How To Be A Wife.

Steve Gentry

[0:00] All right, go ahead and have a seat. Welcome to Village Church. [0:04] If this is your first time here, my name’s Steve. [0:06] I’m one of the pastors here at Village Church. [0:08] And as always, I’m thankful and grateful to see each and every one of you this morning. [0:13] If you have your Bibles, I’m going to ask you to open to two places. [0:16] First, open to Genesis, Chapter two,

[0:19] and then maybe hold your finger there and open to Ephesians, Chapter five as well. [0:24] We’ll be in both of those places this morning, starting first in the book of Genesis. [0:29] And over the past few weeks, we’ve been going through a series called Family. [0:34] Your mission starts here and we’ve been unpacking what loving your family looks like, [0:39] that you must primarily love God. [0:41] If you ever have any hope to love your family, you must actually love God more than you love your family.

[0:47] And then the love of God will pour into you and then out into them. [0:50] And that is the primary call of God on our lives, is to love Him, to obey Him, to follow Him. [0:57] And then in doing that, we will then learn how God loves. [1:02] And by learning how God loves, we will learn how to love others. [1:06] The second great commandment that Jesus gave was to love your neighbor as yourself. [1:11] And our first fulfillment in obeying that command is going to be in our home,

[1:16] because those are the people that we’re going to spend the most time with. [1:19] Those are the people we’re going to be the most personal with. [1:21] Those are the people that for better or worse, will have the most impact on our lives [1:27] and will have the most impact on how we love.

[1:32] And so last week, we began to look at the different specific parts of the family. [1:37] We started with the husband last week, and that was fairly easy, as I am a man and I am a husband, I’m a father. [1:45] And so I’ve got some experience. [1:48] I don’t know what I was thinking with this week. [1:52] I have no experience in being a woman or a wife or a mother. [1:59] But thankfully, we have a God who has sent us His message, His word,

[2:06] and has commanded us perfectly as to how we are to fulfill all of the different roles [2:11] and all of the different callings that God has given to each and every one of us. [2:16] And so today, I want to talk about how to be a wife. [2:19] I do have bodyguards placed throughout the crowd. [2:24] So if at any time you get that angry, look out, it’s a bad idea. [2:29] They’ll get you.

[2:32] But when we begin to talk about things like male headship and how to be a wife and things of that nature, [2:39] it’s very important for us to understand that we’re not talking about something that should ever be based on my opinion [2:48] or should ever be based on my personal experience. [2:53] If you look at the way that the world works, we understand a few things. [2:57] And that is that our opinions and our experiences oftentimes contradict one another. [3:03] That my experience is not necessarily going to be your experience,

[3:07] and most likely it won’t be like your experience. [3:10] So when we base things on our experience or we base things on just kind of our intuitive opinion [3:17] or what is instinctive about us, we really don’t have any hope of landing anywhere.

[3:25] But God, as being a person and as being a specific person and as being a person who has commanded life to even exist, [3:35] for us to wade through our experiences and our opinions and find out, are they valid or are they wrong? [3:44] It is very important for us to base them on something that isn’t subjective. [3:49] It’s very important for us to base it on something that isn’t necessarily going to change from person to person. [3:57] But rather, it’s important for us to base it on something that is objective, something that is unchanging, [4:02] something that is the definition of love, something that will have all of history and all of eternity giving validity to it.

[4:11] And when we say that we believe in God or that we trust in God, [4:18] what we are then necessarily saying is that I trust what comes from Him. [4:24] And so when we make a statement such as that, we can’t limit it to only the things that we think will be beneficial to us. [4:32] Because when we come to Jesus, when we see all that Jesus has done for us on the cross, [4:37] when we see all that He’s done for us in saving us from the life of sin, we see a lot of great benefits. [4:42] I mean, you don’t go to hell, you go to heaven. That sounds fantastic. And it is. It’s an amazing gift.

[4:48] We see a relationship with God. We see a connectedness with the one from whom life flows from. [4:55] But then something interesting happens to most of us. [5:00] Then in our relationship with God, as we learn about God, we begin to see, wait a second, [5:08] there are some things that God says that don’t necessarily gel with the direction that culture is going. [5:16] There are some things that God says that if you even go beyond the ebbs and flows of culture, [5:23] they don’t necessarily fit with what I think.

[5:28] There are some things that God says. It’s not just that they’re different than what I think. [5:34] They’re different than what I’m doing. And then there are some things that God says. [5:38] And then right after it, He says, change.

[5:44] If you’re going to boil growing in your relationship with God down to one word, [5:49] I could very easily make that word change because God commands it. [5:57] Think about it this way. When you come into a relationship with God, brand new, [6:02] when you come to faith in Jesus Christ, brand new, you’re going to learn things that you didn’t previously know. [6:11] You’re going to see some things that you didn’t previously see. [6:16] And so if there is never any change, or if at any point in your life the changes cease,

[6:27] then wouldn’t you have to necessarily then say your relationship has ceased to grow?

[6:35] See, and you can apply that to really anything, your relationship with your spouse, [6:38] your relationship with your children, your relationship with your friends and coworkers. [6:42] And as you get to know someone, everything changes. [6:48] The way that you relate to them changes. The way that you work with them changes. [6:51] The way that you’re romantic with your spouse will change over time. [6:56] Because growth does take time, but growth always takes change.

[7:02] Biology teaches us that. [7:05] And so when we begin to wade into what I truly believe will be counter-cultural [7:11] to a lot of the things that we’ve learned about what it is to be a husband and wife, [7:16] what it is to be a mother, or next week, what it is to be a child, or what it is even to raise a child, [7:23] then we must be prepared to say and accept that maybe some changes are needed. [7:32] Otherwise, we’re putting ourselves in the seat of the one who never needs to change.

[7:37] Because he’s perfect, and that’s God.

