How To Love Your Family.

Steve Gentry

[0:00] Good morning. Welcome to Village Church. This is your first time here. [0:03] My name’s Stephen, one of the pastors here at Village Church. If you have your Bibles, [0:07] open them up to Luke chapter 14. We’ll be there for the majority [0:11] of our morning. We’re starting a new series today called Family. Your [0:15] mission starts [0:16] here. Throughout the service each week, throughout the message specifically,

[0:21] there will be a number on the screen [0:23] to where if anything I say causes a question, [0:27] you can text it into that number [0:31] and right directly following the message time, I will have some time of Q&A to [0:36] answer those questions. [0:38] Don’t wait until the end to text those questions in.

[0:42] If you wait that long, it may be too late. [0:45] Even if you think I may answer it later on in the message, go ahead and send it in. [0:49] Nate will just delete that if I’m going to answer it later on. He’s got my notes. [0:53] So, just go ahead and text those in as we go along. [0:57] But family is something that every single one of us have in common. [1:02] Even if you’re single, living alone, you have a family, you were raised in a

[1:07] family, you lived with a family, [1:09] good or bad, every single one of us come [1:12] from a family or live in a family. And these are the people that [1:16] we live with, we’re raised by, we’re united with or estranged [1:21] from, but are and will be impacted and influenced by [1:26] more than anything else in our lives.

[1:30] Your family, for better or worse, will have the largest impact on your life [1:35] out of anything else. Possible. And the reason that is, is because of time. [1:41] You spend more time with your family than you do anyone else, [1:45] especially in your younger years. If you’re married, [1:49] then you spend a lot of time with your spouse, I’m assuming. If not, let’s talk.

[1:54] But even the baggage that we often have, the resentment that we have in life, [1:59] the anger that we may have in life, often come from [2:02] family situations, negative [2:04] family situations, spouses we once had, [2:08] parents that we once lived with. Or, [2:11] for good, the positive thoughts that we have in our life come from family. Maybe

[2:15] you come from a background where you’re like, man, when people talk about this bag [2:19] they have from their family, I don’t understand that. I feel like I’ve had a [2:22] great family, I have a great spouse, I have great kids. [2:26] The question that I really want to tackle this morning is how does family [2:32] fit in the mission of Jesus and more than that, how does family influence [2:37] how we live the mission of Jesus in our lives?

[2:42] Colossians chapter one, verse thirteen tells us that God, the Father, [2:47] has moved us, is what the language means. [2:50] He’s transferred us from the kingdom of darkness [2:54] into the kingdom of his beloved son, Jesus. [2:58] And so when we come to faith in Jesus, when we believe that Jesus is God, [3:03] when we believe that he’s the one that came to redeem us from our sins,

[3:08] to save us, he died for our sin, rose from the dead to give us new life. [3:13] It’s not that God will sometime in the future [3:17] transfer us over into a kingdom with different values, a different lifestyle, [3:21] different meaning. [3:22] No, it’s actually in the past tense. [3:24] It’s that he has transferred. It’s completed.

[3:28] We’re in a new kingdom. We live in new values. [3:31] We once were in darkness, living like everyone else [3:35] that doesn’t believe in Jesus, but now we believe in Jesus. [3:39] So now everything has changed.

[3:44] And specifically for our purpose,

[3:48] family has or must change.

[3:53] Because quite often we are left to treat family as if it’s the untouched thing [3:59] where God is concerned, that we get our best advice [4:03] from everybody else out there in the world, [4:06] whether they believe in Jesus or don’t believe in Jesus. [4:09] We follow the same patterns as they do. [4:11] Sign our kids up for the same things that they do.

[4:13] Follow the same marriage advice that they do, because, I mean, [4:16] let’s be honest, it’s pretty tough to allow faith to dictate how my family does. [4:22] And if we do, there’s a possibility we could be those odd people on the block.

[4:32] My understanding is [4:35] that if you follow Jesus, well, you’re probably going to be [4:39] the odd person on the block, no matter what you do. [4:42] That’s if you’re following Jesus correctly, [4:45] if you’re following him, as his word has told us, you necessarily will.

[4:53] Have a different type of family. [4:56] You will make different decisions for your kids. [4:58] You will make different decisions in your marriage. [5:00] You will make different decisions even where your extended family is concerned, [5:04] because and this is just purely logical. [5:07] Think about this.

[5:07] We have been transferred from the kingdom of darkness [5:11] into the kingdom of his beloved son. [5:13] Will that then not necessarily transform [5:16] the thing that all of us would say has had or will have [5:19] the most influence on us in our lives? Of course it will. [5:24] Of course it will.

[5:25] If it does not, then. [5:28] Is there a problem? [5:30] Yes, there is.

[5:35] I think that following Jesus, where your family is concerned, [5:40] though, begins in a place that most of us would not necessarily think. [5:45] And that is it begins in my own life. [5:48] And so today I want to talk about building in your own life, [5:53] following Jesus, living his mission personally. [5:56] And then for the next four weeks after this, we’re going to deal

[5:59] with the relational aspects from each part of your family of how that’s going to work. [6:03] But today I just simply want to start with you. [6:07] And the reason being is that in the best example, [6:09] I can think of is when you’re getting on a plane, you’re flying somewhere [6:14] and they begin to talk about the oxygen mask. [6:16] That’s my most frightening part of flying is because they’re preparing me

[6:20] for the crash before we even take off. [6:22] I don’t like that. [6:24] It makes me a bit uncomfortable. [6:25] But they say in the event that we lose cabin pressure, these masks will will [6:29] will fall down and they always say, [6:32] get the mask on your face first, then

[6:36] help the person next to you, [6:38] whether it be a child, your spouse, a friend, an older person, whatever it is, [6:42] you get that air mask on yourself first. [6:45] And the reason for that is because if you don’t, [6:49] while you’re trying to get it on someone else, you may be oxygen deprived [6:53] and you may pass out and die.

