Children Are Great.

Nate Schlomann

[0:08] Go ahead and have a seat everybody. Good morning. My name is Nate. I’m one of the [0:12] pastors here at Village Church and it is really really good to see all of you [0:16] here this morning. So this morning we’re gonna talk about children and parenting [0:21] as we continue on in our family series looking at different ways that scripture [0:26] talks about the family. Last week pastor Steve mentioned that no matter what life [0:32] situation you find yourself in, you want the church to be championing the family.

[0:37] Healthy families make healthy churches and actually even more than that healthy [0:41] families make healthy communities, healthy families make healthy countries, [0:45] healthy families makes a healthy world and so you want the church to be [0:49] championing the family and this applies to children just as much as anything. [0:55] Maybe you’re in here and your children are grown, maybe you don’t have kids yet. [0:59] I know there’s a lot of people in here with little kids. I also know there are

[1:03] some people in here who want to have children but for different reasons you [1:07] don’t or you can’t and that could bring up some hurts as we talk about children. [1:11] I thought pastor Steve did an excellent job last week just talking about how in [1:14] all of these topics of family you’ve got to ultimately find your identity in [1:19] Christ. Don’t take anything that we’re talking about as us saying that you’re [1:22] less than in whatever situation God has you because there is a danger in the

[1:28] church in avoiding certain topics because they don’t apply equally to [1:32] everybody and church has been guilty of that I think the last few generations of [1:36] there are certain things we just don’t want to talk about that much because it [1:39] doesn’t apply to everybody it’s gonna make some people feel bad and so we [1:43] avoid certain topics that need to be so desperately talked about like what we’re [1:48] gonna talk about this morning talking about children because here’s the

[1:50] reality even if you don’t have kids what happens with the kids of the church [1:54] is vital to the ongoing mission of Jesus. I know it’s a cliche but it’s that for [2:00] a reason our children are the church of tomorrow our children are the church of [2:04] the future and so when we’re dead and gone what will be left of the church is [2:08] our children and their children and their children so what I want us to see [2:12] this morning is that kind of generational outlook is very scriptural.

[2:17] The Bible speaks of the next generation as a blessing and the Bible children [2:22] are desired and their prize as something of great value and frankly for much of [2:27] human history that has just been something that is common sense in all [2:30] of society but we’re living now in a culture that really in a lot of ways [2:35] has devalued children. Sure our cultural culture will give lip service to the [2:40] value of children but reality is different. Children are often talked

[2:44] about in terms of what they cost us and this is key having children is often [2:49] viewed as just one possible life choice out of many just an option to be [2:54] considered out of many. In our culture there’s no overarching sense of purpose [2:59] with kids no understanding that having children is one of the main functions of [3:04] life even though Christianity teaches this most other world religions teaches [3:09] this and even secular biology makes this obvious but still it’s something that we

[3:14] don’t even consider anymore. Even among Christians who should know better we’ve [3:19] largely lost any sense of coherent teaching around the cultural mandate to [3:23] be fruitful and multiply to have children Steve talked about that really [3:26] well last week in week one but you need to realize that kind of thing was a very [3:31] common teaching in the church up until just very recently church used to talk [3:35] about that all the time and we don’t talk about it anymore. People love their kids

[3:41] I’m not saying that they don’t but a sense of value and purpose in children [3:46] that’s what’s being lost and what you can’t argue with is that our culture is [3:50] just not having kids anymore that’s what you can’t argue with birth rates have [3:55] been falling dramatically especially the last 20 years but then even maybe more [3:59] alarmingly especially the last five years if you look birth rates are kind [4:04] of going off a cliff we’re not even at replacement rate anymore we’re not

[4:07] making enough people to keep our population up that’s got to say [4:11] something about a culture doesn’t it it’s got to say something about how a [4:14] culture values kids it’s not complicated how we got here I think our technology [4:21] our affluence the relative safety of life that we live in now it allows us to [4:26] go through life without ever thinking about our survival or our well-being of [4:31] the next generation we don’t ever have to think if I don’t invest in children

[4:35] there might be no one left to carry on after me and we got to realize that not [4:40] ever being in that frame of mind is not a luxury that most people in the history [4:44] of humankind have ever had we have that now but we need then to fight back [4:49] against the mentality that that brings of not thinking about the next generation [4:54] what all this means and the reason I’m talking about all this is that a lot of [4:58] the cultural messages that we’re getting about children are confused at best and

