How To Treasure Your Family.

Steve Gentry

[0:00] If you have your Bibles, open up to Matthew chapter 19. [0:03] We’re going to be in verses six through eight in just a few moments. [0:07] If this is your first time here. [0:09] My name’s Steve. [0:10] I’m one of the pastors here at Village Church. [0:12] And as always, I’m thankful and grateful to see each and every one of you.

[0:17] We’re on week two of a series called Family. [0:20] Your mission starts here. [0:21] And so we started last week unpacking God’s call [0:25] to raise a family in light of the gospel. [0:30] And that the only way for us to do that is if we personally, each member of the family, [0:36] we start by building a foundation.

[0:40] For our lives on the gospel. [0:42] And this week, I want to transition into [0:46] how to treasure your family, from how to love your family, because last week [0:49] we took a look at the great commandment, where it’s a primary command [0:53] and then a secondary command that you’re to love God with all your heart, [0:56] your soul and your mind.

[0:57] And the second, Jesus says, is like it to love your neighbor as yourself. [1:01] So he links them with the reality that you cannot obey the secondary command [1:06] if you are not first obeying the primary command. [1:09] So you cannot hope to love anyone [1:11] the way that God has designed for love to happen. [1:14] If you do not love God with all of your life, therefore,

[1:18] the first thing for you to do for your family, for the hope of your family [1:24] is to love and obey God by first trusting the gospel. [1:30] And then secondly, living the gospel with your life so that you can [1:34] equip and inspire those who are around you, specifically in your family, to follow God. [1:41] And this week, I want to take a look specifically [1:44] at that secondary command and unpack what that looks like in your family.

[1:49] Loving your neighbor as yourself. [1:53] Now, that’s going to necessarily start [1:56] with your family. [1:59] If you’re married, it’s going to start with your spouse. [2:02] If you have children, it’s going to start with your spouse and your children. [2:06] If you are a child, it’s going to start with how you love your siblings

[2:10] and how you love your parents. [2:12] But the nuclear family is necessarily where this starts, as we unpacked last week, [2:17] that your family are the most significant relationships in your life [2:22] because you’re going to spend the most time with them. [2:24] It’s just logical. [2:26] So how you love your neighbor as yourself is going to start at home.

[2:31] When we begin to look at this type of thing, [2:36] it’s very tempting for us to come at it with a mentality of, OK, [2:41] give me a few steps to how I can begin to do this right [2:46] and give me some behavior that I can begin to modify.

[2:52] But really, where we need to begin [2:55] is with our hearts. [2:58] You see, Jesus, when he was questioned by the Pharisees, he looked at them [3:01] and he said, Your main issue is that you have attempted to clean [3:05] the outside of the cup and you’ve ignored the inside of the cup. [3:09] If you know anything about dirty cups,

[3:13] you know that you pour the drink in the inside. [3:17] And so you kind of want that to be the cleanest portion, I assume. [3:20] I want everything to be clean, but but I don’t want to clean the outside [3:23] and then have caked in mud that I’m drinking my drink out of. [3:26] That’s disgusting.

[3:29] And Jesus’s point is this, that you first clean the inside [3:33] and then you clean the outside. [3:35] In other words, if you clean the inside of your life, [3:38] you will, by virtue of that, clean the outside of your life, [3:42] because what is on the inside will eventually manifest its way out. [3:45] So when we want these quick how to’s, how to be a better husband,

[3:49] how to be a better father, how to be a better wife, how to be a better mother. [3:53] When we want those quick how to’s, what we’re doing is we’re saying, [3:57] how can I use my behavior to change my life? [4:02] And that’s never where the gospel starts. [4:03] The gospel always says, how can I change your heart? [4:07] How can I change your affections?

[4:10] How can I change your motivations? [4:12] And then we will clean the outside of the cup. [4:17] If anything I say this morning in the sermon brings any questions into your mind, [4:21] then there should be a number on the screen throughout where you can ask questions. [4:25] And I’ll do live Q&A immediately following our time of communion this morning.

[4:31] But where I want to start this morning is not where most people would start [4:34] in a section on how to relate, how to view and how to treasure your family. [4:41] But I want to start with this point and then we’ll get to Matthew 19. [4:44] But my first point this morning is that you need to trust the Bible more than you trust yourself.

[4:51] You need to trust the Bible more than you trust yourself.

[4:56] There are many times in life where the way that you think [5:02] and the way that you’re acting, the things that you want and the things that you’re chasing [5:08] will come into direct conflict with what the Bible says. [5:12] I mean, if you’re a sinner, that’s going to happen. [5:15] If it’s never happened, you’re not in the word very much.

[5:20] But your response in that moment will serve as a great revelation to where your faith actually is. [5:27] The reason for that is that you are never right where God says you’re wrong. [5:36] Here’s what we do. [5:37] Well, but I’m in a different situation.

[5:42] Bar none.

[5:45] Whenever there’s not repentance of sin, that’s what I hear. [5:49] Is it my situation is different? [5:52] No, it’s not.

[5:56] You’re struggling with the same thing everyone else is struggling in. [6:01] You have the same sinful heart that everyone else has. [6:05] You have the same idolatry in your life that everyone else has. [6:09] Your situation is not different according to God. [6:14] Why? Because he’s the God of your situation.

[6:18] Do you think you’ve thrown God a curve ball with your situation? [6:21] Well, when God said that in the scriptures, [6:23] he wasn’t thinking about this. [6:25] He’s God.

[6:28] How foolish are we to think that our situation is something that he didn’t have the foresight to think about.