[6:56] Well, then you’re no good to either one of you. [7:00] Following Jesus is exactly the same way.

[7:06] I’m often asked about our family ministries, [7:08] and when people ask about that, what they mean is, is what do you have for my kids?

[7:13] What do you have for my teenagers? [7:15] And of course, we do have children’s ministry, but for us, [7:19] it doesn’t start there. [7:20] And I was actually having a conversation with a neighbor a few days ago, [7:23] and I told him, I said, well, what we have for your kids is [7:26] I’m going to teach you how to repent of your sins and follow Jesus.

[7:32] Because the fact of the matter is, is no matter how much I do, [7:37] if your if moms and dads aren’t doing it at home, [7:40] I’m not going to undo an hour a week what you did the rest of it.

[7:46] And so when we think about how the gospel impacts our families, [7:52] we must first ask ourselves the questions of how is the gospel impacting me? [7:58] And so I want to ask you, [7:58] I want to take a look at Luke, Chapter 14,

[8:02] starting in verse 26. [8:04] Most people don’t start sermons on the family hearing. [8:06] You’ll see why in a second.

[8:11] Jesus is speaking to the crowds. [8:14] In verse 26, he says, If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father [8:19] and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, [8:23] and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. [8:27] Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. [8:32] For which of you desiring to build a tower does not first sit down and count

[8:36] the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?

[8:43] Jesus is speaking this almost completely in that era, in our era, in any era, [8:51] completely controversial and almost antithetical mindset [8:56] to how the first century Jew would understand family, [9:00] because to them, family is everything. [9:03] OK, and it’s not that different from our culture, [9:06] but I would say even more so in that culture.

[9:09] And Jesus looks to this culture and in Luke, [9:12] he says more of these hard things than he says in any other book. [9:15] Luke records them. [9:16] And Jesus looks to a crowd and he says, Oh, you want to follow me? [9:21] Well, I want you to do something that’s completely sacrilegious [9:25] to your entire community in order to follow me.

[9:27] I want you to hate your family.

[9:31] You say, how in the world is that even possible? [9:35] That doesn’t even measure up with what Jesus says in other places in the Bible. [9:40] If I do that, that’s not loving. [9:42] That’s not loving my neighbor. [9:44] It’s certainly not loving my wife. [9:45] It’s not loving my kids.

[9:46] How in the world could Jesus use a term like hate in order to describe.

[9:54] The most important relationships.

[9:59] In my life.

[10:02] Towards the end of Jesus’s time here on Earth, [10:05] he’s walking along the beach with the apostle Peter. [10:10] And he begins to look at Peter and he has this interesting discourse with him [10:14] about what love actually is. [10:16] And then he says, Peter, I’m going to require much of you. [10:20] Going to require some very hard things.

[10:23] And Jesus alludes and prophesies that Peter, you’re going to die. [10:29] For my gospel.

[10:31] It’s a Peter, as Peter typically does, he just starts, you know, [10:35] gets diarrhea of the mouth and he says, well, what about what about him?

[10:41] What about John? [10:43] What was John going to have to do? [10:45] Is he going to have to have something as hard called on him as I have called on me? [10:50] Jesus looks at him and he looks at every one of us when we begin to think, [10:54] what about this person? [10:55] What about this person?

[10:57] What is what is how I follow Jesus? [10:58] How is it going to impact that person? [11:00] How is it going to impact this? [11:01] Jesus looks at Peter and he says, Peter, do not worry about what? [11:07] I’m going to call them to you. [11:10] Follow me.

[11:15] The only hope.

[11:19] That your family has this morning. [11:22] In life.

[11:25] Is that you follow Jesus.

[11:30] Put the oxygen mask on yourself. [11:33] First, then. [11:38] You can hope to help someone else.

[11:41] Remember one this morning.

[11:44] We have to understand that the only way to love your family is to love Jesus more.

[11:50] I’ll say that this text is controversial. [11:53] It’s one that we avoid, it’s one that we pass over, it’s one that we kind of explain away. [11:58] But I want to talk specifically right here. [12:01] What could Jesus mean in verse twenty six when he says that we need to hate our family? [12:06] And what Jesus is doing here is he’s kind of doing some justice, [12:09] justice opposing on a phrase and he’s kind of turning around and he’s purposefully

[12:15] being controversial because he’s talking about a different type of love than any of them were [12:22] familiar with. [12:22] And he was telling them that as a culture, the way that they define love is actually hateful.

[12:29] And that for them to understand what their family needs, they’re going to have to in the eyes [12:35] of the world do things that may seem hateful. [12:40] And for you to love your family and for you to follow Jesus, you will have to make decisions [12:46] that the culture around you will step back and say, do you hate your children?

[12:54] Do you hate your spouse? [12:56] How can you deprive them of all of these things that the culture says that they need?

[13:04] Because there is a time in our culture where we must be honest and we’re not. [13:10] When the love that we give is actually hate.