[5:02] often just wrong children are viewed as an accessory to our lives or even a [5:08] nuisance or even worse I think something that keeps us from our own happiness [5:11] something that keeps us from our own fulfillment of what we really would [5:15] like to be doing with our lives and the church needs to be the place where we [5:19] see clearly the value of having and raising children of making and [5:23] encouraging families and so that’s why this morning and everything that we talk

[5:27] about I wanted to be heard loud and clear that the church thinks and the [5:32] children are great that having children around is great that sacrificing for [5:37] children is worth it and great that when you understand the value of putting your [5:40] effort and energy into raising and valuing children if you really [5:45] understand that from a biblical point of view you’re gonna say children are great [5:48] and that applies to those with and without kids if you don’t have kids even

[5:53] that you understand it how you raise the children of the church how you encourage [5:57] them how you teach them it matters for the next generation children are great [6:02] and in a world that doesn’t understand this we want the church to be known for [6:06] this so this morning we’re gonna look at what the Bible has to say about children [6:09] how the Bible values children and then yes we’re gonna get very practical and [6:15] we’re talk about some key principles the Bible shares about parenting and raising

[6:19] children obviously we can only do so much in about 35 minutes but I do hope [6:24] that we get to some practical things for those of you which I know there’s many [6:27] that are in the thick of it with little kids you might be wondering why talk [6:32] about parenting right at the beginning of the family series and that’s something [6:35] that you kind of throw in at the end right shouldn’t we have talked about [6:38] marriage first and we have talked about fatherhood and motherhood and

[6:41] masculinity and femininity some topics that we’re gonna get to and here’s what [6:45] I also want us to be thinking about as we look at the value of children this [6:48] morning a lot of times it’s much more helpful to begin with the end in mind and [6:53] I think when you understand how important children are when you [6:57] understand the value of children understand the importance of parenthood [7:01] it puts in perspective why marriage matters so much my fatherhood matters so

[7:07] much my motherhood matters so much and even I think you’re gonna see later on [7:10] why masculinity and femininity matters so much these things matter a lot because [7:14] they are what we are passing on to the next generation and so it gives you a [7:18] priority in investing in those things if you understand the importance of [7:23] the importance of passing the faith on to the next generation so let’s take a [7:28] look at how the Bible values children let’s start by looking at Psalms 127

[7:33] verses 3 through 4 it’ll be up on the screen so you can turn to it it says [7:38] this behold children are a heritage from the Lord the fruit of the womb a reward [7:43] like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth blessed is [7:47] the man who fills his quiver with them so I have four kids but they are all [7:53] very young I know I haven’t been through the entire range of parenting yet I’ve [7:57] got a lot coming for me right but I’ve been pastoring real live people all

[8:02] right for over 10 years now and so I have walked with some people through [8:06] some things and I know that hard times are coming with my kids it is it is [8:11] going to happen but here’s what I can stand on because God’s Word is true and [8:16] here’s what you can stand on in whatever situation you find yourself in because [8:21] Here’s what we can say regardless of what the future holds or regardless of [8:26] what the past has held children are a heritage from the Lord here’s what you

[8:32] can stand on regardless of your current situation children are a blessing from [8:36] the Lord my first point this morning is that we need to see from Scripture that [8:40] children are a good gift from God we’ve got to get a Christian worldview when it [8:44] comes to children and we’re not going to get that feeding on the negativity and [8:50] our current cultural moment we don’t measure the value of children based on [8:54] dollars and cents you do that that’s how you end up with silly articles floating

[8:58] around the internet about children being worth $500,000 and the money that you’ll [9:02] save if you don’t have them we can’t value kids that way we don’t even [9:06] measure the value of children based on what they give us in terms of our own [9:10] self-fulfillment and our own happiness you don’t want to go down that road [9:14] children are valuable in and of themselves because they’re a gift from [9:17] God so a lot to learn from this passage but look back at Psalms 127 first we see

[9:25] that children are a heritage and this means something like an inheritance [9:29] that God gives that’s why sometimes this is translated in some translations as [9:35] children are a gift from the Lord but heritage is more than a gift it’s a gift [9:40] that brings lasting value it’s a gift that builds a legacy it’s a gift [9:45] basically that keeps on giving you some gifts don’t keep on giving sometimes [9:49] someone gives you a gift and it deteriorates sometimes someone gives you

[9:52] a gift and it comes with a monthly fee ever got one of those and so that’s [9:56] what our culture sometimes use kids like the gift that comes with a price tag [10:01] right I’m not saying that children cost anything but children are heritage they [10:06] actually give us more than what they could ever cost us the Bible says [10:12] children are more than a gift their heritage that adds lasting value that [10:15] can’t be quantified and so they’re never to be viewed in terms of what they