[6:37] In 2 Timothy chapter 3, a verse that if you’ve been in church for a long time, [6:41] you may have heard before it says that all scripture is breathed out by God [6:45] and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, [6:48] and for training in righteousness that the man of God may be complete equipped for every good work. [6:53] We’re very good at quoting the first part, [6:55] but we’re very bad at living out the second part.

[6:59] See, what you have right there is a statement that is static. [7:03] The Bible is breathed out by God. [7:06] It’s inspired by him. [7:07] That term, what it literally means is that God breathed this out of his very essence [7:13] and he wrote through men these words in the scriptures. [7:16] We believe here it’s authoritative.

[7:18] But then he gives us a list of things that the Bible is to do to us. [7:24] The Bible is to correct us.

[7:28] And that’s where we get offended.

[7:32] Because we want it to be the word of God because it has the gospel in it. [7:35] It saves us from hell. [7:37] But then by nature, when it saves us, it then begins to speak into our lives [7:43] to change our lives from the things that were sending us to hell. [7:48] And so it corrects you.

[7:53] It reproves you. [7:55] And it trains you for what? [7:57] For righteousness. [7:59] So when you come into the word, [8:02] when you come into contact with what God has to say about you, [8:06] with what God has to say about your family,

[8:08] with what God has to say about the way that you should view every little thing in life, [8:13] the only option for faith is,

[8:17] I will change. [8:20] I will change. [8:22] But the thing that we’re going to fight the most [8:26] is changing.

[8:29] There will be the voice in your head that says, [8:33] you don’t need to change.

[8:37] You’ll reason it out and you’ll say, [8:39] well, here’s why that doesn’t apply to me. [8:41] Here’s why it doesn’t apply to my situation. [8:44] Here’s why what I’m doing is OK.

[8:50] Nowhere in the Scriptures do you see the Holy Spirit working in someone’s mind that way. [8:54] I challenge you to find it.

[8:58] The Scripture has the Holy Spirit coming into the hearts and coming into the minds of people [9:02] who trust God, and then they say, [9:05] I’ll change. [9:06] If they’re following Jesus.

[9:13] We often believe the lie. [9:16] I am who I am. [9:18] And I can’t change certain things.

[9:22] That is anti-Gospel.

[9:27] Once had a conversation over a decade ago with a friend who said, [9:30] yeah, the Gospel will change a lot of things, [9:32] but it can’t change your personality.

[9:35] The Gospel can and must change your personality.

[9:39] Frankly, for most of us, [9:41] specifically me,

[9:44] my personality is probably the most sinful thing about me. [9:48] The way I react to people, [9:49] the way that I treat people, [9:50] the way that I talk to people. [9:52] If that’s not saturated with the Gospel, [9:55] then no one will come to Christ through my witness.

[10:00] Everything must change. [10:02] Everything.

[10:04] The way that you view your family must change. [10:06] We must let God define you. [10:08] God will define our vision for life.

[10:11] We may agree to some of this in theory, [10:14] but then in practice, I think that’s where we struggle. [10:17] The words used in these verses [10:20] must change the way you think, [10:23] feel, and act. [10:25] So I’m going to challenge the way that you’re thinking about your family,

[10:28] the way that you’re feeling about your family, [10:30] and then the way that you’re acting towards your family. [10:34] Your feelings will lie to you.

[10:39] Tim Keller once said that idolatry does not just impact the way that we think. [10:48] It also impacts our emotional perception, our feeling.

[10:55] We will often feel lies. [10:58] We will not just think them.

[11:02] Romans 12-2, Paul says, [11:05] Do not be conformed to this world, but be trained to be conformed to this world. [11:07] Do not be transformed by the renewal of your mind, [11:09] that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, [11:13] what is good, and acceptable, and perfect.

[11:17] I think the main struggle that we have with family right now in our culture [11:21] is that concept. [11:24] That conform concept. [11:28] And rather than conforming the way that we view our family, [11:32] the way that we feel about our family, [11:33] the way that we think about our family,

[11:35] often times I think we are conforming to the way that this world [11:38] would have us think, feel, and act towards our family. [11:43] The way that we feel about the way that maybe having children hindered me [11:47] from reaching my dreams.

[11:51] The way that my spouse is keeping me from my true passions, [11:56] from my true dreams, from my true goals.

[12:01] That is not the mindset, that is not the passion [12:04] that God gives us in scripture.

[12:10] You must believe the word before you believe yourself.

[12:18] Of paramount importance is that we submit to God’s design and vision [12:23] for the big things in life, specifically family. [12:27] Because I do not think I am shocking you when I say [12:31] that families falling apart, they don’t fall.

[12:38] We use those kitschy words to excuse ourselves. [12:41] We break them apart. [12:44] With our own hands, with our own emotions, [12:49] with our own feelings, and with our own decisions. [12:53] We hold the sledgehammers that break families apart. [12:58] Your family won’t fall apart, someone will tear it apart.

[13:05] My goal is that it is not you.

[13:14] I know this is going to be painful for some this morning [13:17] who have been through bad experiences, [13:20] who are right now suffering through the consequences of sin, [13:23] suffering through the consequences of someone else’s decisions.

[13:30] Know that I am not saying any of this flippantly.

[13:35] But with some of you it is conversations that I have already had [13:37] and my prayer is that you will know my heart [13:40] because of those conversations.

[13:47] Divorce is ravaging our culture. [13:50] It is ravaging our churches.

[13:56] Point number two this morning, marriage matters more.

[14:04] I want to leave that open-ended.

[14:08] Your marriage, if you are in here and you are married, [14:13] if you are single, your future marriage,

[14:17] your marriage is more important than anything other than the gospel.