[13:15] When we allow a world that does not believe in Jesus to define what type of love we give [13:19] in our relationships to others, it is not love at all. [13:22] A love apart from Jesus is a hateful thing if the end road leads to hell. [13:29] And the gospel informs us that anything without Jesus ultimately leads to hell. [13:35] Therefore, any definition that I give apart from Jesus as to what love is, is actually hate.

[13:43] It’s not love at all.

[13:48] Tim Keller has said that idols are usually good things that become ultimate things in our lives. [13:56] Family, I think we can all agree, is a good thing. [14:01] I mean, if there is such a thing, it may be the most good thing or the goodest of all things.

[14:12] But it is a bad God.

[14:17] Augustine, centuries ago, gave a lot of clarity to this text [14:21] when he said that we are to hate our families insofar as they are an obstacle to eternal life.

[14:31] That there is a way of pouring yourself into family, of pouring yourself into a spouse, [14:38] pouring yourself into a child, pouring yourself into a parent.

[14:45] That can take what God has designed as a good thing. [14:48] I believe this is Satan’s design in this world. [14:51] He doesn’t use in our culture specifically these statuesque false icons that are gods that we kneel before [14:58] because that is just too obvious in our culture for most of us. [15:02] But rather, he wants to take a good thing, something that God designed, something that God gave us to love. [15:08] And he wants to take it and he wants it to become an ultimate thing in our lives.

[15:15] Something that we would literally forsake God for.

[15:20] Something that if it was taken away from us, we’d look to God and say, you don’t love me. [15:25] How could you take this away from me? [15:28] It becomes an ultimate thing. [15:31] Family is a bad God. [15:33] Family is not something that is to be worshiped, but rather family is something that is to be brought to worship. [15:41] Family is something that is to be turned to worship.

[15:43] The reason family is a good thing is because God designed it to be a conduit of grace and truth into our lives. [15:51] God has designed it to be the messenger of the gospel of Jesus Christ into us. [15:56] What great privilege moms and dads have to be able to communicate the gospel to their children. [16:01] What great, great privilege husbands and wives have to be able to communicate the gospel to one another. [16:09] If our attempts to love, though, actually lead away from God, it can become the opposite and it can become a very hateful and harmful thing in our lives. [16:22] At times, spouses and even children are led away from Jesus because they’re treated with more reverence and commitment than what we offer to the one who is God.

[16:34] And when we get into that type of cycle, we are not doing ourselves good.

[16:45] Family is the most important loving relationship we have. [16:50] And here’s what Jesus means when he says, hate your family. [16:54] In Matthew, chapter 22, he gives what’s called the great commandment, which upon reading, we will say this is a clear contradiction to what he says in the Bible. [17:02] Look, 14. Jesus says you should love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. [17:10] This is the great and first commandment in a second is like it. [17:13] You shall love your neighbor as yourself on these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets.

[17:25] Note that he says you shall love your neighbor as yourself. [17:29] And in Luke 14, he says, yeah, even his own life. [17:32] To hate, we say, that sounds like double talk to me.

[17:38] Only if we don’t understand the context, here’s the context we see in Matthew, chapter 22, that Jesus gives two commands and even says before the second one, he says the second is like it. [17:48] What he’s doing there is he’s saying that we have a primary command and then we have a secondary command. [17:54] If you disobey the primary command, you cannot obey the secondary command. [17:58] In other words, you cannot love your neighbor if you do not love God. [18:02] Because your love to them is worthless, because it’s apart from God and God is love, therefore it’s not love.

[18:09] And so the primary command in this text is love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind. [18:15] Some texts say all your might, in other words, with everything you love God with your whole being primary.

[18:25] If you do that, the secondary will follow. [18:32] Love your neighbor as yourself. [18:35] So you cannot love yourself if you do not love God more. [18:42] Primary secondary, you cannot love your neighbor if you do not love God more than you love your neighbor. [18:51] If you love your neighbor more than you love God, your neighbor is your God.

[18:59] Therefore, in Luke 14, what he’s saying is the love that many of you have for your family is primary and you’re trying to give God a secondary love.

[19:13] You must forsake loving your family primarily if you hope to love God. [19:21] This is point. But in loving God, you will love your family is his hope.

[19:33] So he’s not saying abandon your family. [19:37] He’s not saying mistreat your children. [19:41] He’s saying the only hope your family has is if you have God as primary, because when you have God as primary, your secondary will happen. [19:50] Why? Because God demonstrates his love for us that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for our sins. [19:56] So God’s love necessarily branches out to love others because God loves others. [20:03] But his glory is always at the forefront of that love.

[20:06] And we cannot take that away. [20:08] In Matthew, Chapter 10, Jesus puts it this way. [20:10] He says, Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me. [20:14] And whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

[20:23] How do we do this?

[20:27] It’s like, all right, that sounds good. [20:28] Let’s have a good day. [20:29] I don’t know that we’ve answered the question, though, of how does this actually look in our life? [20:33] And there’s two measurements of love in our culture.

[20:40] Two things that we do that show love, two things that we give our family probably more of than anything else. [20:46] And it’s just the two sacred cows of our culture that I’m probably not allowed to talk about. [20:50] But, you know, I mean, the first one is time and the second one is money.

[20:56] We love people with time and money. [20:58] I mean, you guys have been on dates. [21:00] I mean, how much money did you drop on the lady you married? [21:03] Maybe you shouldn’t answer that.

[21:06] Remember, it’s either A, you’re stingy or B, she’s a false god. [21:10] So let’s be careful here.

[21:13] I may have just caused some marital problems on accident.

[21:18] Sorry, sorry. [21:20] You didn’t spend any money on me. [21:21] I paid for those dates. [21:22] Sorry, guys, don’t do that.