[10:19] cost and you know this if you ask any parent what they would give up for their [10:24] child because except for a few crazy people and I’ve got to acknowledge [10:27] they’re there but almost every old no every sane person almost everyone [10:32] without fault would say there’s nothing they would give up for their kids right [10:36] if you offered someone five hundred thousand dollars let’s just go with that [10:40] offer them five hundred thousand dollars for their kid are they going to take it

[10:43] that’s ridiculous and you could go way higher than that value they’re not gonna [10:48] give up anything for their kids and a wise person thinks about this we know [10:52] this to be true in society it’s true of Christians it’s true of non-christians [10:56] it’s true of everyone we know people would not be willing to give up anything [11:00] for their kids so a wise person sees that and says hmm children must have a [11:05] value that isn’t really properly understood if no one would give up their

[11:09] children for any amount of money if you don’t have children yet there should be [11:15] a lot of wisdom to learn from observing that maybe that’s something you ought to [11:20] aspire to if it’s something so valuable no one would give up but this is where [11:26] we’re at a foolish culture like ours looks at something like that and says [11:31] that parents are just saying that because they can’t return their kids [11:33] right it’s not true it’s real it’s so universal we just know instinctively

[11:40] children are priceless but we don’t act on it but scripture says they’re [11:45] priceless in fact Psalms goes on to say that children are a reward in this Psalms [11:51] 127 passage and that doesn’t mean that children are a reward for a job well done [11:55] as if we’ve earned them anybody can have kids but the idea of a reward speaks to [12:01] the attitude that we’re supposed to have towards the kids there are reward there [12:04] of great value and so we should view kids as something very valuable that God

[12:09] has given to us and then the Psalm goes on to speak about the purpose of [12:15] children why God gives them to us and why they are so valuable so look again [12:19] at Psalms 127 verse 4 it’s like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children [12:25] of one’s youth the Bible uses the imagery that children are like arrows in [12:30] the hands of a warrior being sent out by their parents as they become adults [12:34] but here’s the question what are children being sent out to do and if you

[12:40] really think about this question this is gonna define your parenting your kids [12:45] have to be sent out so like arrows in the hands of a warrior your kids were [12:49] given to you to be sent out for something if they aren’t sent out that’s [12:53] a whole other problem on another sermon that we don’t have time for right almost [12:56] every kid is supposed to be sent out but assuming they’re gonna be sent out what [12:59] are they sent out for well who gave them to us God gave them to us who do

[13:05] our kids belong to they belong to God and so our children can either be sent [13:10] out for God’s purposes on God’s mission or we can try to use them for our [13:15] purposes in our own desires usually that ends up looking like some vision of [13:20] success that we have for their lives that kind of affirms the job that we’ve [13:24] done or or the legacy that we want to leave the promises in Scripture about [13:29] children all assume that we are living for God’s purposes and that we want the

[13:34] same thing for our kids and in fact it’s actually a little bit more than that [13:38] when we’re living for God’s mission and our goal for our kids is that they would [13:42] be sent out for God’s mission then children are a blessing and a reward [13:45] because they further God’s purposes and mission in the world in a way that we [13:49] never could on our own and this is true also even if you don’t have kids if you [13:56] because the children of the church go on and further the mission of the church in

[14:01] ways that you never could on your own this is the generational value of [14:05] children that scripture speaks to see the Bible views children as a huge [14:10] blessing and joy because they carry on the purpose we were created for let’s [14:15] look at two more passages of scripture very quickly so I’m a briefly show you a [14:19] couple other ways scripture talks about children Psalms 112 verses one and two [14:23] it’ll be up there on the screen praise the Lord blessed is the man who fears

[14:28] the Lord who greatly delights in his commandments his offspring will be [14:32] mighty in the land the generation of the upright will be blessed I just want to [14:36] note almost in passing that we see in this verse a blessing of following God [14:42] is seeing generations come after that also follow God that’s scriptures [14:46] attitude towards kids as they are a blessing because they are going to [14:50] continue to follow God after we’re gone and then real quickly over in second

[14:54] John verse 4 is the Apostle John writing he says I rejoice greatly to find that [15:00] some of your children walking in the truth just as we were commanded by the [15:04] Father I love that verse because the Apostle John is talking about the joy he [15:09] sees in the children of the church following Jesus and he knows that they’re [15:14] going to continue on the mission of Jesus long after he is gone and so he’s [15:18] saying I find joy in that the children are walking in the truth children are