[14:22] It is the top of the secondary command. [14:27] The primary command feeds into it. [14:31] But we take it so lightly. [14:33] We treat it as a contract and it is not as a covenant.

[14:38] In Matthew chapter 19, listen to the words of our Savior. [14:42] Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother, [14:47] hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. [14:51] So they are no longer two, but one flesh. [14:55] What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. [14:59] They said to him, the Jews were looking for a way out, just like we are.

[15:03] But you do not know my situation, Jesus.

[15:07] Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away? [15:13] Here are the piercing words of Jesus to that response. [15:19] He said to them, because your hardness of heart,

[15:27] Moses allowed you to divorce your wives.

[15:32] But from the beginning, it was not so.

[15:41] Jesus is giving us in those three verses everything you will ever need to know about how God views marriage. [15:46] Here is why. [15:48] As much as everyone says Jesus is silent about marriage in the gospels, [15:51] it is because, number one, they do not believe in the authority of scripture, [15:54] and number two, I do not think they believe in the eternality of Jesus when they say that. [15:57] When Jesus says from the beginning in verse eight,

[16:00] that is a literary device that is used throughout the book of Matthew. [16:05] And it is to point to the fact that Jesus is God. [16:08] It is to remind you of the book of Genesis when Jesus says from the beginning, [16:12] and when the book of Matthew says from the beginning. [16:15] It is a literary device so that you will see this is God. [16:19] Jesus is the creator God.

[16:22] And here, he uses it in a little bit of a different way, [16:24] but what he is doing is he is saying everything from the book of Genesis onward is something that Jesus said.

[16:35] It is something that Jesus did. [16:37] So you want to know how Jesus feels about marriage, go read the book of Genesis. [16:42] You can start in chapter two, verses 21 through 24. [16:45] Here is what Jesus says. [16:48] So the Lord God, Jesus is in that name. [16:53] He is the second member of the Trinity.

[16:56] Jesus caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man. [16:59] Who is he speaking of? [17:00] Adam. [17:02] God created Adam, and then he said it is not good for man to be alone, and here is what God does. [17:07] And while he slept, took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. [17:13] And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

[17:18] Then the man said, [17:20] This at last is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. [17:23] She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. [17:27] Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother, and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. [17:34] That is what Jesus is saying when he says these two shall become one flesh. [17:39] So he is saying, this is the way I designed it.

[17:42] Remember, in Genesis 2, the fall of man has not happened yet. [17:46] So he has made a covenant between Adam and Eve, and he said, you two are one. [17:53] And then he sets this mandate to go forward into the future about children. [17:58] So Jesus has in mind that children will be born, and he says a man shall leave his father and mother, [18:04] cleave or hold fast, it is a type of grip that you never let go of, [18:11] to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

[18:15] And then Jesus says, very specifically, here, look at the text back in Matthew chapter 19, [18:23] where Jesus adds something that was an unspoken expectation in the book of Genesis, [18:29] because sin had not entered the world yet. [18:31] Jesus adds one thing to it, where he says, [18:35] What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

[18:45] So he says, this was not a covenant that was temporary in your lifetime.

[18:52] It was a covenant that is meant for the rest of your life. [18:58] So whenever I do weddings, I am very specific to tell people that the covenant that you will make today [19:02] is primarily to God and only secondary between the two of you. [19:07] Marriage is not an agreement between two people.

[19:12] Marriage is a covenant of God.

[19:20] But, but, but, but, but.

[19:25] And then Jesus levels the playing field when he says, [19:27] You want to know why Moses did that? [19:29] So that the chaos of your hearts would not send every one of you to hell.

[19:36] Then he gives a new mandate where he says, [19:40] Guess what? I’ve come to take the world back to Genesis 2. [19:46] The gospel redeems us back to God’s ideal, and it is what we are to seek with our lives.

[19:58] Marriage matters more. [20:01] His point is that if God has sealed the covenant of marriage, who do you think you are to unseal it?

[20:09] How you treat your marriage then reflects how you view the authority of God in your life.

[20:17] This is why the implications of how we think, act, and feel about marriage are inseparable [20:23] from how we think, act, and feel about God.

[20:31] And I’m not just speaking into the issue of breaking the bonds of marriage. [20:39] Speaking into the issue of how you act within your current marriage.

[20:47] How do you act towards your spouse is revelation of what you think about God.

[20:56] John Stott, the great theologian, once said that the marriage bond is more than a human contract. [21:03] It is a divine yoke. [21:06] It is a divine joining together in which we are to walk hand in hand through the journey and the rest of our lives. [21:13] Jesus then, when he refers to Genesis chapter 2, he is saying, [21:17] I have come to redeem us back to where God intended for us to be. [21:23] And in Christian marriage we must have a vision for being redeemed back to where God had us from the beginning.

[21:31] And we must understand that our marriages declare the gospel. [21:35] A good one or a bad one? [21:38] In Ephesians chapter 5, the apostle Paul says,

[21:46] This mystery is profound and I’m saying that it refers to Christ and the church. [21:55] Memorize that. [21:57] Post it on the wall. [21:59] Do whatever you have to so that every argument, every volatile moment, every emotion, every resentment, [22:08] every bit of anger, every bit of wrath, every bit of thought that you have towards your spouse, [22:16] you keep me from my dreams, you keep me from reaching my real potential in life,

[22:20] every time you have a thought you’ll be confronted with the faith that your marriage is to declare who Jesus is.

[22:32] And in that moment it is declaring who you think Jesus is.

[22:44] Do not tell the world that Jesus is an unfaithful spouse.

[22:51] Do not tell the world that Jesus hates his wife. [22:57] Do not tell the world that Jesus will forsake his bride.