[21:25] That’s for another sermon.

[21:29] First off, we love Jesus with our time. [21:33] We love Jesus with our time. [21:35] I wanted to put that in the in the in the affirmation rather than saying a negative [21:40] comment about that, because I want to point you as to what you need to do. [21:44] But the opposite of that is true. [21:47] Anything you put in the place of Jesus right there is what you’re loving.

[21:52] You do love your spouse with time, you do love your children with time. [21:56] But what’s primary? [21:58] What does God say? [21:59] What does Jesus say is primary? [22:01] God, therefore, we are called to love Jesus with our time. [22:07] Primary and everything else is secondary.

[22:09] And this is antithetical to what we think. [22:13] Because how often do we forsake serving God?

[22:17] To give. Our family time.

[22:23] You see, we need to ask ourselves those types of questions [22:26] if we’re truly going to be honest with where we are in following Jesus, [22:30] where we are in putting the oxygen mask on first.

[22:36] Doctor and philosopher Albert Schweitzer once said, [22:39] there are only three ways to teach a child. [22:43] The first is by example. [22:45] The second is by example. [22:47] The third is by example. [22:49] It is our time and what we spend it on that teaches those closest to us,

[22:55] not limited to our kids, but also our children are involved. [22:58] That matters most dearly when we are committed [23:02] to spending times on things other than Jesus, then our families will follow suit. [23:07] You must understand this morning that you are discipling [23:12] your family towards something.

[23:17] No matter what you’re doing.

[23:20] The question is, what is it that you’re discipling them towards? [23:26] He tells us in verse twenty seven.

[23:30] That we are to take our cross up. [23:35] Follow. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me [23:40] cannot be my disciple. [23:42] And in following that directly after verse twenty six, [23:46] he’s giving us the notion that he knows that what he’s asking us of us will be difficult. [23:54] In other words, verse twenty six is not an island to itself.

[23:58] He follows it with verse twenty seven, because that’s his way of saying, [24:01] I’m asking something that you will think is difficult and will be difficult.

[24:07] I’m asking you to put me in front of your family for the sake of your family, [24:12] and that’s going to be hard. [24:15] Because it’s going to cause tension in your life. [24:19] It’s going to cause you to have to make decisions. [24:22] It’s going to cause you to have to do what he says in verse twenty eight. [24:27] Who builds a tower without first sitting down and considering the cost?

[24:37] I put forward to you this morning that I think many of us have gone forward [24:41] with family, life, career, many things, and we have not considered the cost. [24:47] We’ve not sat down, we’ve not mapped it out and said, [24:50] what is this going to cost me? What is this going to cost me? [24:53] You’ve sat down and said, like when you ask a contractor to come and give you a quote, [24:58] how much is this going to cost me?

[24:59] And the contractor has to go and he has to lumber, the paint, the screws, the nails, [25:04] every little piece, you know, how much gas is going to cost me? [25:07] And there’s your quote. That’s how much it’s going to cost. [25:09] He went back. He considered the cost for the quote. [25:13] And what Jesus is saying is that your life will be costly. [25:18] Sit down, consider the cost.

[25:21] You know, friend, that every thing that you do is a commitment.

[25:29] There’s a little theory that people came up with a few years ago. [25:34] And that is this term called opportunity cost. [25:37] And that is that every time you say yes to one thing, [25:40] you’re necessarily saying no to another thing. [25:43] Every opportunity that you accept means that you didn’t accept another opportunity. [25:50] Everything that you spend time on today means you’re not spending time on something else.

[25:56] Your time is, frankly, the most valuable commodity that you have in your life. [26:02] And my question this morning is, have you sat down and considered the cost?

[26:07] What takes most of her time apart from sleeping, [26:11] it’s about a third of your life for some of you more. [26:15] Consider the cost.

[26:18] Let’s not get into that. That’s sermon for another day. [26:21] Consider the anthel sluggard Richard Swenson in his book Margin. [26:29] It’s a book about cost. [26:31] He writes that in 1967, futurists testified in a Senate subcommittee [26:37] that due to the growth of technology and industry, [26:41] the average workweek of an American by the year 1985 would be 22 to 27 hours a week.

[26:51] Instead, it is now reported that the Americans average [26:56] annual work year has grown from 1716 in 1967 to 1878. [27:04] And that was in the year 2000. And it is still growing.

[27:09] So when we think about our time, understand that I realize that our busyness is at a higher [27:16] rate than it ever has been before in our lives. [27:18] And for many of us, not all of us, but for many of us, our career is eating our lives. [27:27] We’ve never been in an era like we are now where our boss can literally get us anywhere.

[27:34] Email us anywhere, text us anywhere. [27:37] We could do reports anywhere. [27:39] We go on vacation, got still be on call.

[27:45] This brand new era that we’re in right now. [27:49] And so if we add up the cost, if we add up our time, we realize that I’ve got commitments.

[28:00] What I’ve often noticed where the family is concerned is that this causes people great guilt.

[28:07] Great, great guilt. And I’m not downplaying that at all. [28:10] What I want to do is I want to talk about that guilt. [28:13] I want to deal with that guilt. [28:15] What used to be a daily devotion. [28:18] With our spouses has been reduced to a hopeful date night that often gets canceled.

[28:26] Time away from our kids.

[28:31] Is used so that we can afford all that we are told we need to buy and produce for them to be able to grow. [28:38] Into the mounting hours of work that’s awaiting them as they’ll have to work more than we do. [28:45] Our homes are bigger, our cars are nicer, our clothes are prettier. [28:50] And my question this morning is not, are you happy?