[7:43] You need to change in many different areas. [7:49] And so rather than immediately being offended, if I say something that may offend you,

[7:56] then maybe we should wait for a moment. Maybe we should wait for a day. [7:59] Maybe we should inspect God’s words and say, has God really said that? [8:07] Because that question, even though it’s from the Garden of Eden, wasn’t a sinful question.

[8:14] The sinless response would have been, yes, he has said that. [8:20] And we would have avoided a lot of the problems we even have now. [8:24] But in light of God’s word, we must always be prepared to take inventory of our lives. [8:33] And no matter how hard the changes, if God is right and I am wrong, then the change will be worth it. [8:40] I want to begin just with a simple statement this morning. [8:43] And that statement is that the wife’s calling is from God.

[8:49] The wife’s calling is from God. [8:52] Look in the book of Genesis, chapter 2, as we begin.

[8:59] Then the Lord God said, okay, so let’s stop right there, because it’s a pretty important statement. [9:04] You really shouldn’t pass that without kind of taking a reflection and saying, [9:07] anything that he says after this is going to be pretty important because the Lord God is saying it. [9:12] And any time you see Lord all caps, then God after it, what it is, [9:17] is someone making a statement that this is not only the God of the universe, [9:22] but this is the God God, because it’s basically the same word twice.

[9:27] But any time it’s spoken twice in the original language, what you’re seeing is an emphatic statement [9:33] that you need to pay attention to this because all of history is going to bank on this. [9:39] It says,

[10:09] There was not found a helper fit for him. [10:12] So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon man, [10:17] and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. [10:21] And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into a woman and brought her to the man. [10:26] Then the man said, [10:27] This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.

[10:32] She shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man. [10:37] Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, [10:43] and they shall become one flesh. [10:46] And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. [10:51] And so we see right here in the book of Genesis in the original created order [10:55] that God is making moves and God is speaking into existence

[11:00] and God is actually speaking something into our lives by the way in which he’s ordering creation.

[11:09] So he looks to Adam and he says, [11:10] Adam, it’s not good for you to be alone. [11:15] And so in this moment, what we see God doing in Adam’s life is making a statement that he’s never made before [11:21] because if you look through the creation narrative, when God speaks, something exists. [11:26] And then he steps back and he says, it’s good. [11:30] Not so with Adam.

[11:32] He makes Adam and he looks back and that’s the first time he utters the words, not good. [11:38] Why is he not good? Because he’s alone. I know. [11:42] Many women have said the same thing over the years. [11:46] A man alone is helpless.

[11:49] But what we see in this creation narrative is God saying something about the way in which he creates man. [11:55] Why did man exist in the way that he did? [11:57] Well, he needed to give God’s image to the rest of the world, to the rest of creation. [12:03] It’s the first time that the Trinity comes together in creation and says, let us make man in our image. [12:09] Note the plural there.

[12:14] But note also the burden in the creation of woman.

[12:21] I didn’t say creating woman was a burden. [12:24] I said, note that the burden is on Adam, though. [12:28] So what does he say? He brings all the animals and Adam names all of the animals. [12:32] It was probably a long day.

[12:35] And through all of it, not a helper fit for him was found. [12:41] And so then God makes a deep sleepfall on Adam, takes a rib out of Adam, makes Eve. [12:47] And then very fittingly, Adam names her woman for out of man she was created. [12:53] But note where the burden for this action landed directly in Adam’s lap. [13:01] And so before I go any further, I want us to understand that everything we talk about today [13:06] is going to be from the catalyst of last week.

[13:11] That when we talk about male headship and submission, [13:16] we’re talking about a grave responsibility that lands directly on the shoulders of every man in this room.

[13:25] And that is, when we see a problem where headship and submission is, [13:31] men, you can never point the finger at your wife.

[13:37] The words woman submit should never come out of your mouth unless you’re seriously joking. [13:41] And even then, really feel the temperature of the room.

[13:48] Make sure you’re understood that it’s a joke.

[13:53] But really, you must look in the mirror and say, [13:58] if there’s a problem here, where’s the problem in my leadership?

[14:03] Where am I not sacrificing? [14:06] Where am I not serving? [14:07] Because what we learned last week is that the calling of the man, [14:12] the calling of the husband to lead his family, [14:14] is directly related to the calling that Jesus felt on his life. [14:19] And that’s the calling to serve.

[14:22] That’s the calling to make great sacrifices. [14:25] That is the calling to lay your very life down for the one whom you love.

[14:32] And when you have cultivated that type of atmosphere in your family, [14:39] it is not difficult to have someone follow you. [14:45] Because you’ve inspired them with your very life. [14:48] So I want to write a really good preface for this week.

[14:55] For every man to understand in this room that if in any moment you hear misogyny, [15:00] if at any moment you hear chauvinism, understand that you are not hearing me well.

[15:08] Because what I want to talk about this week is the way in which God has ordered us. [15:11] And what I want to talk about is the loving sacrifice of Jesus Christ for our lives. [15:15] And the calling on the husbands out there is to live that sacrifice. [15:18] The calling on husbands out there is to serve his family well. [15:21] The calling on the husband out there is to inspire his family to follow. [15:27] And you cannot do that like a drill sergeant.

[15:31] It will never work. [15:34] Because you’ve never met anyone in boot camp that likes the drill sergeant.

[15:40] What we’re to find in our families are people who look to male headship [15:45] and see real servanthood, sacrifice, love, care, time, tenderness, [15:53] with just the right amount of firmness.

[15:57] And the only place you’re ever going to find that perfected is in the person and work of Jesus Christ.

[16:03] But Genesis 2 does give us a picture of the way that God meant for things to be. [16:11] You know what’s interesting is that in our culture we see a radical move away from the ideal that God created things for. [16:20] And that’s the purpose for which Jesus had to come. [16:23] But what we look at when we see Adam and Eve in the garden is we see a masterpiece of creation. [16:32] Eve is made for Adam as a helper fit for him. [16:37] And what you see in the relationship of Adam and Eve when that statement of leave and cleave,

[16:43] he’s making a statement for the future because they were the original parents. [16:47] They had no mom and dad to look at. [16:49] So they’re getting their life directly from God and they’re coming together. [16:52] And what you see in this relationship with Adam as head and Eve as the helper fit for him. [16:58] As he brings them together, as he holds them fast together, [17:01] as he puts their lives so close that you cannot see where one ends and the other begins.