[23:05] Do not tell the world that Jesus is not loving, is not forgiving, is not gracious.

[23:17] Is Jesus holding you back from your dreams? [23:21] Is Jesus holding you back from your true potential? [23:24] Is Jesus holding you back from the life that you’ve always wanted?

[23:33] How you act in your marriage, the scripture says, communicates to the world around you what you think about Jesus in those moments.

[23:46] Marriage is more significant than your career.

[23:52] Marriage matters more than your friends.

[23:56] Marriage matters more than your hobbies. [23:59] Marriage matters more than your money. [24:01] Marriage matters more than your fitness. [24:04] Marriage matters more than your dreams. [24:07] Marriage matters more than your happiness.

[24:13] Well, I’m not happy in my marriage.

[24:18] Then change it.

[24:23] But do not tell the world that Jesus is so fickle that when He’s not happy with you, [24:30] He’ll walk away. [24:32] It should be your dread that He would. [24:36] Because I’ve done lots to make Jesus very unhappy. [24:41] Thanks be to God that Christ has not walked away from me yet. [24:45] And He tells me He never will.

[24:53] Your life will flow from the rhythms established in your marriage.

[24:59] It all flows from there.

[25:04] We must clean the inside of our cup. [25:07] And that starts with simply how we view marriage. [25:11] Before we can ever get to the point of how do I change my behavior within marriage. [25:16] Because you can change your behavior for a week, a month, maybe even a year.

[25:21] But the core of who you are will eventually come out. [25:26] The core of what you really want in life will eventually come out. [25:31] The core of why you’re unhappy will eventually manifest itself.

[25:40] Friends, change. [25:42] Change.

[25:45] I don’t care what your dreams are. [25:47] If they sacrifice your marriage, it is a nightmare.

[25:52] Some of our dreams would send us straight to hell. [25:55] And it is the grace of God that He has not allowed us to realize our dreams.

[26:01] I’ll tell you straight up. [26:02] If I’m heading towards a career that they’re like, [26:05] Man, six out of ten of these guys get divorced. [26:07] Don’t go for that career.

[26:11] But here’s the sad truth. [26:13] We are willing to sacrifice our marriage for that career.

[26:20] Don’t do it.

[26:23] Your marriage is more significant. [26:25] Your dreams need to be Jesus’ dreams. [26:28] That’s my point.

[26:32] Your dreams need to be about your spouse.

[26:35] Your hopes need to be about your wife. [26:38] Your hopes need to be about your husband. [26:40] Your heart needs to be for your spouse, not for something else in this world.

[26:47] Because you may realize those dreams, but in the end you will realize that it is not worth it. [26:54] And if you never realize that, then you weren’t saved.

[27:00] Number three this morning. [27:04] Children matter more.

[27:07] Children matter more.

[27:13] Marriage is a high calling.

[27:17] I don’t care. [27:19] You could save the world. [27:22] You could be the greatest action hero ever. [27:27] Because I know when I say stuff like that, in my mind it goes back to Rambo.

[27:34] But you could, you’re just like, you’re saving the world, Will Smith style.

[27:41] That is not as high of a calling as being a husband and wife.

[27:46] Do you believe God or do you believe the world? [27:49] That’s my question. [27:50] God says, from the beginning, this is what I wanted. [27:53] This is what I’ve called you to. [27:56] Who am I to say something else is better? [27:59] Who am I to say winning the Super Bowl is better?

[28:01] Who am I to say winning some championship is better? [28:04] Who am I to disagree with God as to what a high calling is?

[28:10] The high callings will usually have you labor in absolute obscurity for the rest of your life. [28:16] Where no one knows your name. [28:18] No one knows who you are. [28:19] Because God’s not interested in anyone knowing who you are. [28:22] God is interested in your neighbors knowing who Jesus is.

[28:30] So if marriage is a high calling, children are connected to that high calling.

[28:39] Family is a top down thing. [28:40] Children are connected to the covenant of marriage because God has designed marriage for procreation to take place. [28:49] So it is part of the marriage covenant. [28:52] When he says in Matthew 19, 8, he says from the beginning, he’s drawing us back to what he said in Genesis. [28:58] And look in Genesis chapter 1, verse 27. [29:02] Where he says, God created man in his own image.

[29:05] In the image of God, he created him male and female. [29:07] He created them. [29:09] Verse 28, God blessed them. [29:11] God said to them, be fruitful and multiply. [29:15] Fill the earth, subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the heavens, and over every living thing that moves on the earth. [29:21] The dominion mandate or the cultural mandate that God has given us begins with make babies.

[29:30] It does. [29:31] [29:32] And what lie we believe is that that’s over. [29:36] We don’t need to do that anymore. [29:37] There’s enough people. [29:39] No, there aren’t.

[29:42] Because God never ended this. [29:45] God never said, oh, okay, we’ll stop being fruitful. [29:49] If that was the case, most of us would be very unhappy, specifically in marriage. [29:54] Because there’s one great benefit to marriage that makes babies. [29:58] And that’s part of the dominion mandate.

[30:01] The reality here is that God has not stopped calling on us to be fruitful and multiply. [30:09] The dominion mandate still happens. [30:11] And a way in which the dominion mandate is fulfilled in our lives, the way that we subdue the earth is through procreation.

[30:22] This is a large part of exercising the dominion mandate, is the family. [30:27] Outside of scripture, there have been numerous studies done on the health and welfare of children. [30:34] Okay. [30:34] So if you’re in here, you have children. [30:38] Outside of scripture, I want to save your children through your marriage. [30:42] That’s what God wants to do.