[28:55] My question is, is any of it getting you closer to Jesus?

[29:01] Is any of it getting you closer to the Lord, is any of it making you a more faithful disciple of Christ? [29:07] Or is it as the apostle, excuse me, as it is, as the King Solomon once said, [29:11] A chasing after the wind, vanity of vanities, all is vanity. [29:17] So just us peering in the mirror at ourselves, trying to make ourselves better, prettier.

[29:23] At the cost of what Jesus has defined for us to do, saying love me primarily. [29:30] Love me more than your job.

[29:34] Love me more.

[29:40] What often happens is we excuse ourselves from discipleship for what we hope is a brief time to spend time growing in a career or another pursuit with the intention to return to our faith later. [29:53] James four warns us about that. [29:56] When the half brother of Jesus writes, yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. [30:00] What is your life for you are a mist that appears for a little while. [30:05] Little time and then vanishes. [30:07] Instead, you ought to say if the Lord wills.

[30:10] Note that he starts with the primary.

[30:14] If the Lord wills.

[30:17] We will live and do this or that as it is, you boast. [30:22] And he says a hard term here, you boast in your arrogance.

[30:28] All such boasting is what it’s evil.

[30:32] So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it for him, it’s sin.

[30:39] We have a lot of young families here, and I’m like that, you know, young children. [30:47] And what I see a lot is, is that we have weekend guilt due to Monday through Friday commitment.

[30:54] And that is, is that because of our needs, we have dual income. [30:58] So both mom and dad work and we don’t see our kids all day. [31:00] We come home and we spend a brief time with them. [31:03] And and so all week we’re away. [31:05] And so Saturday and Sunday, these are the times that we pour into our children. [31:09] And at one time in our culture, it could be understood.

[31:13] And here’s what church looked like at one time. [31:15] There were four services a week. [31:18] There were four times that we came together [31:22] and committed to to worship, learn God’s word. [31:26] Now, in our current era and commitment to church, [31:29] it is only safe that I can assume you’ll be here three times a month.

[31:37] Trust me, I’m not planning another service.

[31:42] But what I am saying is, is let’s consider the direction that we’re going in with the use of our time.

[31:49] Let’s consider the direction that we’re going in with the use of our commitments.

[31:55] Let’s consider the guilt that we carry around to where we say no [31:58] to almost everything that takes place on Saturday, [32:02] to most of what takes place on Sunday, often to what takes place in a village group on the weekday. [32:08] And I must ask you, if you are no to committing to the environments of the local church, [32:15] is getting you closer to Jesus. [32:18] That’s what I want to ask.

[32:20] That’s what I want to consider.

[32:28] But there’s a second thing that we deal with where love is concerned, and it’s our money.

[32:37] We love Jesus with our money. [32:39] Or we love something else. [32:42] Primary, secondary.

[32:46] Verse twenty eight is so life altering to me. [32:52] That I want you to focus in on it, I want you to let it saturate you where he says, [32:57] for which of you desiring to build a tower [33:00] does not first sit down and count the cost whether he has enough to complete it?

[33:10] Don’t let it be lost on you because you say, well, I’m not handy, so I’m not building a tower. [33:13] I’m out. Thank God.

[33:18] I believe he’s directly connecting this to your faith and your family.

[33:23] He’s directly connecting this to who you are as a believer because it’s difficult to build a tower. [33:28] It’s different than another type of building because it’s more narrow. [33:30] It’s going to be higher. [33:31] And so the foundation is superbly important. [33:36] And we see the leaning tower of Pisa as a great example of building a bad foundation when things just kind of [33:40] you don’t want to live under that thing.

[33:46] When you consider the cost of building a life, [33:50] you need to build a firm foundation so that everything else will be built on top of it and will not topple over.

[33:59] But when we don’t consider the cost, oftentimes instead of building on bricks, we try to build on sticks.

[34:06] And life will get chaotic.

[34:09] When your life seems chaotic, when you are overcome with anxiety, when you are overcome with pressure, [34:15] when you are overcome with stress as to how you’re going to do it all, [34:19] what is your answer?

[34:24] Oftentimes, we don’t look where we need to, and that is the foundation.

[34:28] What am I building this life on?

[34:33] Did you know?

[34:35] That in the United States, we spend more money on eating out than the gross national product of two hundred and seven countries.

[34:47] As I said, our homes are bigger, our cars are nicer, but also our bellies are fuller. [34:53] And we have more degrees, along with a tremendous amount of student debt, [35:00] than ever before in the history of the world. [35:03] And this is living the dream.

[35:07] We’re also taking more medication,

[35:11] specifically for our stress and anxiety than we’ve ever had before. [35:13] We’ve never taken before in our lives.

[35:18] Is any of this getting you closer to Jesus?

[35:22] We don’t want to deal with our addiction to materialism. [35:27] I know where we are. We’re in the suburbs, right? [35:30] We have a tough time talking about that. [35:34] So we don’t often want to deal with our materialism. [35:36] David Platt has said that in the American church, there’s two things that God will judge us greatly on how we dealt with it. [35:41] The first is sexual immorality and the second is our addiction to materialism.

[35:48] Our time and our money go hand in hand. [35:50] There is great cost because one is commonly spent pursuing the other. [35:56] If we never consider whether our pursuit of and then use of money makes us more faithful, [36:02] dependent and delighted in and by Jesus, then it is hindering our love for Jesus. [36:08] And then necessarily will hinder our love for our families. [36:13] You cannot truly love your family if you do not primarily love Jesus with your life.