[15:24] heritage in a reward because through sending children out on mission we’ve [15:28] got the opportunity to bring God more glory and honor than we ever could [15:32] without them and if that kind of statement about the core value of [15:38] children sounds a little bit manipulative to you like we’re saying the purpose of [15:42] children is just utilitarian and just what they can accomplish in this world [15:46] you would be right if we weren’t talking about the mission and purposes of God

[15:50] and his eternal plans in the world the point is that we are all put on this [15:55] earth to bring God glory and live for God’s mission and so it should bring us [15:59] joy to see that being lived out in our children in a way that continues after [16:04] we’re gone and ultimately that concept is about our love for our kids because we [16:09] know the most loving thing possible for our kids and for the children of the [16:13] church is that they would know and serve Jesus and so that becomes our

[16:17] desire for them before we move on to the next point as we talked about how [16:22] scripture kind of values kids I want to talk just for a moment about how we talk [16:28] about our children because if scripture values children so highly I think we [16:33] need to be very very careful in this cultural moment about adopting cultural [16:37] attitudes towards kids and specifically in the language that we use about our [16:41] kids our language matters and so if you know that kids are not ultimately a

[16:47] burden if you know that they’re a blessing if you know that they’re a [16:50] heritage if you know that they’re not an inconvenience be careful to not talk [16:55] about them that way be careful about making it sound like kids are a drag or [17:00] that you don’t like them I think we as a church need to be known for speaking [17:04] positively about our kids and what I’m not saying is don’t ever talk with [17:09] trusted friends about the struggles of parenting you should do that those are

[17:14] real you need to do that I’m not saying never make a good joke every once in a [17:17] while that’s okay too I’m saying what should our overall season talk be like [17:23] should people look at us and see these are people who buy their language clearly [17:26] like kids clearly think kids are valuable or is the only thing the world [17:32] ever hears from us oh man it’s so hard oh man I’m so tired oh man I wish I could [17:38] that but I can’t because of kids if that’s all the world ever hears from us

[17:42] they’re not gonna believe us when we say oh but kids are the most important [17:46] thing and they’re the future of the church right so we’ve got to just be [17:49] more balanced in the way that we talk about our kids because I do see this as [17:53] a way the cultural attitude towards children is creeping into the church [17:57] because it’s the way we see kids talked about all around us the church needs to [18:01] be different if all people hear from us again is how hard it is and how much

[18:07] we’re missing out on they’re not gonna believe us when we try to tell them [18:10] about the great value of children so all that to say talk openly about the joy [18:15] of your kids make out in the community our church the champions for how great [18:22] kids are and how great parenting is and how great if you don’t have kids of your [18:26] own how great working with kids is as you serve at the church all right we [18:31] gotta move on it’s a daunting task I tell tell you preaching one sermon on

[18:36] scripture says so much about this topic but when you look at everything the [18:40] Bible says about raising kids one thing is really clear parents have a [18:44] responsibility to proactively lead their children towards following Jesus and so [18:49] my next point this morning is parenting is leadership and then you might think [18:53] when you originally see that parenting is leadership that doesn’t sound very [18:57] spiritual that sounds a little self-helpless past your night this idea

[19:02] actually distills several visit biblical concepts into one thought I [19:08] think scripture is very clear that parents are to guide their children in [19:12] the ways of the Lord parents are to direct their children to follow God [19:15] parents are to teach the Bible to their children children parents are to do all [19:20] of this by their leadership example and so in many many ways I think it really [19:25] helps to think about the role of parenting to realize that parenting is

[19:29] leadership especially in relation to how our culture sometimes use it our [19:33] culture has a hesitation to really lead children we think we need to be we think [19:39] we need to let kids be their own person I think we need to let kids figure out [19:43] who they want to be we say we don’t want to indoctrinate our kids [19:47] unfortunately pastoral II I’ve seen this play out with parents who are just way [19:51] too passive about actually guiding their children towards following Jesus and

[19:56] this is not the way that scripture talks about parenting when the Bible talks [20:00] about raising kids it talks about being intentional about leading them to know [20:05] God and to follow after him and this means we’ve got to be proactive in [20:09] leading children to that goal it’s not just gonna happen look how this plays [20:13] out in Deuteronomy 6 6 through 9 says this and these words that I command you [20:21] today shall not be on your heart you shall teach them diligently to your

[20:24] children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk [20:28] by the way and when you lie down and when you rise you shall bind them as a [20:32] sign on your hand and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes you shall [20:36] write them on the doorpost of your house and on your gates it always strikes me [20:42] about this passage is how intentional God says that we’re supposed to be with [20:46] leading our children so it’s a beautiful picture of following God being passed

