [8:26] He makes very quick statements that almost seem to build islands unto themselves and the ethics that they build. [8:33] But that’s not what’s actually happening.

[8:35] To understand Hebrews, Chapter 13, you have to go back to Hebrews, Chapter 12. [8:40] In Hebrews, Chapter 12, he begins by going off of faith. [8:45] And he says that anything that would prevent you from pursuing the life that God has for you, [8:52] you need to lay all of that aside, whether it’s a sin or whether you think it’s a good thing. [8:58] If it’s a weight that prevents you from pursuing Jesus, get rid of it. [9:02] And then he says, the reason that we do this is because Jesus is the author.

[9:08] And depending on your version, either the finisher, perfecter or completion of your faith. [9:17] He’s saying it is all about Jesus. [9:20] Jesus has done everything to build what it is that needs to be the life that you are going to pursue. [9:28] And in that he is forming a kingdom that will one day be delivered. [9:34] And that is an unshakable kingdom. [9:39] It is going to happen.

[9:41] Root your life down into it. [9:44] Build everything that you have upon that vision, because our God, he finishes Chapter 12, is a consuming fire. [9:52] In other words, he is the thing that encompasses everything that you’re going to be. [9:58] And he needs to define your life. [10:01] And so he heads into Hebrews 13 to then give you a list of the implications that that’s going to be on the life that you are going to build. [10:15] And what’s fascinating is, is verse four almost seems unusual in the way that it deals with spiritual formation.

[10:23] Because when we talk about spiritual formation and discipleship, usually we try to treat it in generalities. [10:30] And we try to treat it. [10:32] And, you know, this is something that can be applied to everyone, no matter what life situation that they are in. [10:39] And since not everyone’s married, well, when you’re talking about what it looks like to live as someone with trust, that God is building an unshakable kingdom and he is all over your life. [10:49] We don’t talk about marriage necessarily, because not everybody’s married. [10:53] But what he does is he turns that around and he says that in the life that you are building for the kingdom of God, marriage must be held in honor among what?

[11:05] All. [11:06] And so he’s saying that no matter what life situation you may find yourself in right now.

[11:15] Single, married and loving it, married and regretting it, divorced. [11:23] Two, three times.

[11:27] The kingdom of God is going to form this ethic in your life if you are pursuing Jesus Christ. [11:37] Marriage needs to be placed in a position of distinctive honor for followers of Jesus, because it has implications that no matter what you’re enduring either needs to correct you or be a hope for your future. [11:56] And that’s where we run into problems. [11:59] That said earlier. [12:00] That I love my wife. [12:02] I love my marriage.

[12:04] I do. [12:05] I wouldn’t part with it for anything. [12:09] I love it. [12:10] And what often happens in the church is we feel a need to downplay that idea so that people who aren’t pursuing the ideal or are experiencing the fallout of less than ideal don’t feel bad about their situation. [12:30] So single people don’t feel bad because I’m not single and I’m not lonely like you are. [12:39] Or because I’ve got the thing that you want the most in your life or I’m challenging your notion of the gift of singleness that you don’t really want anyway.

[12:50] And divorced people, if I have a healthy marriage, it might make you feel bad and remind you of some of the trauma that you endured coming out of the other side of divorce. [13:01] And here’s what I want you to understand. [13:04] If you are single and you want to be married and it doesn’t seem like there is any hope for marriage on the horizon, it does not help you in any way for me to hide how wonderful marriage is for you from you. [13:16] Doesn’t help you at all. [13:17] It hurts you. [13:19] If you are divorced, and here’s the key, I need you to understand here because sometimes you walk into a church and you think that the pastor thinks he’s in front of a choir of white-robed angels.

[13:32] All right. [13:33] No, I know all the divorced people in here. [13:34] I’ve walked with some of you through it. [13:37] And you didn’t like it, did you? [13:39] No, it was terrible. [13:39] Anybody that walks through a divorce and is like, I can’t wait to do that again.

[13:44] I do want to correct you. [13:45] You are a monster. [13:47] All right. [13:48] Divorce is painful and it’s messy. [13:50] But here’s the key. [13:51] I am not aiding you in any way to help you follow Jesus more faithfully or become a more joy filled disciple for me to downplay my joy about my marriage.