[36:23] Randy Alcorn, his Crait book on money says, sometimes our children will fail to listen to us. [36:30] Rarely will they fail to imitate us.

[36:35] First Timothy five, eight commands that part of our faith is supplying for our family. [36:41] We deal with that. [36:44] Paul writes Timothy says, understand that somebody that does not provide for his relatives, especially members of his own household has denied the faith.

[36:53] Right. So in other words, don’t quit. [36:56] Bring an income, baby. [36:59] Pay the bills, feed your kids. [37:02] But Paul, here’s what I want to want to put forth to you. [37:06] Paul is not saying that in a contradiction to Matthew, Chapter six, where Jesus says in verse 19, [37:13] Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth or moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal.

[37:19] But lay up for yourself treasures in heaven where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. [37:25] For your treasure is there. Your heart will be also. [37:28] What do you treasure?

[37:35] Is supplying for your family merely a financial obligation?

[37:40] Or is there more?

[37:44] Are you teaching your family how to steward money, how to save money, how to give and be generous? [37:52] But more than that, are you by your lifestyle fashioning children? [37:56] Honey, money is not our God.

[38:04] Money is often the reason that many limit the size or scope of their family, excuse me, of their vision for family. [38:12] And for that, we must repent. [38:14] We must not forsake the calling to build a family for the vice of material gain. [38:20] It is no virtue if you protect money by forsaking the call of God.

[38:28] If money were not an object, how many children would you have?

[38:35] If money were not an object, how would you educate them?

[38:40] If money were not an object, how would you lead your family? [38:46] That is where your God is then. [38:50] Because money is not an object in any of those three things. [38:55] And we have believed the lie of culture that it is. [38:59] And you may be saying, Steve, you’re crazy. How is money not the answer to those things?

[39:08] The reason money is the object is because of how you’re spending it, how big your house is, how often you eat out, how big your car lease is. [39:14] That’s why money is an object in that. [39:16] If you would just get rid of those gods, guess what? [39:20] You could do whatever you want, have as many kids as you want. [39:23] Educate them however you want to. I’m educating mine for free.

[39:33] We must be brutally honest with ourselves where our discipleship in money and family is concerned.

[39:41] We must consider the cost. If you want your family to follow Jesus, there’s only one option. [39:45] Follow Jesus!

[39:50] Is the way you are living for Jesus building up a treasure in your life and mind for His kingdom.

[40:02] What if the answer is not always more money?

[40:09] How often do you sit down and say, if I just had more money?

[40:14] I’ve done it yesterday.

[40:18] I’m with you on all these things, guys. [40:21] I’m looking in the mirror. [40:23] If I just had more money, I would have this problem. If I just had more money, I could do this. [40:27] If I just had more money, I could do that. If I just had more money, how often do you say, if I just had more Jesus?

[40:34] If I just had more of the Lord in my life, why is money our answer to everything?

[40:43] And what does that reveal about us?

[40:49] How much are we following what culture says compared to how much we’re following what Jesus has just made crystal clear? [40:55] Yet we pretend it’s mystical and a mystery and we don’t get it. [40:59] Sometimes we pretend that so that we won’t have to obey it.

[41:04] Finally, this morning, your family needs you to be a disciple of Jesus. [41:08] You are the guide for your family. [41:11] Note that I’ve said you a lot and I’m not picked one spouse or one family member. [41:17] It’s because I want it to land on everyone’s lap. [41:20] You, you, you.

[41:24] My hope today is simple. [41:26] Here’s my hope today. [41:29] Consider.

[41:32] Because I think for all of us, that’s where we start.

[41:36] Because we haven’t considered the cost. [41:39] I want you to sit down and I want you to be honest and I want you to consider.

[41:43] We must consider what our greatest love is in life. [41:46] Are we sacrificing our faith and then by that sacrifice, sacrificing the faith of our family? [41:52] Most of us need to recognize that our lives in major ways need to be reorganized if we’re going to follow Jesus.

[42:03] We need to make major decisions, not simple decisions, not fit the mission into our lives, but make the mission our lives.

[42:11] Do your decisions reflect Jesus as God or do they just go along with everything else? [42:19] The cross means that even in this moment.

[42:23] Jesus will forgive us. [42:25] If we’ve not been following. [42:28] In this moment.

[42:31] For your family, Jesus says, bear your cross.

[42:37] And come after me. [42:40] That is where it begins. [42:43] For your family.

[42:46] As Joey comes up in this moment, I want us to realize.

[42:54] That we have the hope put before us every single week. [42:58] Soon in communion, the bread. [43:02] Represents Jesus is atoning sacrifice by giving himself over to die on the cross for all of our failures. [43:10] Every failure that I ever have had and will have of leading my family, which are many because I’m going to do it imperfectly. [43:17] He gave his body over for that. [43:19] So the bread represents Jesus forgiveness of our sins.

[43:24] But you know that the blood cup. [43:28] It represents something else. [43:31] It represents what’s called the new covenant. [43:34] Or the new life.

[43:37] See, blood has always been. [43:40] God’s way of showing us life. [43:42] When it leaves the body, we lose life. [43:45] When it flows through the body, it gives life. [43:48] And in Jesus’ blood.

[43:51] He wants us to know that he offers us a new way. [43:56] He offers us a change.

[44:00] A new way of living life, a new way of seeing life, a new strength for your life. [44:05] A brand new day.