[20:51] down from generation to generation but it doesn’t just happen in classrooms it [20:56] doesn’t just happen at specific times it happens as parents are teaching and [21:01] explaining and modeling for their kids what following Jesus looks like through [21:05] all of life so we’re not talking here about just teaching spiritual lessons [21:11] we’re talking about using all of life to teach children all of what God says [21:15] about the world and this is more than just implementing random rules for the

[21:20] It’s about explaining life as it’s lived it’s about teaching about following [21:24] Jesus and especially this is important about teaching kids why we do what we do [21:29] as we live life set apart for Christ one of the reasons that I want parents to [21:34] think of parenting as leadership is you need to embrace the authority God has [21:39] given you in your child’s life for their own good if you don’t embrace that [21:44] authority you’re not going to be able to do anything with the responsibility that

[21:48] God has given you so you’ve been given a good and right authority if you’re a [21:53] parent to lead your children towards knowing and following Jesus so be a [21:58] parent and lead your children that means protecting them and that means knowing [22:02] what’s best for them it doesn’t matter if your kids want to go to church or not [22:06] all right that’s what your family does it doesn’t matter if you have younger [22:10] kids if they don’t want to read or write they need to it doesn’t matter if your

[22:14] kid wants to turn sport into an idol and let it dominate your their life we don’t [22:18] do that as Christians it doesn’t matter if your older child wants to date an [22:22] unserved person they don’t do that as a Christian it doesn’t matter if they [22:26] won’t be cool if they don’t have an iPhone or social media it doesn’t matter [22:29] if every other parent is allowing something that you know that you [22:33] shouldn’t you got to be a parent that leads their child towards following

[22:37] Jesus watch out for this trap because I see this in churches like ours we’re so [22:47] proverbs and we don’t parent you’re not a legalist just for leading your kid [22:52] and protecting them now what I’m not saying is I’m not saying that in your [22:58] parental leadership you need to be harsh and rigid you don’t are your kids [23:03] gonna think you’re strict well of course they are if you’re doing it right I [23:06] haven’t met a kid yet who didn’t think their good parents were strict all right

[23:10] but here’s the question does that mean your kids are gonna rebel I’ve been [23:13] around long enough to know that that is the big fear of parents if I’m too [23:17] strict my kids will rebel well a lot of times what I have observed is that has [23:23] much more to do with harshness and rigidity then with strictness and with [23:29] rules is if you have a harsh home yes they might that’s been my observation [23:35] but also this has a lot to do with this concept we saw in Deuteronomy 6 of are

[23:41] you explaining life to your kids as you go through life with them or are you [23:46] just giving rules without any context are you just barking commands and [23:50] orders who are you as scripture tells you going through life explaining life [23:54] to your kids explaining why Christians are different that’s the difference in [23:59] that issue we’ve got to be parents who give our kids the why for the questions [24:04] that they’re wondering the point I’m trying to drive home here is you’re the

[24:09] parent it’s your responsibility to lead and so make decisions for your kids [24:14] based on the goal of sending them out as followers of Jesus and this also does [24:20] bring up the issue of what influences do you have in your life as a parent [24:24] because a trap that I see a lot of times in the church is parents listen to all [24:29] these different influences coming from culture and a lot of the advice that [24:34] they’re getting is coming from people that don’t care at all about following

[24:37] Jesus people that don’t care about all about serving and living for the local [24:41] church you do need help as a parent we’ll talk about that later you do need [24:46] encouragement you do need resources you do need people speaking into your lives [24:49] but make sure that the people that you’re looking to for advice on [24:54] parenting our people who follow Jesus who have discipleship of Jesus as one of [24:59] their main goals that’s the kind of person you need to look at outside of

[25:03] scripture that’s opinion that’s whose opinion you need to care about one thing [25:08] leadership that I don’t want us to miss and this is another aspect of it is we [25:12] need to make sure we’re leading our kids to salvation through knowing scripture [25:16] that’s a theme of scripture look at the second Timothy 3 14 through 15 it says [25:23] this but as for you continue and what you have learned and have firmly [25:26] believed knowing from who you learned it and how from childhood you have been

[25:30] acquainted with the sacred writings which are able to make you wise for [25:34] salvation through faith in Christ Jesus I love this picture of Timothy’s [25:38] household Timothy was a great disciple he did a lot for the Lord and he points [25:43] back and he and he knows the Apostle Paul is saying he knows that happened in [25:47] Timothy’s life because from childhood he was acquainted with the scriptures [25:51] here’s a question for your house’s parents is Jesus normalized in your home