[14:04] That’s not helping you. [14:06] No matter what situation you are in, you need the church not just to champion marriage, but to put before you healthy, healthy, and happy. [14:16] Marriages so that you can see what God’s ideal looks like, so that you can have hope of pursuing and attaining God’s ideal for your life, because the word is overwhelmingly positive about marriage. [14:38] In Proverbs, Chapter 18, Solomon is writing to his son about the life that he should build. [14:44] And in verse 22, he says, If you find a wife, you find a good thing. [14:52] That’s important.

[14:54] That’s important. [14:55] Here’s why.

[14:58] Because it lets me know that my wife is good. [15:02] Right. [15:03] The notion of a wife is good. [15:06] And that’s objective. [15:08] That’s a statement. [15:09] That’s not a command.

[15:10] It’s not saying if you find a wife, you better hope she becomes good. [15:16] Or if she burns your eggs three times, that means a wife isn’t good. [15:21] No, it’s making an objective truth claim. [15:25] A wife in a relationship with a husband is a good thing. [15:32] Second half and obtains favor from the Lord. [15:36] That’s a big statement, too, because what he’s saying there is that since I almost 14 years ago found a wife, I found a good thing.

[15:49] And I, in my relationship with my life, am able to experience a level of favor from God that I would not be able to experience without her in my life. [16:03] That doesn’t mean that you’re somehow deficient in your Christianity if you don’t have a wife or a husband. [16:09] But it is saying that you will experience a level of favor and blessing from God with a spouse that you cannot hope to experience without a spouse. [16:20] And that challenges the notion of how you talk about and view your relationship with your spouse.

[16:31] I will never refer to my wife as my ball and chain. [16:35] Ever.

[16:37] Because that is saying the opposite of what the word of God says in Proverbs 18, 22, she’s not a ball and chain. [16:43] I move much faster with her in my life than I would without her in my life, because, number one, she’s quick and number two, she motivates me to be the man that I need to be in Jesus. [16:56] And so she is liberating to me, she is freeing to me, she is building to me, she is a flourishing factor in my life. [17:07] And so when you speak in ways that are negative about marriage and about the spouse that you have in your marriage, you are contradicting the word of God and you should stop that.

[17:23] Wives. [17:25] Stop treating your husband like he’s an idiot and stop saying he’s stupid, he’s no good, he’s lazy. [17:34] How would you speak that way to other people about your spouse? [17:38] So because what happens is that becomes a self-fulfilling process. [17:42] I’m not talking about there’s mojo in my language. [17:45] There isn’t mojo.

[17:46] It doesn’t create reality. [17:47] It is what it is, is the biggest statement we say in our house. [17:51] But when I begin to incorporate cultural language that demeans the design of God into my life, I can expect to have a negative attitude about it. [18:04] You need to be the biggest champion that your spouse has in his or her life. [18:08] And here’s the key. [18:09] This is a father writing to his son.

[18:11] If it was a mother writing to her daughter, she would say, if you find a husband, you find a good thing and you obtain favor from the Lord. [18:18] Wives, you need to know that about your husbands. [18:21] I know husbands seem imperfect. [18:23] A lot of times culture has actually conditioned us to believe that because most fathers in sitcoms that we grew up watching, except for Danny Tanner, [18:34] he’s a hugger, was a complete Neanderthal.

[18:40] All right. [18:41] Break that chain. [18:43] Stop believing that lie. [18:45] No matter what your experience is, let the word of God determine what is. [18:49] Marriage is a wonderful gift from God. [18:52] When we typically think about a life that pleases God, we tend to treat it as something that must be individualized to fit where you are with what you are dealing with,

[19:03] rather than holding up God’s ideals like the honor that marriage deserves because it’s God’s design and saying, [19:10] no matter what I’ve experienced, no matter what I’ve endured, no matter what I’m dealing with, what God says about that is true. [19:18] And because of that, you, no matter what situation you are in, no matter what you’ve experienced, can view marriage as a beautiful thing. [19:27] That challenges it because in my experience with dealing with people in every situation where marriage is concerned, [19:35] marriage is the biggest issue that most people treat based on their experience rather than what God says about it.