[17:06] You see the masterpiece of creation. [17:10] You see humanity perfected. [17:12] You see life as God intentioned it to be. [17:16] And the only problem that ever came was the problem when Satan came to Adam and Eve [17:22] and he made them question the way that God made them. [17:27] See in all the things that we see in the fall of man from the pride of life to the disobedient touch of temptation,

[17:33] what we really see in the question, as God really said in the statement, [17:40] you will be like God if you eat of that. [17:44] What Satan was doing is he was looking at them and he was saying, [17:46] God didn’t create a masterpiece. You can be better.

[17:51] What you have isn’t good enough.

[17:57] And over the years, as I have counseled, as I have seen families, [18:02] as I have worked with husbands and wives, the great temptation that many wives fall into [18:08] is that very temptation of saying there’s more out there than my family.

[18:15] There’s something better than this.

[18:20] Erwin McManus has stated in his latest work that when Satan makes the statement, [18:28] you will be like God, he was tempting them with something that they really already had.

[18:38] God made Adam and Eve, didn’t he say? Let us make man in our image.

[18:46] So Satan tempts them to believe that God hadn’t given them something that he had already given them. [18:53] Even though God had already declared that both man and woman were in his image, [18:58] they struggled and rebelled against it, trying to find something that they already had. [19:04] Ladies and gentlemen, the things that you’re looking for in your life,

[19:10] you won’t find them in rebelling against God. [19:14] Most often times you won’t find it in something that’s not already in your life. [19:20] Oftentimes, your pursuit of more is nothing but a declaration that God has not perfected life, [19:28] that there’s something more that God hasn’t yet given me. [19:30] When the gospel itself stands to testify that you have all that you need from God if you’ll just trust him.

[19:43] And in our culture, we flee from God’s design when his design is what we really need. [19:52] Calling of God is good.

[19:55] Do you know that women struggle to find satisfaction more than men? [20:00] I have a stat to prove that. [20:02] Time magazine released a study this past week that showed that women seek satisfaction and purpose [20:08] at a higher rate than men, yet it seems more elusive and harder for them as well. [20:16] I believe that a large issue is found within this, is that we’re still believing that lie that Satan called us. [20:23] And so one thing that you need to believe this morning, one thing that each and every wife and mother,

[20:28] I want to speak specifically to that first, that you need to believe is that the calling of God on your life is a good calling. [20:33] And your satisfaction will begin when you begin to believe that, when you cease to rebel against that.

[20:43] With biblical womanhood, we need to start with what we know God has called you towards and work out from there. [20:50] I want to deal specifically within the family. [20:53] And I want to really stay close to God’s word on this. [20:57] Secondly, this morning, the wife is called to submit to the leadership of her husband. [21:04] The wife is called to submit to the leadership of her husband. [21:06] Don’t tune me out yet.

[21:09] Keep tracking. [21:10] All right, keep tracking.

[21:13] Submission is not just cultural. [21:17] Look at Ephesians chapter five, verse twenty two. [21:20] It’s where we were last week. [21:22] In Ephesians five, twenty two, he very simply starts to what we talked about last week. [21:27] And he says, wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. [21:32] Now, there’s a trend even in Bible study right now from from a few authors to say that what we see here is a cultural thing that Paul was using just in Roman culture.

[21:43] And it doesn’t apply to all cultures, certainly not the progressive culture that we have today. [21:47] And we talked last week about how that isn’t true because the examples that Paul uses about this have nothing to do with Roman culture and has everything to do with the gospel of Jesus. [21:58] He doesn’t equate marriage to something in the Roman culture. [22:00] He equates marriage to Jesus, and Jesus is unchanging.

[22:06] So it is needed for us to go and look before sin. [22:11] To make a statement, because then there’s the temptation to say, well, this is in light of sin. [22:16] Male headship is something that was created after sin fell onto the earth. [22:20] No, it’s not. We just saw that in Genesis, Chapter two. [22:23] Then in First Corinthians, Chapter 11, Paul makes this statement likening back to the original created order to tell us that he wants us to go back there in the gospel. [22:32] Says in First Corinthians, 11, verse eight, he says, for man was not made from woman, but woman from man.

[22:38] Neither was man created for a woman, but woman for man. [22:41] The work of Jesus seeks to redeem us and then restore our vision for the life back to where God originally intended. [22:50] And so when we get to a statement such as this, what we do oftentimes, because it’s misunderstood, as we begin to think about this society that’s dominated by men and that we’re keeping women down. [23:01] That is not at all what God envisioned. [23:03] And I’ll tell you, the only way in which that type of culture is formed is apart from faith in Jesus. [23:12] Any culture that would do something like that is a sinful culture and must be wholly rejected.

[23:17] Even if it’s a religious culture. [23:21] That is not the way in which God intended it. [23:24] God made it this way, specifically so the image of God could be seen by all people throughout the world. [23:32] And so what we see in this text is God bringing us into the way in which his relationship within himself works. [23:40] What do I mean by that? [23:42] Did you know that within the Godhead, God, the father, God, the son, God, the Holy Spirit, there is submission.

[23:50] In John, Chapter five, Jesus Christ makes this statement. [23:53] So then Jesus said to them, truly, truly, I say to you, the son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the father doing. [24:02] For whatever the father does, that the son does likewise. [24:07] So does that mean that God the Father is holding Jesus the Son back? [24:11] Holding him down from who he really could be? [24:14] No, not at all.