[30:45] This is not even the Bible, because you got to believe that the Bible loves your kids.

[30:51] Almost without exception.

[30:54] In other words, they haven’t really found an exception to this. [30:58] Children are healthier physically and mentally when raised by biological parents united in marriage. [31:06] In other words, the biology part wasn’t as important as the marriage part, because they also did studies on people that are just cohabitating. [31:13] They said the fact that those parents were not united in marriage hurt children.

[31:20] These are studies by Brad Wilcox at UVA and David Popeno. [31:24] And these are academic and sociological community studies that have come to understand that there is something about faithfulness to marriage of a husband and wife. [31:33] With any circumstance, even a volatile one. [31:38] So even with moms and dads that fight all the time, they’ve found those children benefit from parents staying together.

[31:50] Those are not Christian studies.

[31:54] Those who are not Christian and used to fight against it have even come to the admittance that it’s true. [32:00] In other words, there was a time when they said there’s no difference from single parenthood. [32:05] There’s no difference from the marriage covenant. [32:07] There’s no difference from stepdad and real dad. [32:10] And they argued this. [32:11] But then they did 20 and 30 year studies that they didn’t have all the information back on.

[32:16] But in the mid 90s, the information started coming back. [32:19] And as the information came back, they couldn’t deny the science behind the studies. [32:24] And so those who fought against staying together said, we were wrong. [32:28] It benefits the child for your marriage to stay together. [32:32] So the most significant thing you can do for your children is to value your marriage, to love your husband and wife.

[32:42] Journal of Adolescent Health recently released a study showing that when you recently released a study showing that when the biological father is present, [32:54] because that’s the struggle in our culture.

[32:59] The daughter goes into maturity and puberty almost a year later than without his presence.

[33:07] They don’t know why. [33:09] They don’t know if it’s a pheromone that a biological father puts off, that a stepfather doesn’t put off or that the mother doesn’t put off. [33:16] But they have said scientifically it’s been proven. [33:19] And when you delay puberty, you help the girl in every time situation. [33:28] It’s been proven through numerous studies. [33:32] And my Google blew up.

[33:34] And I’m using Google Scholar. I’m not using Wikipedia.

[33:39] Show incredible links between biological mothers and their children. [33:44] Down to sharing strange segments of the genetic coding in the mother’s brain. [33:51] That they have no idea why it’s there.

[33:55] Friends, love your wife. Love your husband. [34:00] It is God’s design. [34:02] And the most amazing part is that most of the studies end with, specifically when it’s a non-Christian study, [34:09] they’ll say, we can’t figure this out. [34:11] We don’t know why. [34:14] And I say, I know why.

[34:17] That’s the way God designed it.

[34:23] Children matter more.

[34:27] Children matter more. [34:28] The covenant of marriage includes the entire family unit. [34:32] Your family is something to find joy in. [34:35] Psalm 127 tells us that children are a heritage from the Lord. [34:38] Here’s the way the psalmist writes. He says, Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord. [34:42] The fruit of the womb, a reward.

[34:45] That’s got to rewire your thinking, mothers. [34:49] If you look at your children and you say, I don’t like you, I don’t love you, I don’t want you.

[34:57] God says, the fruit of the womb is a reward.

[35:03] So at 3 a.m.

[35:08] Read that!

[35:12] Because I know it’s hard. Here’s the thing. I got kids. [35:16] It’s hard.

[35:20] Like arrows in the hand of a warrior. [35:22] He goes from the wife and he’s like, OK, I want to speak man language here. [35:29] He says, like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the child of one’s youth. [35:33] Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them. [35:35] He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in his gate. [35:39] In other words, when you go to the gate, that’s where you kind of have the treaties of warfare going on.

[35:45] And I guess they must have gone and said, bro, I got 20. [35:49] And he’s like, well, that’s quite a man. [35:51] What he’s saying is minivans are masculine.

[35:57] That’s what he’s saying. [36:00] All right. [36:01] Got to stop this foolishness. [36:05] Of I’m never going to get a minivan. [36:06] I said it. [36:09] Then I got one and I said, fertility.

[36:14] That’s what this shows.

[36:16] I see your truck and raise you five children.

[36:25] In our culture, marriage and family have taken a back seat to career aspirations, financial gain. [36:33] And even sometimes the holding back of our dreams. [36:38] This is a departure from the vision of God. [36:40] He has for us. [36:41] Family is the most sacred unit. [36:44] Family is filled with the most sacred of relationships that you can have to sacrifice other things for the sake of leading and loving children is a holy calling.

[36:55] You say again to sacrifice other things for the sake of leading and loving your family is a holy calling.

[37:08] But here’s the key. [37:08] Everyone says that children matter more, but most do not live like it. [37:13] Most do not live like it.

[37:16] How do you talk with your family?

[37:19] Are they a burden or a joy? [37:22] God presents them to us as the conduit.

[37:29] Through which we he sees me through which we pour his love into the scriptures present family as the conduit through which we pour God’s love into these the relationships that we fashion our love and allegiance to God in the gospel for does your family bring you joy? [37:46] Why not? [37:49] Always follow your answer that question. [37:51] If it’s a no, why doesn’t why? [37:54] Why not?

[37:56] What lies do you believe that make you not take joy in your family?

[38:04] The role that you play in your family is not to be contingent on anything but the calling of God.

[38:11] Here’s the key. [38:12] The family is a machine.

[38:16] The machine is not going to work. [38:17] [38:17] So if one part of the machine is not functioning properly, everything is going to be a little squirrely. [38:22] I know that. [38:24] You get you get two people in a marriage and you got more with children. [38:27] So if if you’re a wife trying to follow Jesus and you got a husband that’s just he’s sinful.