[19:45] And it is almost compartmentalized as if it’s a unique animal that more people view marriage through the lens of experience rather than viewing marriage through the lens of scripture. [19:56] You need to view every experience in your life, whether it was a pleasant one or whether it was one you wish you never endured through the lens of scripture before you ever look at it through the lens of your experience. [20:09] Because if you look at things in life through the lens of experience as the ultimate authority, you will be left with broken definitions for everything in your life, [20:17] and you will never be able to recover what God wants you to have in your life. [20:21] And if God wants you to have it in your life, here’s the key. You can have it in your life. [20:30] Because number two, marriage teaches the gospel. Marriage teaches the gospel.

[20:38] It’s fascinating talking about redemption. Redemption is a core value here at Village Church because redemption is the gospel of Jesus Christ. [20:46] It is the good news that Jesus has died for our sins and risen from the dead to give us a new life. [20:54] Redemption always has as a vision for it restoration. [21:00] It’s always in view of restoring. Whatever God redeems, he has a path of restoration. [21:09] And so you need to trust that that is a gospel truth from the scriptures and you need to apply that to your vision for marriage. [21:22] And you might say, but I’ve experienced too much.

[21:26] Well, the good news is, is that in view of Jesus being the author and finisher of our faith, [21:33] the second half of the verse sets boundaries around what God wants it to do. [21:37] Here’s what he says. He says, let the marriage bed be undefiled. [21:42] And you say, but it’s been defiled. I know. Keep going.

[21:47] And he says, for God will judge the sexually immoral and the adulterous. [21:51] That’s fascinating. What God is doing there is taking a worldly ethic for sex and he is placing a boundary around holiness. [22:03] He’s giving us the ideal so that we will know what marriage is supposed to be so that we can pursue it. [22:11] And so he places not a limit on your sexual freedom, but rather a boundary around sexual holiness. [22:22] He wants you to understand that he has designed it to exist for a specific person and a specific place in a specific time in your life. [22:33] And he’s showing you if you want to experience it the way that God desires for you to experience it, experience it in this way.

[22:43] Because you are going to learn what it is to follow Jesus by following this design. [22:51] There are three people that marriage teaches the gospel to. [22:57] The first one is the world. The second one is me. And the third one is you. And by you, I mean my spouse or your spouse.

[23:05] First, marriage teaches the gospel to the world. [23:09] It teaches the gospel to the world all around you. [23:11] Why would he talk about the unshakable kingdom of God? [23:16] Then go into this idea that marriage is an honor. [23:21] Don’t dishonor it in this way, because he’s showing you the way that Christians will treat marriage.

[23:29] There is a direct reflection of your faith in Jesus and how you act and think in your marriage. [23:39] So direct reflection. You cannot compartmentalize the two for too long. [23:46] Many of us have believed the lie that we can grow in our discipleship. [23:52] We can grow in our faithfulness to Jesus Christ and treat our spouses terribly. [23:59] For too long, the church has allowed people to believe that you can grow in your faith in Jesus Christ [24:06] and deny the sexual ethic that God has given us to pursue in our lives.

[24:13] You cannot compartmentalize or treat them as differently that which God says overflows into each place. [24:21] Your marriage shows your discipleship. Treat it that way. [24:27] Treat it with that severity. Treat it with that seriousness. [24:31] He goes directly to what it looks like to be unfaithful in your marriage [24:36] so that you will learn what it is to be faithful in your marriage. [24:41] Recently, a teacher by the name of Jen Wilkins said that Scripture whispers about sexual sin.

[24:51] The church needs to whisper about sexual sin. [24:54] For the most part, I think she’s great, but she’s so dead wrong in this. [24:58] It’s been said you couldn’t be more wrong if you were wronger. [25:01] And she’s really, really wrong here. [25:03] I mean, so wrong, it’s wrong. [25:06] All right. The Bible does not whisper about sexual sin in any way.

[25:12] It shouts about God’s design and it shouts into our lives. [25:17] The unique sexual distinctives that are to be true of the church [25:21] so that we can show the world the uniqueness of our fidelity to marriage [25:29] and to the design that God has given marriage. [25:32] Because in the coming days, if you want to know what will be the most unique thing about the church [25:39] and that which even within conservative circles will be exposed to be that where we are tempted to falter

[25:47] and what will hold us as unique in proclaiming the gospel to the world will be our sexual ethic. [25:52] And that’s why he uses two different words for it. [25:55] The second one is adultery. [25:58] Adultery is any time that you cheat on your spouse with someone who is not your spouse. [26:05] There are different levels of adultery. [26:07] And what he’s typically talking about in the language here is physical infidelity here.