[24:16] Within the Trinity, they’re co-equal. [24:19] Within the Trinity, they’re vitally important with each other. [24:23] But what we see in the work of the gospel is Jesus comes to the world and he says, I willfully submit to the plan of the father. [24:32] I do nothing apart from his will and what he has declared. [24:37] Then in the Garden of Eden, he gives, excuse me, in the Garden of Gethsemane, he gives the greatest testament to what this type of submission looks like when he says to the father, not my will, but yours be done. [24:48] There is a willful submission in which Jesus says in John chapter 17 will actually give him more glory and more prominence than if he did not submit to it, because it is the way that it was intentioned for him to be.

[25:05] He finds his purpose in willfully submitting to the Father. [25:11] Then in John 14 through 16, we see Jesus make the statement that the Holy Spirit submits to him. [25:20] And in this, we have this glorious dance inside of the Trinity where they are co-equal, yet they are submissive to the will and work of one another. [25:30] The Father commands, the Son submits, the Son sends the Spirit and the Spirit submits. [25:37] But what happens within the Trinity when all of that’s working flawlessly as God is perfect? [25:42] You have unity because then the Spirit leads people to the Son.

[25:46] The Son leads people to the Father and the Father says, Look at the glory of my Son and the Spirit and the Son says, Look at the amazing work of the Spirit.

[25:57] You have submission within the Trinity, and that is what the marriage relationship is to look like. [26:04] The work of the Trinity. [26:05] So when he says, Wives, submit to your own husbands, our culture has preconditioned us to see some weakness, to see something that’s less than good. [26:17] Well, if we believe that, then we believe that Jesus himself is less than good in the way that he worked, and he is not. [26:26] Jesus is glorious.

[26:30] The most glory that the Father has ever gotten is the obedience to Jesus and willful submission. [26:38] Godly husbands lead like Jesus.

[26:42] Why does the author of Ephesians start with the wife?

[26:47] Commentators often say that the reason that he starts with the wife and he doesn’t first say, husbands lead your wives, and then wives submit, [26:56] is because for anyone to have any real leadership, there must be someone following them or they’re just taking a walk.

[27:07] And so for the husband to have any leadership, there must first be a wife who’s following that husband. [27:14] But note that he doesn’t say husbands take submission from your wife.

[27:22] He says, wives, give submission.

[27:28] You see, no one is to take your submission.

[27:34] Actually, I would say your husband can’t take it, because it’s something that you have to do of your own volition. [27:42] It’s a calling of God on your life. [27:45] And so if your submission can’t be taken, what is it? [27:50] Well, it’s given. [27:53] It’s yours.

[27:55] This is not about someone else having control over you. [28:01] This is about you with self-control, obeying God and the way that He designed for all to live, [28:08] and it necessitates a godly husband being worthy of submission. [28:15] But what do you do in light of an ungodly husband? [28:19] Because there is tension there. [28:20] What if your husband isn’t godly?

[28:22] What if he isn’t following Jesus? [28:25] The truth of that is that this does not, though, change the calling of God on your life. [28:31] It will complicate it. [28:34] It will make it less comfortable. [28:37] It will make it less easy. [28:42] In 1 Peter chapter 3, starting in verse 1.

[28:47] Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, [28:53] they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. [29:02] 1 Peter 3 presents that it still, though, does not undo the role that God has called us to. [29:08] Instead, it gives the wife an opportunity to live out the gospel, even in submission to that husband. [29:15] In all areas that do not compromise Jesus or your safety, He is still the leader. [29:24] The point of the text is that you will win no one to Jesus by subverting the design of God.

[29:33] You will win people to Jesus by finding glory in the design of God.

[29:38] This text gives great hope, though, within a difficult role. [29:44] Because where’s the hope? [29:45] The hope that Peter’s holding out is the hope that that husband will come to faith in Jesus Christ [29:51] through you finding joy in Christ, and then you finding joy in God’s design for your life. [30:00] Thirdly, this morning, the wife is to nurture her family.

[30:09] You know joy is found in believing God?

[30:14] That’s where real joy is found. [30:18] It’s about belief. [30:19] You’re not going to find joy just in simple action. [30:23] It will never work. [30:26] You won’t work your way into joy just like you don’t work your way into heaven.

[30:34] You find joy in believing that God is always right. [30:38] This is true in every area. [30:40] If Jesus rose from the dead, then He is God. [30:43] Jesus then has the authority to command life, and He revealed His authority [30:48] through expressing commitment to the life shown in the Bible. [30:53] We must have that type of faith.

[30:56] But here’s the key. [30:58] The Bible does not say the woman’s place is in the home. [31:04] Certainly doesn’t go past that to say it’s in the kitchen.

[31:09] It expresses that a wife and mother’s priority must be in the home. [31:17] But how do we get there? [31:18] First, the submission from the wife to the husband is given by the wife. [31:23] It is a posture you must choose as you choose to follow Christ. [31:28] In Ephesians 5, verse 21, which precedes verse 22, when He says, [31:33] submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

[31:37] So why do you give over into this? [31:39] Because of Jesus. [31:41] That’s the example used. [31:43] Then in Colossians 3, verse 18, wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. [31:50] See, every example in the New Testament that we would shirk off [31:54] in order to get to a place of male headship in the family,

[31:57] we must then shirk off the calling that always precedes it or the calling that always follows it. [32:04] And that is that what you’re doing in that relationship is in reverence to Jesus Christ. [32:09] And I don’t think any of us want to do that. [32:11] Any, what would be called in seminary language, hermeneutical aspect of studying the Bible [32:18] that would declare anything outside of this is something that does have to compromise the gospel [32:24] and compromise the authority of God’s Word.

[32:26] I want to be clear on that this morning.

[32:29] This is not something that’s really up for debate. [32:33] This is something that is true if we fall under the authority of Jesus [32:38] and fall under the authority of the Scriptures. [32:40] Anything else explains away the calling of God on our lives. [32:45] It then follows into the lifestyle set out by the Bible as to the beauty and privilege [32:49] that God has given the woman in the family.