[38:32] He won’t repent.

[38:34] Then that machine is not going to work right. [38:36] But that doesn’t change the calling of God on you.

[38:40] God’s calling is not contingent on anyone else. [38:42] It’s contingent on you.

[38:47] If you have excuse me. [38:49] If you can have children. [38:52] You should have children. [38:54] We’re going to deal with this more specifically in two weeks. [38:57] But here’s the key. [38:59] Outside of biological factors which are real.

[39:03] In other words, there are some who biologically you cannot have children.

[39:09] Therefore. [39:10] You’re looking forward to the kingdom of God where these wrongs will be made right.

[39:17] But if you can have children, you should have children.

[39:22] None of the reasons for not having children in a marriage outside of biological factors are gospel centered. [39:30] None of them.

[39:33] You may have to leave a career or give up some other things you would spend your time on. [39:37] But you should make that sacrifice.

[39:40] The reason is that obedience to God furthers your discipleship. [39:43] God is right and you are wrong.

[39:46] That’s why. [39:48] We pretend that children need trinkets more than they need our time.

[39:56] Your children need you.

[39:59] They need you more than money. [40:01] Culture will tell us to sacrifice time with children for money to buy them things with.

[40:07] They do not need a bigger house. [40:09] They do not need nicer cars or more trinkets. [40:13] They don’t need them. [40:15] I mean, frankly, talk to a five year old. [40:17] They don’t even know what they are.

[40:22] They need you in their lives.

[40:25] You need you. [40:26] You should make material sacrifices that you can be present for your children. [40:31] Quality time isn’t scheduled. [40:32] I’m sick of the whole. [40:33] Well, I do quality time. [40:35] I don’t do quality quantity time.

[40:37] I can’t schedule quality time. [40:39] Who do you think you are? [40:41] The only way to have quality time is through quantity of time. [40:45] The quality happens within the quantity, friend.

[40:50] Your family is not a hindrance to the gospel, but rather it is a gateway to your discipleship.

[40:58] Jesus’s point is that everything that you do in following him is going to be tied to your family. [41:03] Because what God has joined together, let no man separate.

[41:09] So you cannot divorce your discipleship away from your family. [41:14] You can’t. [41:14] It’s completely connected. [41:17] The scriptures cast a vision for the family as an all encompassing reality in our lives. [41:22] The gospel goes into me and then it is to be poured out into my family.

[41:28] Do you have this vision? [41:30] Do you take joy in that vision?

[41:35] Your family is a gift of the gospel of Jesus. [41:39] It’s a gift. [41:41] You say it doesn’t feel like a gift.

[41:45] Maybe the way that you view things in light of the gospel needs to change. [41:51] Maybe some of you have been avoiding marriage. [41:54] Need to get married.

[41:57] Maybe some of you who said we’re not going to have kids. [42:02] So the bible says we’re going to have kids.

[42:07] Maybe some of you need to start making harder decisions than you are based on your marriage. [42:13] Because you’ve been making decisions as someone who’s not married. [42:16] Even inside of a marriage. [42:18] That’s not going to help. [42:21] Every decision that you make in your life affects your family. [42:26] And you need to own that.

[42:31] You need to order your world around your family.

[42:37] It’s because of Jesus that we do this. [42:39] As Joey comes up, as Hannah comes up,

[42:52] I want us to take a moment to realize who it is that’s saying this into our lives.

[42:58] In Matthew 19, when Jesus says this to the crowd, he says it in view of the cross.

[43:07] When he says Moses just did things for your hardness of heart, he didn’t say, well then un-hearten your heart.

[43:16] Now he said, I’m saying this, I’m looking towards Calvary. [43:23] Walking headlong into the thing that’s going to soften your hearts.

[43:30] Jesus went to the cross. [43:32] He took my hard heart that won’t love my wife right, that won’t love my children right. [43:36] And he took it onto the cross and he died. [43:39] And then he said, I’m connecting myself to you. [43:43] I’m making a covenant with you and what God has joined together. [43:46] Let no man separate.

[43:49] See, the promise in the Gospel is a promise that we make in our marriages.

[44:01] It’s a promise that would reflect in our marriages. [44:05] And it’s a promise that my life depends on. [44:08] And that is that my sin died the day Jesus died. [44:12] And the only reason I can obey him, the only reason I can take joy in him, [44:16] the only reason I can do what he wants me to do is because he saved me.

[44:25] And he raised me from the dead so that I could walk in newness of life. [44:29] And I could say, why do I love my wife?

[44:35] Outside of how awesome she is, it’s because Jesus saves.

[44:42] This morning I know I’ve got some hurting people. [44:45] I know I’ve got some people who need to make some hard decisions. [44:47] I know I’ve got some people who need some healing. [44:52] So that’s why every week we call you to the Body and Blood of Christ, [44:56] the bread and the cup, so that you will literally this morning come face to face [45:03] with the Son of God who sacrificed his life for you.

[45:09] When you take that into yourself, you’re taking the promises of God into your life. [45:13] And then I want you to walk out these doors. [45:17] Live for him. [45:19] When you’re ready, come.

[45:22] We are doing things a little bit different during this series. [45:25] We’re going to have a live question and answer time at the end. [45:27] We’re not going to be singing songs at the end. [45:29] That will be back for Romans. [45:30] But we really do enjoy this time here with you guys. [45:33] I do want to call the ushers forward to take our offering right now.

[45:37] This is something that we who call Village Church Home do as an act of worship. [45:40] If you’re our guest this morning, don’t feel obligated to participate in that. [45:44] That’s for our regular attenders. [45:47] I was blown away with how many questions you guys sent in this morning. [45:50] So thank you for that. [45:51] That’s awesome.