[26:13] But here’s the thing I want you to understand. [26:14] If you have a work spouse, all right, you’re looking to cheat. [26:20] I don’t know if some of you have used that type of language. [26:22] Get it out of your vocabulary. End that relationship.

[26:27] You’re emotionally cheating, which always leads to physical cheating. [26:32] [26:33] Husbands, stop texting women that aren’t your wife about things that are personal. [26:38] Well, she understands me in a way that my spouse doesn’t. [26:41] Pansy, be a man. [26:44] And I mean that in the most offensive way possible.

[26:49] All right, I’ll talk about that next week. [26:50] I got to be careful. [26:51] I’m talking about fatherhood next week, and I’m going to talk about masculinity the whole time. [26:55] And so I got to be careful not to talk about that stuff. [26:58] That’s an advertisement. Be here next week. [27:00] Who knows what I’m going to say?

[27:01] I mean, really, it’s crazy. [27:03] It’s going to be crazier in two weeks when I talk about femininity, [27:06] because there’s nothing women love more than a man talking about femininity. [27:10] I mean, am I right? [27:13] I know I’m looking forward to it because you have much to learn. [27:16] But I’m just the man to teach you what a woman should be.

[27:22] And so what we have, though, is this misunderstanding that adultery is this, [27:30] you know, it’s always one step further than you’re at right now. [27:34] Stop that. Be faithful to your wife. [27:37] I am never alone with a woman that’s not my mother, my sister, my daughter, or my wife. [27:45] Never. [27:47] You say, oh, that’s that Mike Pence rule.

[27:48] No, it was the Billy Graham rule first. [27:50] It was also the Jerry Falwell rule. [27:51] You can call it the Steve Gentry rule. [27:52] You ain’t getting me alone, lady.

[27:56] And again, it went to whatever.

[28:03] Here’s what you need to feel about this is that you want to avoid that [28:08] because your faithfulness to your spouse is more important to you than anything under the sun. [28:13] Anything. [28:14] But he is a second word. [28:16] That’s the first one. [28:17] And I want to I dealt with that one second because it’s more broad.

[28:20] He uses a term called sexual immorality in the original language is one word, [28:24] but it’s a very broad word and it’s purposefully a broad word. [28:28] Jesus uses the same idea. [28:30] It’s this broad stroke that is meant to encompass any sexual sin or sexual deviation from God’s design inside of marriage. [28:41] In other words, if you are not married and you are seeking the intimacy physically outside of the bounds of marriage,

[28:51] you’re dishonoring marriage. [28:54] That could be a whole host of things. [28:56] Guys, don’t fornicate with women.

[29:02] Don’t fornicate with pornography. [29:05] Don’t do it. [29:06] It dishonors marriage and Christians honor marriage. [29:11] We put it up on a pedestal, but it goes further than that.

[29:16] Any deviation from God’s design of gender identity is sexual immorality.

[29:23] Any deviation from God’s design of attraction to be between a man and a woman is sexual immorality. [29:31] Same sex attraction is sexual immorality. [29:36] There is no place for it in the church. [29:39] Now, there is a place for people that struggle with all sins under the sun, [29:47] but it can never be baptized in righteousness if God says it is designed to be something else. [29:55] We must be the people that champion God’s design for all things.

[30:05] Marriage being one of the most important things, especially in the coming days. [30:12] Jesus said in Mark chapter 10, he said that marriage was designed in Genesis chapter 2. [30:20] A man shall leave his father and mother whole fast to his wife. [30:22] And then he began to talk about divorce, and he exposed the flaws in their laws on divorce, and he said they are too simple. [30:30] He said that when you just seek to divorce one and go to another, that does not excuse your adultery. [30:38] And so Jesus builds this ethic where divorce is not supposed to be something that is the norm amongst his people.

[30:48] It is supposed to be that which is avoided at all costs.