[32:54] It doesn’t help us just to recapture a vision.

[33:00] What helps is a belief that God’s design even for our function is good and joyous.

[33:10] Family is good. [33:14] You know that in our society that we must believe that statement

[33:20] becomes increasingly difficult in our culture to believe such a thing.

[33:26] Your family is not a hindrance. [33:29] Your family is good. [33:32] Here’s another statement.

[33:34] Motherhood is glorious.

[33:39] Motherhood is glorious. [33:42] Look in Titus, Chapter 2, starting in verse 4. [33:48] Paul is writing to a young pastor named Titus [33:51] and he’s directing them how to function with discipleship within the church. [33:54] He says, So train the young women to love their husbands and children, [33:59] to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind,

[34:05] and submissive to their own husbands that the Word of God may not be reviled. [34:10] Note the end of that. [34:13] See, it would be cultural. [34:14] We could say, oh, this is just a cultural statement, [34:16] if not for the end of the verse.

[34:20] He doesn’t say so that you’ll fit in in Crete. [34:24] He doesn’t say so that the way things go in Ephesus, it’ll be all right. [34:30] No, he says, so that the Word of God won’t be reviled.

[34:41] Family is good. [34:44] Motherhood is glorious. [34:47] Titus, Chapter 2, he makes a statement about working at home [34:50] that follows directly from the type of submission that he calls to [34:55] in Colossians in the Book of Ephesians in light of Genesis, Chapter 2. [35:00] Husbands and children are to be loved and given priority.

[35:04] Home is more than a house. [35:09] It is a family lifestyle, [35:12] and God presents the ethic and culture in which they are elevated [35:17] as callings to cherish.

[35:22] 1 Timothy 2, 15 is a text that presents childbearing as a calling [35:28] and not just something we flippantly opt out of or into. [35:32] What does that mean? Look at the text. [35:36] It’s a tough text. [35:37] It says, yet she will be saved through childbearing [35:42] if they continue in faith and love and holiness with self-control.

[35:48] Don’t worry. [35:49] Your salvation is not contingent on you having a baby.

[35:54] Here’s what the text is saying. [35:56] You have to compare scripture with scripture. [35:57] Salvation is directly from the Gospel of Jesus. [36:02] It’s grace through faith, [36:03] but what he’s doing when he says, if you continue in faith, [36:08] he’s talking about the ideal that God gives us in the design of men and women

[36:14] that through Jesus, salvation comes. [36:17] Well, how did Jesus come? [36:19] Well, here’s what I believe. [36:21] He came through the birth canal like we did.

[36:25] And he’s making a statement on the way first, [36:28] salvation came into this world. [36:31] Jesus was born to a woman. [36:32] Well, if you trace that back, well, what if all women before Jesus [36:35] had rebelled against womanhood and decided not to have any children? [36:39] Well, then Jesus would have had a tough time being born.

[36:43] Don’t worry. I know the miracle part still holds intact. [36:47] But the reality of what he’s talking about here is, [36:49] is that in light of the Gospel, we are to find joy in God’s original design [36:54] for our lives, and when we begin to take away the particularities [36:59] of what it means to be woman and what it means to be man, [37:01] we compromise the very ideals that God set out from the moment of creation

[37:06] for us to have. [37:07] And what he’s doing here is he’s elevating the glory of birth. [37:11] He’s elevating the glory of womanhood. [37:14] He’s elevating the glory of what it means to raise children. [37:18] He’s elevating the glory of what it means to be a mother. [37:23] And he’s saying, do not say what God has made good is not good.

[37:29] Do not say what God has made good is holding you back. [37:33] It’s glorious.

[37:36] In Genesis 320, Adam looks to his wife. [37:40] It says, the man called his wife’s name Eve, [37:44] because she was the mother of all the living.

[37:52] Even in light of the fall, God looks to Adam and Eve and he says, it’s a glory.

[38:02] He did not say that childbirth was a curse. [38:07] He said the pain in childbirth was a curse.

[38:12] But childbirth was designed before the fall.

[38:16] And it is good.

[38:19] Husbands are to bless, excuse me, are to be blessed through their wives. [38:25] Proverbs 31 has a poem in it that expresses the glory of womanhood [38:28] by explaining the greatness in finding an excellent wife. [38:32] It does place her as finding priority and caring for and raising the family for God. [38:39] I just want to read through the poetry here.

[39:02] The woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. [39:05] Give her the fruit of her hands and let her works praise her in the gates. [39:10] We must consider where God would place our values within marriage and family.

[39:15] When a husband looks to his wife, this is what he praises her for under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

[39:24] Fourthly, this morning, the wife is to help her husband guide the mission of the family.

[39:32] I want to just make a few practical statements as we finish.

[39:40] Because one of the burdens that I know women feel is when their husbands don’t seem to follow God.

[39:49] And it is necessary for you to help him.

[39:56] That’s why Genesis 2 said he needs a helper. [40:00] He needs help. Trust me, I need lots of help. [40:04] That’s why I’m so thankful for my wife.

[40:09] But if you want your husband to follow Jesus, respect him. [40:15] Respect him. [40:17] This is all ultimately an issue of respect. [40:20] We all want to be respected, but the only way for true respect to happen is under God’s design for us. [40:25] The volatility that many of us experience is because of issues of respect. [40:30] We feel disrespected as husbands and or wives, so we respond with disrespect.

[40:37] Someone needs to break that cycle. [40:39] Husbands, the burden is on you, but wives, if he will not, the calling of God on you doesn’t change. [40:47] You must break that cycle.

[40:50] Scripture puts a priority on the wife respecting her husband. [40:56] Because that’s what puts him in leadership. [40:58] It sets a priority that God has designed the family to have. [41:01] You need to respect your husband in as many ways as you can.

[41:06] Try deferring to him in decision making. [41:10] Set it all out there. Pray for him. [41:13] Give him advice. Give him wisdom.