[45:52] We’re going to get to as many as we can. [45:53] I say this every time, and hardly any of you do this. [45:56] If we don’t answer your question, please email us. [45:58] We would love to talk to you that way. [46:00] But we just can’t get to them all. [46:02] But I’ll start right out.

[46:04] What is Village’s stance on biracial relationships? [46:08] My wife’s Latina.

[46:14] There’s your answer.

[46:16] I got this question in the whole world, three or four different ways. [46:20] Is there hope for people who have already had a divorce? [46:23] Yes. [46:24] Issues like remarriage and things like that? [46:25] Yes. [46:26] For a very long answer to that, if you look back on the podcast on our website,

[46:32] I did a Friday night event where we talked about the theology of divorce and remarriage. [46:37] And so I don’t have time to answer the whole question as much then. [46:42] So go on our website, listen to that podcast. [46:44] And then if you still have questions, come. [46:47] And I’d love to answer any questions you may have. [46:51] But the grace of God is greater than anything.

[46:56] So when you’ve experienced His grace, you have it there, and then you move on forward from there. [47:02] And there are biblical reasons for divorce, that adultery and abandonment are two, [47:10] that are a case-by-case situation. [47:13] But yes, there is hope in divorce. [47:16] There is hope in remarriage. [47:19] So go listen to that podcast, because I literally can’t do it justice.

[47:24] How can I find joy in my marriage if my spouse doesn’t treat me well?

[47:32] With difficulty. [47:34] With great difficulty.

[47:38] But in the Scriptures, and I’m specifically going to deal with some of this in two weeks, [47:42] because next week I’m going to talk about how to be a husband. [47:45] The following week I’m going to talk about how to be a wife. [47:48] And then the final week I’m going to talk about how to raise children. [47:51] But the Scripture talks specifically to the wife with an unbelieving husband, [47:57] and I know that’s not always the case, but I want to deal with that one, then we can branch out.

[48:01] But it says that when you are with an unbelieving spouse, stay with your spouse, [48:09] because you are the greatest hope that your spouse has of believing the Gospel. [48:14] So, in other words, you leaving that spouse is not a Gospel message, that’s a good one. [48:21] So it says, specifically for the wife, it says,

[48:27] It says, [48:28] [48:28] So it says, [48:29] Don’t subvert the marriage order. [48:32] You’re still not the head of the house. [48:34] He is.

[48:36] So, in silence, you witness. [48:39] And it’s saying, some of your witnesses, you’re staying with him, you’re following Jesus, [48:42] you’re loving Jesus, and it says, [48:44] He’s got a front row seat to the work that Jesus is doing in your life for an unbelieving spouse. [48:50] Now, when you branch that out and you now look at the spouse that simply doesn’t take joy in marriage, [48:57] if they’re claiming Christ, then they need to repent.

[49:00] If they don’t claim Christ, then you are with an unbelieving spouse, and you need to witness through your fidelity. [49:07] Read Scriptures like Hosea. [49:11] Read Scriptures like 1 Corinthians 7. [49:13] Read 1 and 2 Peter often. [49:16] Because it’s not, in that situation, here’s the truth, [49:18] It’s not going to be your affection for your spouse that’s going to keep you there.

[49:24] But that’s what we tend to want to depend on. [49:27] It’s going to be your fidelity to Christ that will keep you there. [49:31] And as hard as that’s going to be, it’s going to be difficult. [49:34] That’s the calling God has placed on your life.

[49:38] What should a spouse do if their husband or wife no longer wants to be married?

[49:47] I was once talking to a man in New Mexico. [49:52] I was visiting my in-laws, and I just happened to be at a coffee shop. [49:56] And it’s one of those God moments where it’s like, how did that happen? [50:00] But his spouse was basically deserting him and coming back over and over again. [50:08] And so we literally together for like an hour, we just sat down and read the book of Hosea, [50:13] where Hosea is a foreshadowing of Jesus Christ.

[50:16] He has an unfaithful spouse. [50:18] And God continuously says, go back. [50:21] God even says, don’t wait until she comes home. [50:23] You go get her. [50:25] And so I read through that with him, and I said, look, I know that the Scriptures do give avenues [50:32] for potential divorces when you have a flandering spouse.

[50:35] But here’s the great overarching ethic of the Scripture. [50:38] And it is that we’re to chase people with our love before we get love. [50:42] And so when your spouse leaves you for a long period, I will tell you to chase that spouse with the love of Jesus Christ. [50:51] There always does come a point where it is abandonment, and they want nothing to do with you. [50:56] And so I deal with that with a case-by-case scenario, and I have dealt with those cases. [51:02] But even in those cases, it’s not like, well, they’ve been gone for two days, so I’m going to move on.

[51:07] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. [51:09] We can’t treat marriage that flippantly. [51:11] We must pursue people with the love of Christ. [51:14] Your goal, and honestly, no matter what, I believe the scriptural goal in any sin in type of marriage is reconciliation.

[51:24] The marriage covenant continuing is always best.

[51:30] A few more marriage questions here. [51:33] What if the person I married wasn’t God’s will for me? [51:36] The moment you got married, it is God’s will for you. [51:41] That’s that. [51:42] Here’s the thing is that we’ve created this weird thing about God’s will where it’s like I missed it, and so I got to go back and get it. [51:49] No, you didn’t.

[51:52] You didn’t. [51:53] So that’s a lie that you’re believing. [51:56] If you are in a marriage covenant, the scriptures even with an unbeliever, if you’re in that covenant, that is God’s will for you. [52:05] So that’s stay there. [52:07] When you leave, you’re out of God’s will.