[25:56] is Jesus normalized in your home what do I mean by that I mean do you talk about [26:01] the things of God naturally and often in a way that makes God just an obvious [26:08] part of your life do you talk about Jesus and the things of God in a way [26:13] that makes it seem obvious to your kids that life apart from him wouldn’t make [26:16] sense that’s normalizing Jesus and you need to do that in your home that’s part [26:21] of a quenching your kids with the scriptures are your kids in environments

[26:25] where they are becoming acquainted with the Bible and what faith in Jesus means [26:29] you need to make those environments and you need to put them in those [26:32] environments for time I’m not going to dwell here but but just to say the most [26:36] important way we can lead our children is that they would say from their [26:40] childhood they have been acquainted with the scriptures even with all that the [26:46] biggest way that your kids are actually going to know the Bible is if they know

[26:49] it’s important to you and that principle is true for every aspect of life and so [26:54] the last thing I want to see as we’re talking about principles for leading our [26:58] children as parents is I want us to see that what you model matters what you [27:06] think it’s important says therefore be imitators of God as beloved children so [27:13] we’ve got to learn to be imitators of God because for better or worse our kids [27:17] end up imitating us that’s just the way it works and that will either be for

[27:22] their good or bad depending on our own spiritual life you can’t lead your kids [27:26] to something you’re not it’s that simple all parents want more for their kids [27:30] than they have for themselves right that’s a natural thing you want more for [27:33] your kids than what you have or what you had but when it comes to following [27:37] Jesus and the spiritual disciplines your kids are going to believe what they see [27:41] you doing this is not something that can be subcontracted out so if you want to

[27:47] lead your children well and following Jesus the most important thing that you [27:49] can be is a committed follower of Jesus yourself I see parents sometimes do get [27:55] the idea that they need to put their kids and all the right programs and give [27:58] their kids all the right experiences and that’s the most important thing for them [28:02] and I can tell you it’s not the most important thing for a child to come to [28:06] faith in Christ is that they have parents who are modeling that so you

[28:10] prioritize your discipleship and your kids are going to be so glad that you [28:15] did it won’t help but translate to their discipleship if you prioritize your [28:19] discipleship and this is important too when I’m thinking about things we want [28:23] to model for the home through our parental leadership model a joyful home [28:27] for your kids we’re talking about rebellion earlier you know what really [28:31] causes kids to rebel is a home that has no joy in it one big trap is it’s

[28:36] possible to do all the right Christian things it’s possible to go to all the [28:40] right Christian things it’s possible to say all the right Christian things and [28:45] then not have a joyful home and nothing sets up a kid for one have nothing to do [28:49] with God more than a long list of things they should be doing and no joy in the [28:54] home so just commit to yourself that one thing you’re going to model is a joyful [28:58] That means lots of gratitude that means lots of thanksgiving and that means lots of fun so think about that as you’re thinking about how to be a leader to your kids.

[29:09] Finally this morning when it comes to children and parenting scripture does have a lot to say about discipline so I want to spend a little bit of time there and hopefully be helpful to some parents and future parents and I’m going to admit what we’re going to talk about in this last section it applies mostly to people who are right in the thick of it right now with little kids or maybe [29:28] you’ve got little kids coming in and you should really want to listen in right now but I’m going to try to be helpful for those of you who are in that situation you need to understand that scripture talks a lot about discipline and one thing scripture is clear on is if you love your children you will discipline them if you love your children you will discipline them this is stuff everyone needs to know but I think these biblical principles are especially going to help those of you who are right here right now look at Hebrews 12 6 says this for the Lord [29:58] disciplines the one he loves and chastises every son whom he receives so God says he disciplines us because he loves us and the proverbs are full of verses that say very similar things if you love your children you will discipline them but why is that the answer comes just a few verses later in Hebrews 12 Hebrews 12 11 [30:18] for the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it so nobody really likes to be disciplined it involves instruction it involves training and the part we really don’t like is discipline involves [30:35] correction but when God disciplines us it’s because he loves us too much to let us stay in our sin he knows that something better is for us and is possible if we will submit to him and so he disciplines us to get us there and it is the exact same with our children or at least it’s supposed to be we’ve got to understand early understand discipline to understand who our kids really are in terms of their sin nature in terms of their rebellion that God has given us as parents the responsibility to correct so our sin nature [31:05] is bent to challenge authority in our original rebellion all the way back to Adam was about challenging the authority of God we said did God really say what we can and can’t do and our kids pick right up on this did mom and dad really say what we can and can’t do one of the most important things that we can do as parents is teach our kids to obey rightful authority because not learning that lesson can lead to a lot of pain in life rightful authority what I mean by that is authority