[30:55] In marriage, we must protect what God has said is holy, enjoy what God has said is holy, [31:02] champion what God has said is holy, and sacrifice when we cannot get what we believe we deserve, [31:11] where pleasure is concerned, so that we can hold marriage in a higher level of honor. [31:19] We teach the world the gospel through the way that we think about marriage, [31:24] through the way that we act in our marriage, and through the way that we show the world our marriages. [31:30] You know, it also teaches me the gospel.

[31:33] See, the mission of Jesus is so important, I can never discount what my life shows to the world around me. [31:39] But it’s also so far-reaching that I can never limit what it’s going to teach me either. [31:44] See, marriage teaches me so many wonderful things about the gospel of Jesus Christ. [31:49] Number one, it teaches me so much about grace. [31:52] You see, some of you, you’ve come in here this morning and you know the baggage you’ve got, [31:56] you know the shame that you were carrying around, you know what you’ve struggled with in your past,

[32:01] but you believe in Jesus, yet you carry that shame, guilt, and baggage, [32:07] and it is preventing you from having the future that God has designed for you to have. [32:11] God never redeems anyone without a future view of restoration in mind. [32:19] In other words, if Jesus died for it, stop limiting your life because of it. [32:27] Some of you are carrying around sexual shame because of a past that has been marked with immorality. [32:34] I understand. I understand why you believe that you’re never going to be allowed by God to have his vision for your life,

[32:45] but I also want you to understand that is the lie of Satan in your ear, and that is not the Holy Spirit speaking to you.

[32:53] Jesus, on the cross, paid the penalty for every single sin in your life. [33:01] And if Jesus has paid the penalty for it, that means that you don’t have to live the penalty for it. [33:11] No matter what you are guilty of in your past, and I’m not going to pretend you didn’t do it, [33:17] you did it and it’s affecting you, but you can’t change it. You can’t adjust it. You can’t make it as if it didn’t happen. [33:25] It did. And it had the effect on you that it has had just like everyone else’s experiences and everyone else’s sin. [33:34] But when you trust in Jesus Christ, even in view of what your past says,

[33:41] walk with your head high into this world, believing that you can have everything that God says you can have. [33:51] What he redeems, he seeks to restore. He can restore you from any place he has found you to what he says you were designed to be and have and live for. [34:09] Friends, that’s the gospel. He died for your sin, and he rose from the dead to give you what? A new life. [34:19] Believe it and chase it because it’s yours. You don’t need to walk around like you were a second rate Christian. [34:26] You’re the same kind of Christian every other Christian is a sinner saved by grace. [34:31] You can have the life you were designed to have. But in that it also teaches me not just grace, it teaches me great obedience.

[34:40] Marriage is a wonderful incubator for discipleship. I mean, I love marriage, and it’s also challenging. [34:47] So it wears me out sometimes. Marriage gives me an environment where I can become a better man. [34:53] I mean, I really can. As I grow in my relationship with Jesus, as I grow in the way that God wants me to live, [35:02] I learn how to be the husband that God wants me to be, how to be the father that God wants me to be. [35:07] And that involves so much obedience. In First Corinthians, Chapter 13, the apostle Paul writes this. [35:15] And before I read it, though, I’m doing this differently in this service.

[35:20] Before I read it, I know First Corinthians 13 has been read at every wedding you’ve ever been to, and you can quote it verbatim. [35:26] And so because of that, whenever that happens, we tend to become a little calloused to the effect they can have on us. [35:34] But if you really sit and read First Corinthians 13, it’s the most challenging passage you will ever read in your life. [35:41] Here’s what the apostle says.

[35:56] Believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. [36:02] I want to point out two things here. First, in every instance, sexual immorality and adultery does damage to love.

[36:11] Every motivator that would lead you to be sexually immoral or to commit adultery is the opposite of love.

[36:20] But secondly, it’s more far reaching than that. [36:24] The big hinge on that section of verses is this phrase in verse five. [36:30] It does not insist on its own way. [36:36] That is a challenging idea. [36:39] Because every issue you will ever run into in your marriage is because you’re insisting on your own way.

[36:46] I mean, I’ve been married a couple of days, and I’ve insisted on my own way a lot. [36:50] And it’s never gone well for me. [36:54] Rarely ends well, rarely starts well, and in between it, not great either.