[52:11] We blasphemous the things that we do to God’s will sometimes. [52:14] And I’ve heard well-meaning Christians say that as an excuse for a divorce. [52:20] And I rebuke them because that’s just not true. [52:24] Should you stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of your children? [52:28] Yes. [52:29] And not just because of scripture.

[52:32] Well, because of scripture, but also just even even sociological studies and psychological studies are showing us the virtue of staying of keeping the covenant. [52:44] Covenant, Jesus says, let not man separate your emotions are man. [52:49] Your desire to leave are man centered. [52:53] The covenant is bigger. [52:54] It’s kind of bounces right off that. [52:55] Is it OK for parents to fight all the time?

[52:59] No.

[53:01] You know, no. [53:02] In the same lens, we’re talking about things here where what is God? [53:07] What does God want from me? [53:09] That’s what we always need to say is your volatility. [53:14] Dr. [53:15] Gottman, I can’t remember his first name.

[53:16] He he wrote a book years ago. [53:19] He’s not he’s not a believer, but he’s very smart research wise where marriage is concerned. [53:25] And I can’t remember the name of the book, but he did a study where it shows that for every instance of volatility in your marriage, for your marriage to be healthy, it needs to have five times more intimacy than volatility. [53:38] And so your children need to see five times more intimacy than they see volatility. [53:44] You’re going to argue because your centers. [53:47] I mean, you know, my wife and I don’t always see eye to eye.

[53:50] But the key is, it’s not because we’re perfect. [53:54] It’s because we’re imperfect. [53:56] So so Jesus calls us to fight our imperfections. [53:59] So you need to and this is one or the other. [54:03] It doesn’t just because your husband wants to be volatile doesn’t mean you have to vice versa. [54:07] So you need to seek peace in your marriage and your children need to see a mom and a dad who love each other.

[54:13] That’s all I mean. [54:14] That’s the ultimate idea.

[54:16] Move on to some questions about kids here. [54:18] And I know you addressed this a little bit. [54:20] I’ll give you another chance to talk about it. [54:22] Can you speak a little bit on Genesis one be fruitful and multiply Psalms one twenty seven. [54:27] But the reality of infertility. [54:30] Yeah.

[54:31] And we have people in our church that have struggled with this. [54:34] My parents struggled with this and then God blessed them with this.

[54:41] The funny thing is, they got me and they’re like, we’re done.

[54:45] Let’s be infertile.

[54:48] But but my mom’s over there.

[54:55] Here’s the here’s the here’s the key is is that we find ourselves in situations and the situation that we’re in. [55:02] God will get glory out of. [55:03] And I want us to always lead everything off with the inside of the cup. [55:07] And that’s the inside of the cup on anything that seems negative right now. [55:11] It’s going to feel that way. [55:12] And maybe if it is that way.

[55:13] But Romans eight twenty eight still true. [55:15] So if you’re in a case where biologically you cannot have children know that God wants to get glory out of that. [55:21] The key is is seeking. [55:23] How can God get glory out of that? [55:25] All right. [55:26] And I can tell you there’s there’s a great organization Change Who Waits in Virginia is an adoption agency that helps us adopt not just infants, but people who children who are a little older even into the teenage years.

[55:38] And with.

[55:43] Trying to be careful how I phrase this.

[55:48] When biological children aren’t present, some of the risk factors of adopting older children aren’t present.

[55:56] And so.

[55:59] There it doesn’t always cost thirty thousand dollars to adopt. [56:02] Sometimes the state will give you grants when it’s free and the older the child is, the more help you’ll get. [56:07] And so my my advice to you, if we sat down one on one would be as a husband and wife, you can still have children even if they’re not your own. [56:18] And the greatest way that we can fight abortion is adoption. [56:21] I believe that.

[56:25] Similar question to that. [56:26] Would you say to families who can have more kids but would like to adopt also? [56:31] Is that OK? [56:32] It is. [56:33] It’s you know, it’s it’s it’s complex in every situation. [56:37] So in other words, it’s not something to just run headlong into flippantly.

[56:41] It’s something you need to educate yourself about, something that you need to look at. [56:43] What is what’s the reality that we’re entering into? [56:46] But I would always advise people, you know, in the New Testament, in Romans eight specifically, Paul uses the metaphor of adoption to to to to describe what God did for us. [56:58] And so I can’t think of a greater gospel ethic than adoption.

[57:02] It’s a great way, number one, to communicate the gospel to a child who needs a mom and dad. [57:07] If we want kids coming to faith in Christ, we should have all those kids.

[57:11] If we want to fight the culture war, we need the kids. [57:14] You know, you went you went through the kids. [57:16] So because we’re going to die, they’re going to be alive.

[57:19] But yeah, I mean, adopt is so long as you can do so in a responsible manner. [57:25] Don’t enter into anything flippantly that’s that important. [57:28] That’s what that’s what I really want to communicate. [57:30] Don’t do anything with flippancy, but it is the calling of God. [57:34] I think we’re going to end there. [57:35] All right, go ahead and pray for us.

[57:37] Pray, guys. [57:37] Father, thank you. [57:41] Thank you for Jesus. [57:43] You are our God.

[57:46] Continue your work of redemption in this world and continue your work of redeeming and restoring us right here and right now. [57:54] Lord, I pray for every marriage in here, and I pray for the marriages that are struggling, the marriages that may even be over. [58:00] Or how pray you’d work.

[58:04] May the gospel bear so much fruit in here that the world cannot deny the power of Jesus Christ. [58:11] Name Jesus, I pray. Amen.