[41:17] But then trust him with the steering wheel sometimes.

[41:23] 1 Peter 3 gives us the picture that when godliness is fashioned before a husband, it will help him be a wiser husband, closer to Jesus. [41:32] In 1 Peter 3, starting in verse 3, it says, [41:35] Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear, [41:40] But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. [41:49] For this is how holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by putting, excuse me, by submitting to their own husbands.

[42:01] That’s what God calls beauty.

[42:04] Titus 2 5 presents a self-controlled woman. [42:08] Not a controlled woman.

[42:12] So if you want to help your husband be a disciple of Jesus. [42:18] Titus 2 5 says, Be self-controlled, pure, working at home kind and submissive to their own husbands. [42:23] That the word of God may not be reviled. The greatest way to make sure you’re not reviling the word of God is to know the word of God. [42:31] Your husband should be the primary theologian in your family, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t study the Bible just like him.

[42:43] The foundation for this, though, is built on discipleship.

[42:49] If you know the word of God, you’ll treasure the word of God and you won’t desire to revile the word of God. [42:55] True womanhood is found in following Jesus, just like true manhood is found in following Jesus. [43:01] The same call on men is on women. Love God and then love others. Build a life on following Jesus.

[43:11] Says you’re a disciple.

[43:14] Encourage your family. [43:16] Do you know Proverbs 25, 24? A father says to his son, he says, It’s better to live in the corner of a house top than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

[43:27] Men, take that advice while you’re dating.

[43:33] Ladies, are you encouraging?

[43:39] Or do people only hear from you when you have something negative to say? [43:42] I asked the same question last week to husbands, but the same thing applies to wives.

[43:47] Do you complain all the time? [43:50] Do people only hear from you when something’s gone wrong? [43:53] Your husband needs to be honored with kind and encouraging words and so do your children. [43:58] There’s no greater encouragement than from a wife.

[44:02] I could care less what the world says about me so long as my wife’s encouraging me. [44:07] I feel like a man when my baby’s got something nice to say.

[44:12] I care less what anybody else says. As long as she’s got my back, I’m good to go. [44:17] And trust me, the same thing goes for every husband in this room.

[44:24] There’s no more comforting words also than the kindness of a mother.

[44:29] How do you talk to your children?

[44:33] How do you talk about your children?

[44:38] Encourage your family in following Jesus.

[44:43] You know, loving your neighbor as yourself starts with your husband and your kids.

[44:49] Sometimes I hear people say things about their family that they wouldn’t say about people outside of their family.

[44:56] Sometimes I hear mothers say things about their children that they wouldn’t say about a hobo on the street.

[45:03] You’re disobeying the call to love your neighbor as yourself.

[45:07] Husbands, same goes for you. [45:10] Be wise and give wisdom, ladies. [45:15] Proverbs 11-22 says, Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.

[45:24] It’s one of those proverbs that many of us put on coffee cups. No, it’s not.

[45:35] First Peter 3 presents the wife as someone that has beauty in the mind. [45:42] Through the word and through the experience of womanhood, your family needs your wisdom.

[45:49] As you age, find glory in your wisdom and not simply in your outward appeal. [45:55] That is overrated and will vanish on you. [45:59] Trust me, you won’t see the truth in all of us. [46:01] We’re all getting uglier.

[46:04] I’ll just give you that truth. [46:08] And it’s okay.

[46:11] But it’s a problem if we’re not getting wiser.

[46:15] Find glory in having the discernment to give your husband strategic wisdom. [46:21] He needs it. [46:22] Trust me, I know a lot of husbands. [46:26] Man, they’ll go in the wrong direction quick.

[46:31] The wisdom of a wife and mother needs to grow and decisions of a husband and wife are always better with the influence of a wise wife.

[46:42] Finally, don’t undermine your husband’s willingness to sacrifice for the cause of Christ. [46:48] Help your husband follow Jesus. [46:51] I say this out of experience. [46:54] Never be the reason he doesn’t make a sacrifice to serve the Lord and live the mission.

[47:01] If your family needs to change in order for the mission of Jesus to go further, then do not stand in the way.

[47:09] Take glory that your husband loves you enough to want to follow Jesus. [47:12] It’s ultimately about submitting to Jesus. [47:14] When we don’t do that, the rest is worthless because it is not God’s design. [47:19] And God’s design is rooted in the cross.

[47:24] Here’s why I say that.

[47:27] I can say this as a husband.

[47:32] And don’t use this for bad.

[47:37] Often I see women, wives underestimate the influence that they have on their husbands.

[47:46] You have no idea the influence that you have on that man.

[47:53] I hope you’ll realize that the influence that God has given into your life is to be used for the cause of Christ. [48:03] And that the greatest influence for a husband serving Jesus is a wife encouraging him to serve Jesus. [48:09] A wife encouraging him to take the lead. [48:12] A wife encouraging him to serve. [48:14] A wife encouraging him to sacrifice. [48:17] And do not be a quarrelsome, conflicted wife who would say when a husband wants to serve the Lord,

[48:25] say, no, you need to pay more attention to me.

[48:33] Because as soon as you do that, you strip him.

[48:42] Of his call, thereby stripping you of your call.

[48:51] A husband that’s following Jesus is going to be a good husband.

[48:57] Your fear that he’ll love Jesus more than he loves you is an ungodly fear. [49:05] Because what you’re then saying is, I want to be his God. [49:10] And as bad of a God his husbands make, well, wives make not a good God either.

[49:20] Serve Jesus together.

[49:26] All of us make mistakes in following Jesus.

[49:31] All of us make mistakes in our marriages. [49:33] I’m an expert at that.

[49:36] But here’s the key. [49:39] Because of the cross, today you can make the changes that may need to be made. [49:48] Because of the cross, everything that’s been going in the wrong direction doesn’t have to be held against you. [49:56] You can start over brand new and follow Jesus. [50:01] Because his grace and his forgiveness are so great that a wife can look at a husband and say, I forgive you, [50:08] and a husband can look at a wife and say, I forgive you, and you can really mean it.