[44:09] So when we eat of the bread, we celebrate. [44:13] I’m forgiven.

[44:16] When we drink of the cup, we celebrate. [44:20] I’m changed.

[44:24] So if you’re a follower of Jesus in here, I’ll call you in just a moment. [44:27] To come and celebrate that. [44:31] And when you go home, you’re with your family. [44:34] And you see it. [44:37] First, I want you to see it as a gift from God.

[44:41] For some of us, that needs to change the way we just look at them.

[44:45] And secondly, maybe today you should look at everybody and say, [44:51] I see a new path for us. [44:54] But understand that it begins with you.

[44:58] When you’re ready, come. [45:00] So this morning we’re doing things a little bit different as you go ahead and finish an up communion there. [45:05] We’re going to have a question and answer time at the end of every service during this family series. [45:09] We’re not going to sing songs at the end for this month. [45:11] But right now I actually want to call the ushers forward for our offering. [45:16] Something we do each and every week here at Village Church as part of our worship to God, giving of our finances and what he’s given to us.

[45:23] If you’re a guest with us, please feel free to let that pass you by. [45:26] We hope this service has been our gift to you. [45:29] But right now we’re going to go ahead and ask some questions that you guys have sent in. [45:33] I appreciate the questions. [45:34] I want to say, too, at the beginning, we can’t get to them all. [45:37] But please, by all means, if you ask something that didn’t get answered, please email us through the week.

[45:41] We would love to hear from you. [45:43] But just to get us going right away, a question that came in is, shouldn’t it be important to find your career satisfying?

[45:54] No.

[45:58] Here’s what I mean by no. Let me qualify it. [46:01] It’s not wrong to like your job, but it is wrong to love your job more than you love Jesus.

[46:08] In the video, you note that he said that every day you have the opportunity to live the mission in your workplace, in your career. [46:16] And so what we have right now in our culture, and this is the discipleship of our culture, all right, [46:21] it’s this new trend of young people holding out until they find their dream job. [46:26] And so that means the average tenure of somebody between the ages of 25 and 35 at a job is just over a year. [46:31] And so we quit jobs really fast. [46:33] We have commitment problems, and that’s because everybody’s wanting to go big or go home, so they typically take their ball and go home.

[46:40] All right. And that’s why we have Boomerang kids coming home. [46:43] And it’s because we fed them a lie. [46:44] Here’s the lie we fed them, that your career will satisfy you. [46:47] You know what satisfies you, God? [46:50] Your job, if it supports your family, if it enables you to live the mission of Jesus, that’s a good job. [47:00] That’s a good job.

[47:03] What do we do if we feel like there’s nothing we can cut from our life to be less busy? [47:10] You haven’t looked hard enough.

[47:14] But also, I think that’s why what we do as a church is very important. [47:21] And sometimes that’s why community is so important. [47:25] Because sometimes we need other eyes, because we see our lives really dimly. [47:32] Here’s what I mean. [47:33] There’s some things that you guys would hold as non-negotiables, and I’m like, that’s a non-negotiable?

[47:39] Come on. [47:40] There are some things that we are so married to, and it’s like, I can’t live without that. [47:46] They lived without it for like 2,000 years. [47:50] And they just invented that in 83, and now we can’t live without it? [47:55] So I think, if you don’t want to do it in a group, you can come sit down with me. [48:05] And you know I’ll be honest, if nothing else.

[48:08] So I think sometimes we’re not looking hard enough.

[48:13] How can we tell if we’re making family into a god and not just being good providers like we saw in Timothy?

[48:20] Yeah. [48:22] And I think the thing to look at here is the tension of following Jesus with our whole hearts. [48:30] What are you saying no to so that you can say yes to this?

[48:34] That’s typically how I would do it for me, is what is this going to cost me? [48:39] Where my life is actually concerned? [48:43] And also kind of like the introspective thing of what’s negotiable in your life. [48:47] I think that feeds very highly into that. [48:50] Is that what we do is we use providing as an excuse to indulge.

[48:57] And so we tend to be very indulgent. [49:00] And so it’s just like, how are you actually spending your money? [49:03] How much money do you actually need? [49:06] How many hours are you actually working in this season? [49:10] I take James 4 very seriously. [49:12] Paul even says in Romans, he says the days are evil.

[49:16] That’s how short our lives are.

[49:20] So a question that came in says, I agree with everything you’re saying about money and time, [49:25] but I always feel like we’re just getting by. [49:28] So what can we do? [49:30] [49:31] And that’s, I think that’s where a lot of people feel they are. [49:35] Some are.

[49:37] So I don’t want to say that. [49:40] And some of it’s because we’ve been disobedient. [49:43] We’ve been unfugal. [49:44] We’ve been irresponsible and we’ve sunk ourselves into debt. [49:47] You know, some of us went to college and all we heard was free money. [49:52] And then we get out and it’s like, I have to pay that back?

[49:55] And so it’s hampering us. [49:58] And so here’s the thing. [50:00] When I preach things like this, I understand that the answer isn’t as easy as tomorrow for some people. [50:06] For some people, obeying Jesus is a long, hard obedience in the right direction. [50:11] And that means that it’s going to take you five years to right the ship, [50:15] that you’re going to have to start going through financial peace.

[50:19] You’re going to have to start stop understanding that money isn’t a good God, [50:24] that nothing’s a good God except good God. [50:26] And then on top of that, you’re going to begin to have to take the really hard. [50:31] And I know it’s a hard road of paying off debt, of getting out of car payments, [50:38] maybe downsizing your house and just making wiser decisions. [50:43] But here’s the key.