[37:00] But it’s the same in every situation. [37:03] When you grow in selfishness, it tears your relationship apart. [37:09] But when you then, let’s say you have a blow up with your spouse, and you get alone, and you pray about that blow up with your spouse. [37:17] I’m just telling you the truth. I’ve never walked away from that prayer. [37:21] The Lord gave me a word where I’m going to correct her with.

[37:27] And that’s because my wife is righteous. Maybe you’ve got an unrighteous wife. [37:30] But I walk away saying, oh, come on. [37:34] I got to say I’m sorry again, Lord.

[37:38] Love doesn’t insist on its own way. [37:40] Love bears all things. [37:42] Love is patient. [37:44] Love is kind. [37:44] My marriage has given me an environment in which I can grow in so many different ways. [37:54] It helps me to be patient.

[37:56] It teaches me to be humble, kind, generous, joyful, sacrificial, helpful, and on and on and on. [38:06] You want to know an environment where you got to learn obedience? [38:10] Being a marriage. [38:12] But you see, inside of that marriage, it also gives us a wonderful, wonderful environment to learn how to forgive someone. [38:20] And to learn how to restore something when all trust has been lost. [38:28] Marriage is a wonderful disciple in my life.

[38:30] Marriage has challenged me for almost 14 years now to be a better man today than I was yesterday. [38:36] To hope to be a better man tomorrow than I am today. [38:40] Because when I am not seeking to be and become a better man, do you know what suffers? [38:47] My entire family.

[38:51] Marriage teaches me the gospel, but it also teaches you the gospel, my wife.

[38:56] You see, I learn what it is to be a husband. [38:59] I learn what it is to be a father. [39:00] I learn what it is to be a better man. [39:02] My wife learns what it is to be a better woman. [39:05] What it is to be a better wife. [39:07] What it is to be a better mother.

[39:09] And see, every way that I am able to grow, she is given an environment to grow on the female side. [39:17] Marriage is this wonderful discipleship tool designed by God to grow us as Ephesians chapter 5, verses 31 and 32 says it will grow us. [39:29] Because he points to Genesis 2 and then he says, this mystery is profound. [39:32] And I say, it is a picture of Jesus and His church. [39:37] It is amazing about marriage being for a lifetime, is that it takes 50 or some years to live that out. [39:46] Because it is about teaching us how faithful Jesus is to His church.

[39:52] And the only way that marriage can show faithfulness is when it endures a lot of things and you walk out on the other side still faithful to your spouse. [40:04] Every marriage I have ever performed in the ceremony, every couple I have ever talked to before they got married, every couple that has come to me, [40:13] real trouble of divorce and the real tough situation, the story is typically the same in some general senses, not all the specifics. [40:23] But it is because on the day of your marriage you said, for better or worse, and you said, in sickness and in health. [40:30] But what you meant was for better and in health.

[40:34] You discounted how much worse there was going to be and a lot of people discount how much sickness there is ultimately going to be at some point.

[40:45] I got some news for some of you. [40:47] You should have spent and need to spend time right now preparing for the worse, preparing for the sickness. [40:53] Because that shows a person’s character more than anything else does.

[41:00] You have to commit, I will stay through it all.

[41:06] Every single marriage is going to hit icebergs. [41:13] Every single marriage is going to have days where you’re going to question your spouse’s sanity. [41:20] You’re going to think they need to be committed at some point. [41:24] You’re going to go bankrupt twice. [41:26] That’s just the reality of the fallen world that we live in and it’s this beautiful picture of the gospel. [41:34] Because love endures all things. Because Jesus endures all things.

[41:38] Thirdly, marriage is sanctifying.

[41:43] Sanctification is a term that simply means to be set apart for God’s purpose. [41:47] It means that there’s one life that’s without the purpose of God and there’s another life with the purpose of God. [41:53] And as a Christian, we want to live for the purpose of God. [41:56] And so we are set apart to those things. [41:58] Anything that will prevent us from seeking that is set aside so that we can grow and flourish in God. [42:04] And marriage, as we finish, teaches us that in three ways.

[42:09] Marriage is sanctifying because it teaches us faithfulness. [42:13] Marriage teaches faithfulness in ways that nothing else can. [42:18] Because you’re going to be tempted in your sin to not be faithful in one way, shape, or form. [42:23] And the Holy Spirit will speak into your life. Be faithful. [42:27] In Malachi chapter 2, the prophet looks to God and he says, [42:33] Why did you design life to be the way that you designed it?