[50:12] And then as you leave here today, you can begin to build a family under God and for God.

[50:20] As we transition into a time of communion, as the musicians come to play, [50:26] I just want to take a moment for us to reflect on that cross.

[50:35] I want us to begin to build a foundation for life. [50:40] And every time, as I said before, every time God begins in the Scriptures to point out specific places in our lives, [50:47] he points us to the cross. [50:50] Because he knows that is the only place we’re going to find the strength to do what we need to do. [50:55] And so this morning, I don’t want to end without pointing you to the cross to find the hope that you need to change, [51:02] to find the strength that you need to change.

[51:06] In communion, we have the body and blood of Christ, which represent as we drink and as we eat the life of Jesus coming into us.

[51:16] And as he does that, he strengthens us. [51:20] As we proclaim that his Gospel is true, he gives us everything we need. [51:24] We need to follow him. [51:27] And if you’re in here this morning and you’re a follower of Jesus, I call you right now to proclaim the Gospel.

[51:35] And then build a family for the Gospel. [51:38] When you’re ready, come.

[51:40] Alright, go ahead and finish taking communion while we get ready for Q&A time here. [51:46] It’s something we’re doing a little bit different during this series. [51:48] We won’t be having our songs at the end of the service, but instead we’ll be doing a time of question and answer. [51:53] Thank you guys for all the questions you sent in. [51:55] I do want to call the ushers forward for our offering right now. [51:58] This is something that we who call Village Home do as an act of worship, so please don’t feel like you need to participate in that if you’re our guest this morning.

[52:07] As always, thank you guys for the questions. [52:09] If we don’t get to your question, please email us. [52:12] We appreciate you guys being so great with sending all these in, and we’ll just get right to it here. [52:18] Had a bunch of questions about women in the home, so I’m going to start there asking those. [52:22] If the priority is the home, does that mean the woman shouldn’t work outside the home?

[52:28] Notice I prefaced it with, I didn’t say the woman’s place is the home. [52:32] I was very clear about that. [52:34] Here’s what I mean by that. [52:35] The Bible never categorically says that the wife or the mother shouldn’t have a job. [52:42] It doesn’t say that the wife or the mother shouldn’t contribute. [52:45] But what it says is that the wife and mother should have a priority at home.

[52:49] And so here’s, I think, the greatest wisdom I can give you. [52:54] Is that in our culture, there is a radical move to having to have two income families. [53:02] And I think that we should sometimes kind of go away from culture on some of those things. [53:08] Because that word priority means that you should not flippantly not take into consideration the impact of less time with your children. [53:16] Or less time in the home. [53:17] So what my hope is, is that you will at least sit down and have a conversation of, is both of our priority first, the home.

[53:28] And then secondly, how can we live that out better than we’re living that out right now? [53:33] What sacrifices can be made for us to have more of a focus on the home? [53:39] Ultimately, I would say that an ideal situation of a mother and a wife is to spend as much time as possible with her children. [53:47] But I know that in our culture, that’s difficult. [53:51] But I still think that we need to push that way because I think we need to be counter-cultural in the way that we view material wealth and the way that we view our families. [54:00] So someone needs to be with the children.

[54:05] [54:06] Clear as mud? [54:07] Kind of bouncing off that. [54:09] What would you say to encourage a woman who feels like she must work outside the home but is struggling with not feeling like she has enough time for her family? [54:18] I would say begin to make the hard move to sacrifice. [54:25] Because I think we’re convinced we need a lot of things that we don’t need.

[54:28] So we have to start by asking ourselves why, if your desire is over here, yet you’re over here, and you see God moving you there, [54:37] the big question is, what’s keeping me from getting there? [54:42] And so for some people, I think it means to make a drastic change in your lifestyle.

[54:50] I think that materialism is a great idol in the American church. [54:54] And so it could, for some of you, mean that you change your lifestyle. [54:58] I think all of us probably need to do that. [55:00] But if you think that you working is keeping you from having a priority in the home, [55:06] then you need to begin to make changes so that you can focus all your attention on your home. [55:11] And that’s probably not going to happen overnight.

[55:14] It means that you need to get out of debt. [55:15] It means that you may need to relocate. [55:18] I mean, it could mean a host of things that could take you five to ten years. [55:22] But the journey of getting there is going to be worth it if you’re more able to fulfill God’s design.

[55:29] What do I do if my husband will not lead the family spiritually, even though he claims to be a Christian? [55:36] I think that what you’ve got to do is find a way to really apply 1 Peter 3.1, [55:42] what it means to buy your lifestyle, encourage him towards the cause of Christ. [55:48] And so if he just refuses to lead in certain ways, [55:51] that does necessarily mean that you’re going to have to do the discipleship for your children if he won’t. [55:58] It doesn’t mean they don’t get discipled.

[56:00] It means that you’re working in a less than ideal situation and it’s going to complicate things. [56:05] So you’re going to have to fill the shoes of discipleship because they need to be discipled. [56:10] I made the appendix on the statement during the sermon that part of it is going to get really complicated. [56:17] And that you let him lead in as many ways as it doesn’t negate your following Jesus. [56:24] Well, Jesus has called your children to be discipled by the parents. [56:27] And so you’re going to have to do that.

[56:29] And it does mean that sometimes you need to be the voice of reason. [56:33] But what it doesn’t mean is that you turn into a quarrelsome wife and try to argue him to Jesus because that’s not going to work. [56:41] And so you’re going to have to do some hard things and some really tough spots. [56:45] It’s kind of a part two of that one. [56:48] What do I do if my husband uses what we talked about today, biblical submission, as an excuse for chauvinism?