[31:35] that is just and it’s established for our good so this starts with God God is our ultimate rightful authority but then that proceeds to parents that proceeds to the church that proceeds to employers that in proceeds to good government these are all rightful authorities that if we do not submit to have a lot of problems in life rebelling against these things sets our kids up for a lot of hurt and pain down the road so we got to understand our kids come to us as little [32:04] sinners who will destroy themselves if they’re left to their own devices any parent who’s got kids knows that that is true that’s how we all start out we’ve got to understand the stakes are that high if we’re going to have the right attitude towards discipline our kids left to themselves will allow their sin to destroy them I’m not saying you don’t have pretty great kids I’ve got pretty great kids but this is a question of do we really believe in original sin do we really believe in a sin nature if you do you know [32:34] your kids have the capacity in them to really hurt themselves with their sin and children who are not disciplined when they’re young end up hurting themselves and others when they get older so you got to have that mindset parents if you got little kids in your mind when you’re thinking about discipline your kids were given to you as their parent to teach them to respond to authority under the safety of your home so they won’t have to learn that lesson later outside the safety of your home that’s why discipline is love that’s why discipline is so [33:04] critical you got to do it now to protect them we don’t when we don’t teach our kids through discipline we set them up to fail when the states get much bigger so we’re trying to spare them from that pain and I think understanding that will help you understand what we’re about to talk about when we talk about different principles for discipline so that’s why we discipline but let’s look at a proverb where we get some key principles for discipline I love this proverb powers twenty three twelve through six all kinds of different things wrapped up here [33:35] says apply your heart to instruction in your ear to words of knowledge do not withhold discipline from a child if you strike him with the rod he will not die if you strike him with the rod you will save his soul from shield my son if your heart is wise my heart to will be glad my in most being will exalt when your lips speak what is right on see three principles from this passage I think really quickly could help you with discipline the first is discipline is not just punishment [34:05] notice how the writer first talks about instruction and knowledge and this is important because discipline has correction in view while punishment has just justice and retribution in view and perhaps if you are struggling with discipline for your younger kids perhaps you’ve not thought through properly about discipline and what it actually is that you’re doing as a parent you’re not supposed to be thinking of yourself as some judge who has been appointed to properly dish out the punishment under your domain in the house

[34:34] your kids are gods and they’ve been given to you to direct towards following him so discipline is correction and training and that may overlap with what certainly feels like punishment but that mindset makes all the difference in you the parent the difference between [34:51] punishment and discipline also controls your demeanor when you’re administering punishment that can lead to anger but if your goal is correction and teaching you’re going to be firm but calm you’re not going to lose control that doesn’t mean being softer week there’s a seriousness to correction second principle that I want us to see is that discipline involves both communication and consequences we often only think about the consequent part of discipline and we’re going to get to that too but did you know that in the Bible communication is one of the [35:21] major forms of discipline just look at the verse here in this proverb to apply your heart to instruction in your ear to words of knowledge and then the correction happens but then again at the end the child is speaking back so there’s more communication happening I think this is a principle a lot of parents with younger kids and kids are getting older really need to hear you need to be able to talk to your kids need to be able to talk to them community and you need to view that as your your discipline you’re having [35:51] good conversations with them teaching them about life communication as a discipline takes time and intentionality and I know that that’s why that it ends up not happening so often we blow it off because we’re busy because we don’t have time you need to view it as part of your responsibility communication is understanding how your children are thinking so that you can answer the questions that they have but they’re not asking so yes kids do need to understand the rules right and wrong but we also need to be able to give them wisdom and encouragement [36:21] and understanding of the rules they need to obey first but then it is good and right to teach them why we’re doing what we’re doing discipline is teaching children how the world works you ever think about it in that way like do you have a vision for teaching your kid how the world works as a Christian they need to know that from a Christian worldview teaching what matters in life teaching kids about consequences for actions teaching basic principles of living the proverbs is full of this kind of thing and that is all considered [36:51] discipline but for communication to be effective it does have to be paired with corrective discipline also that’s clear as day in the proverbs you’ve got to correct your children with consequences that they’re not going to like in the moment but it’s to get their attention and to make sure that they know how serious sin and rebellion is and so that brings us to our third and last point on discipline here and that is that discipline requires consistency I don’t have time to talk about all the different kinds of corrective discipline and