[42:37] Why is marriage the way that you designed it to be? [42:40] And God looks to the prophet and he says, I want God the offspring, number one. [42:45] That’s for those of you that still don’t think you need to have babies. [42:48] So guard yourselves in your spirit and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. [42:55] For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, [42:59] the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts.

[43:03] So guard yourselves in your spirit and do not be faithless. [43:05] There’s three phrases in there that are vital. [43:07] The first one covers his garment with violence. [43:11] When you are unfaithful to your spouse, that word for violence means sin with injustice. [43:21] It joins the two. [43:23] It says that you are making a victim out of someone.

[43:28] So do not treat your faithfulness as though it is a small matter. [43:33] The second phrase he says is be on guard. [43:36] Some of you are more on guard about your career than you are your marriage.

[43:42] And that shows how wicked your affections are.

[43:46] You care more about the bottom line financially than you do the health of your marriage. [43:51] Friends, that is not godly. [43:54] Friends, the Scripture leaves no category for that. [43:56] You say, I’m in it for my wife. No, you’re not. [43:59] You’re in it for your ego, friend. [44:02] You need to care about your marriage more than you care about anything else in your life

[44:05] because it’s a direct reflection of your love for Jesus Christ.

[44:10] Be on guard. [44:12] But then he says something very interesting to finish it. [44:15] He says do not be faithless. [44:18] What’s interesting about that is in the original language he doesn’t say don’t be unfaithful. [44:25] It’s a different word. [44:26] He says don’t be faithless.

[44:29] What he does is he says that the way that you act towards your spouse [44:34] is a direct reflection of the health of your faith in God.

[44:41] He says when you do violence to your marriage, [44:46] you show a lack of faith in God. [44:52] That’s how vital your marriage is. [44:55] So be faithful. [44:56] Faithfulness, though, makes the second thing that it teaches. [44:59] Marriage teaches fruitfulness.

[45:01] Yeah, babies are involved in that. [45:03] I’m a big champion of that, by the way. [45:04] If you didn’t notice, I think that people get married and need to have babies. [45:09] But it’s more than that. [45:12] It teaches you the fruits of the Spirit.

[45:16] It teaches you patience. [45:17] It teaches you everything that 1 Corinthians 13 says that needs to be true of the love in your life. [45:25] That’s what fruitfulness is. [45:27] It gives you an environment to grow those things in your life. [45:30] And then when you are fruitful, marriage will teach you stewardship. [45:35] When you have things to cultivate and care for in your life, you have to steward it.

[45:41] Did you know that you need to work on your marriage?

[45:46] See, some of you have grown very apathetic about your relationship with your spouse, [45:50] and it’s going to cause your marriage to suffer. [45:53] You need to steward any fruit that God produces in your life. [45:59] You need to steward your marriage. [46:03] You need to understand that the products of marriage in your life [46:08] build what the church champions in this world.

[46:15] That means that if you’re single, honor marriage. [46:19] If you’re married, honor marriage. [46:24] If you are divorced, honor marriage. [46:30] Marriage must be honored with the people of God, [46:34] no matter what you are dealing with, no matter what you are walking through, [46:38] because God designed it to be a gift to the world

[46:43] that shows the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. [46:46] Every Sunday we reflect on Communion. [46:51] It’s the Lord’s Supper. [46:53] The bread represents the broken body of Jesus as He suffered and died on the cross. [46:58] The cup represents His shed blood as He bled and poured His life out for you. [47:06] And here’s the significance today.

[47:09] Many of you have not lived and feel guilt, you feel shame, [47:16] you have confusion about marriage. [47:20] And what I want you to understand, no matter where you are, [47:22] no matter what you’re dealing with, when you eat and drink, [47:26] it represents you proclaiming to everyone in this room, [47:31] I have faith in Jesus Christ.

[47:33] And that means that you believe He has redeemed you. [47:37] And when you believe He has redeemed you, it’s with a view of restoration. [47:43] That means when you come and eat and drink, proclaim to everybody that you believe [47:47] the Gospel of Jesus Christ, [47:50] you will seek to walk out these doors and honor marriage. [47:56] When you’re ready, come.