[56:58] Unfortunately, in our culture, we see that. [57:03] I think less so now than we used to. [57:07] But it still does happen. [57:08] And that needs to be wholly rejected and repented of. [57:12] And so as a wife, if he’s claiming something is Jesus that is anti Christ, tell him that. [57:21] I would say, tell him that this is anti Christ.

[57:25] And if you’re a member here, you should contact a pastor.

[57:31] Because the conversation needs to be had and he needs to be held accountable. [57:35] But that is sinful. [57:37] And the further into chauvinism that it goes, for me, the more terrifying it gets because very quickly in a lot of religious subcultures where chauvinism does happen, a lot of times abuse runs rampant in those types of situations. [57:53] And so if it goes to abuse, the same thing I said last week falls into play. [57:58] You need to contact the authorities. [58:00] You need to remove yourself.

[58:01] And if you have children, you remove your children from that household. [58:04] And you need to seek the counsel of pastors. [58:07] And I would go through it too, especially if you’re in a gospel-centered church. [58:11] Because if a church promotes that type of thing, it’s not gospel-centered. [58:16] And you need to leave that church. [58:18] I mean, I’m not opposed to telling people to leave their church.

[58:24] How do you recognize which parts of the Bible talk about culture of the day and which are eternal? [58:31] Like, for example, some passages talk about cutting hair and covering heads, things like that. [58:37] Yeah. It’s really important in that because one of the texts I use today precedes and after it talks about hair. [58:44] All right. And I don’t think that what it has to say about hair applies here. [58:50] I don’t make the ladies wear hats. All right. So I don’t believe that. [58:54] Okay. But here’s the thing that you can take from it.

[58:57] Anytime you’re reading in the scripture, what has to do with the gospel or something that’s harkening you back [59:07] to the original created order? The Book of Matthew has tons of this. [59:11] It may take you back to the original created order. [59:13] You have to first understand what did this text mean to the original audience? [59:20] So what a lot of people will do is they’ll read something and they’ll say, well, this is just cultural. [59:24] And you don’t even know how it’s cultural.

[59:27] So you have to first, in any good Bible study, you have to say, what did this mean to the original reader? [59:31] And then after that, you have to say, what was the heart of the author’s intent for them to learn? [59:40] Because nothing in scripture is all just cultural and can be thrown away. [59:44] There’s not a passage in the Bible like that. [59:47] But what it is, is you have to be discerning enough to say what part of it harkens me to the gospel. [59:53] What part of it harkens me to the original creator?

[59:55] Because that’s ultimately part of the gospel. [59:57] And that’s the hard work of studying the Bible.

[60:01] But everywhere in the New Testament, even the cultural parts have something for us to understand. [60:06] And the important part is saying, where’s the gospel in this? [60:10] And then that’s the heart that it’s coming from. [60:12] In Corinth, the passage that I talked about today, the reason that hair was so important in Corinth is because pagan prostitutes shaved their heads. [60:20] And so Paul’s point is, don’t be a pagan prostitute.

[60:24] And a lot of that would apply to our culture with certain things too. [60:27] So you can’t just say none of it applies right now. [60:30] Because the heart of it always applies.

[60:34] How can I apply this if I’m single?

[60:44] 1 Corinthians 7, okay. [60:46] First off, I want to clarify something. [60:49] 1 Corinthians 7 has the question of, are you going to stay single or do you desire marriage? [60:55] Because those two boats are going to put you in different boats. [60:59] If you desire to stay single, then you don’t burn with passion so that you don’t fornicate. [61:05] And then, so a lot of this is not going to apply in the same light as I preached today.

[61:12] But those people are pretty rare, I’ve found. [61:14] Most of us burn.

[61:17] So if you desire to be married, what it means is that you prepare your life for that type of living. [61:28] That’s what it means. It means, guys, you’re prepared to be a husband who sacrifices and serves. [61:34] Wives, you prepare to love your husband, respect your husband, and to love motherhood if that’s going to happen in your life. [61:42] A lot of it’s about preparation, is what I would say. [61:47] What are some practical examples of areas that a wife should submit to her husband?

[61:56] I would say, ultimately, in discipleship, if he’s a godly husband. [62:02] Because remember, I said, a lot of this hinges on a husband following Jesus. [62:07] That’s all I said. So first and foremost, it means letting him spiritually lead the family and not standing in his way. [62:14] You have no idea the temptation for a wife to become a husband’s idol.

[62:21] And most men won’t be honest about it, but we’ve got that temptation. [62:25] We’ll do anything. We’ll sacrifice anything. And sometimes we’ll sacrifice Jesus for you. [62:31] That’s how sinful we are. [62:34] And so you need to let him lead in following Jesus. [62:37] Men say, when you’re making decisions about your family, you need to come together, give wise counsel, and then defer to your husband.

[62:47] You need to let him make decisions. That’s important. [62:51] Because if he makes a bad one, he’ll know it, and then he’ll go with what you said.

[62:58] I mean, let’s be honest about that. [63:01] Not too many guys are going to go 50 miles in the wrong direction for too long. [63:04] I mean, let’s be honest. We’ll turn on the garment eventually. [63:08] But the key is respect.

[63:14] That’s the big key for me. And I think decision making is the big one that needs to happen for that. [63:20] I think the other things are a lot of times are tertiary issues that are just on the periphery. [63:26] And we think submission is something that it’s not. [63:29] I mean, most of the things that men would call submission are because they’re lazy and they don’t want to serve. [63:36] So husband, grab the vacuum, wash some dishes, clean the toilet. [63:40] That’s not submission. That’s so stupid.

[63:46] We’re talking about true godly leadership here, which is about Jesus and respect and value. [63:54] And so that’s what I would say. [63:56] I didn’t pray for us for about a time. [63:57] Let’s pray. [64:00] Father, I’m so thankful for you.

[64:04] In the gospel, you fashioned so well for us what life is about, what submission is about, and what glory looks like. [64:15] Help us to take joy in the roles that you’ve created for us.

[64:21] Help us to love you, love each other, and reach the world with the gospel. [64:26] In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.