[37:21] consequences that you can use that’s more of something for a parenting class which we’ll try to do from time to time but I think what I can do right here in just a quick moment that will be most helpful is talk about an overarching principle that you absolutely got to not miss or it’s going to derail any kind of discipline that you try you’ve got to be relentlessly consistent in your discipline and as I’m counseling parents talking about parenting what I see that trips up so many parents on the discipline issue [37:51] is a lack of consistency and here’s what happens you agree with these verses that discipline is needed you agree that it’s loving it’s something that you want to do but then you set out to discipline and then you do it haphazardly you discipline sometimes for this and you discipline sometimes for that and becomes sporadic depending on your mood depending on whether you feel like getting up off the couch to discipline how do you think you would like it if you were a kid and you didn’t know what you’re going to get in trouble for one day to the next inconsistent discipline is crippling to a child [38:21] rather than teaching them to submit to authority it actually teaches them that the world is random and unpredictable it actually causes them to act out more and so with inconsistent discipline you end up in a discouraging cycle where your kids act out more and so you feel like you need to discipline them more but then you’re not able to be consistent with it and so then they act out more and it’s a cycle that causes a lot of stress and families you need to commit yourself to discipline and consistently doing this early on build security and usually will mean [38:51] less serious discipline later on so parents I know this is hard but what I really want to challenge you to do is rise to your calling and be and that’s why I’m using this word relentlessly consistent with your discipline commit that you’re going to start being consistent and you’re going to follow through that means deciding what you’re going to discipline for and doing it every single time without fail so here’s a little tip that I think maybe could help you with that one of the reasons that I see a lot of people struggling with discipline consistency it’s overwhelming is maybe they have [39:21] too many rules and too many opportunities for kids to disobey in the house learn to recognize what is just immaturity and childness childishness and learn that that’s an opportunity for instruction and training and save consequences and discipline for major heart issues that must be immediately addressed talk about it with your spouse but consider disciplining primarily for direct disobedience for lying and for disrespect direct disobedience lying and disrespect [39:51] disrespect if you are in a place where you got little kids right now if you will consistently discipline with consequences for those three things and when I say consistently I mean never missing an opportunity I mean not ever letting things slide if you will commit as a parent with your authority to do that consistently you’re going to see a lot of results really quickly might take might be a rough week or two but you’re going to quickly see some results with being consistent there the best time start being consistent very first time your child’s

[40:20] starts to show direct disobedience but if that boat has already sailed the next best time is to start today so I hope that’s something that you’ll consider we’ve covered so much ground this morning there’s so much more I could have talked about I want to just end on with a few

[40:54] I know that it’s a big task my goal in talking about some of these specific principles this morning was just to almost let you know there’s help here for you there is people you can talk to there is resources you can have to learn to parent better because a 40 minute sermon is not going to give you what you need to parent your kids well but what I hope that you will do is realize that you need to get help that you need to ask for the help of the church that you need to pursue relationships and community groups and you need to be able to do that [41:20] and you need to be able to do that with the church community groups pursue older wiser people that you see following Jesus ask them for help with parenting they would love to do that especially mean this come to the pastors if it’s something you really want to know about we are here to help you with what is one of the most important things you’ll ever do in your life so don’t just what I see happen sometimes is assume this is the best it can be there’s nothing else you can do and you’re just going to power through it ask for help if you need help parenting [41:47] second for all of us in every stage of life with and without kids we’ve got to be people who value children the world needs to see the church valuing children the way that God does and this applies to all of us let’s let the world see there’s something different about the way the church views kids and how we prioritize them and how we talk about them and how we say that they are valuable we need to talk about kids in a way that lets the world know we think children are [42:16] great and so I hope that you will just be encouraged by hearing how scripture talks about kids to to change the way that you do that let’s part of our witness let’s let that be that we are people who value children in a world is forgetting how to do that right now we’re going to move into a time of communion this something we do every week here at village churches we always take ourselves back to the gospel and so I know in a message like today there’s a lot of very practical things and a lot of that’s a principle I need to think about but [42:45] every single Sunday we want to always remember the reason that we are able to follow Christ is because of what Jesus first did for us his work on the cross his death his resurrection making way for us to be reconciled the guy we reflect on that the end of every service when we come and we take communion so there’s [43:04] tables at the front there’s tables at the back the bread represents Christ body broken for you the cup represents Christ blood shed for you and so if you are a believer in Jesus you’ve got an opportunity here in just a moment to come and proclaim that your hope is in him because ultimately we can talk about parenting and we should because scripture says so much about kids and it says so much about how we’re supposed to take that seriously with a lot of wisdom but our hope is not in our kids our hope is in Jesus

[43:34] alone and so I’m so grateful for a church where every week we can come and reflect on that in communion when you’re ready go ahead and come and take communion