[50:44] Repentance is not just saying, God, I’m sorry. [50:48] Repentance is also, God, I’m going to do the hard work of change. [50:53] And through your grace, you’ve accepted me. [50:55] And I’m not doing this so you’ll love me. [50:56] I’m doing this because you love me in Jesus. [50:59] And God will empower you to do those hard things.

[51:04] How do we keep from going the other direction [51:07] and neglecting our family in order to serve God? [51:10] Yeah. [51:10] This is one that I see a lot where pastors are concerned specifically. [51:16] But I think it really goes to the heart of what is loving your family. [51:22] Loving your family never means saying no to Jesus, first of all.

[51:26] But sometimes it means not saying yes to everything. [51:30] There are some times when I’m at home and it’s like, baby needs me right now. [51:36] So nobody else come a calling. [51:38] All right. [51:39] But it is tension. [51:40] And some of it is you redeeming your family for the mission of Jesus

[51:48] and being willing to live with intention. [51:50] And some of it is, is sometimes I bring my children with me. [51:53] I bring my entire family with me to serve Jesus. [51:56] I don’t know where we got this whole separation of, [51:58] I’m going to go serve Jesus and leave all them back at the homestead. [52:02] It’s like we’re not out, you know, herding cattle.

[52:05] You know, we’re serving Jesus. [52:08] So bring your family with you and understand that I want my son to know [52:15] when dad wasn’t with me, he was serving the Lord.

[52:20] To me, if I’m going to be away from my kids, it’s for the primary. [52:25] And it’s not a tertiary or third thing, honestly, and I’ll just be brutal with you. [52:31] I’m not joining any bowling leagues. [52:33] You know, I’m not joining the Rotary Club. [52:35] I don’t even know what that is, frankly. [52:37] I’m not, I’m not, I’m not, you know, I’m not, I’m not over committing myself to tons of things

[52:44] because I don’t know very many people that stress their family out [52:48] because of how much they’re serving Jesus. [52:50] I know tons of people that stress their family out [52:52] because of the career and the debt they’ve sunk themselves into [52:56] on hobbies that maybe aren’t responsible.

[53:02] And I never hear kids in ministry grow up and say, [53:06] my dad just loved Jesus too much. [53:09] I just don’t.

[53:11] Don’t know the context of this one, but I’m just going to throw it out there. [53:15] How much money should you spend on a five-year anniversary?

[53:23] Probably really wrecking some relationship here by asking, well, son, [53:27] and here’s the thing, either the wife knows or husband sent that in [53:32] because there can’t be that many of you that have five years coming up.

[53:37] I don’t remember, my wife’s not in here. [53:38] I don’t remember what I did on my five-year anniversary. [53:41] That’s what an impact they have on your life. [53:43] But honestly, you’ve either thought in advance enough to save pennies,

[53:54] or you haven’t and you’re scrounging around. [53:56] If you’re scrounging around, you’re going to be able to do far less [53:59] than if you saved your pennies. [54:01] And here’s the thing, I don’t think that the answer is this poverty-stricken stoicism [54:07] where we don’t enjoy any of God’s good gifts. [54:09] So hear me say that, but there is tension here where you’re overindulging.

[54:14] And when it’s my anniversary, I take my wife out to a nice dinner. [54:18] I try to get away with kids, little kids, that’s rare. [54:21] But I take her out to a nice dinner because I want her to know. [54:25] But for me, nice may not be for you what nice is. [54:29] Some of you, it’s like I’d go on some serious debt just for the main course. [54:35] But I would say don’t overindulge, but also don’t take her to McDonald’s.

[54:40] I mean, I think that’s wise advice.

[54:45] Because here’s a big thing, all right? [54:47] Here’s what I want you to understand. [54:49] For some decisions that people make, they drive themselves closer to divorce even with gifts.

[54:55] Number one cause for divorce is money strain. [54:57] I think that’s a widely understood thing. [55:00] Therefore, if your five-year anniversary plans is going to drive you hundreds and thousands of dollars in debt, [55:05] understand because of the decision you made for your anniversary, you’re closer to divorce than you were before. [55:11] To be smart, be wise. [55:14] All right. We’re pretty much out of time. I’m going to fit two more in here.

[55:16] We can do it. Come on. All right. [55:17] I got nowhere to go. [55:19] How big of a family should we have? [55:21] How big of a family should we have? [55:23] I know sometimes I’m up here and I’m like, I know I’ve got the stick and I’m poking a hornet’s nest. [55:28] And I don’t know why, but I keep poking.

[55:40] Okay. Statistically, it takes a birth rate of 2.1 for the world to flourish. [55:49] [55:49] In other words, most people should at least have three kids just so that we can recover from all the deaths. [55:56] Okay. China and Russia, because of their slaughter of human life and abortion, [56:02] they’re at a 1.9 and under birth rate right now, which means that China is panicking [56:07] because as soon as the elderly die, they’re not going to have anyone to replace them at a rate that,

[56:12] in one generation, a whole society can wipe out. [56:16] That’s what history teaches us. [56:17] But also, I think we need to redeem our view of children.

[56:22] Children are a heritage from the Lord. [56:25] All right. So here’s what I want to not brush too broad a stroke, [56:30] because qualifier is that for some of you, this is a painful topic because you struggle with fertility issues.

[56:40] The grace of Jesus is for you. [56:43] It’s a John 9 thing where I think it’s John 9, where they ask, [56:49] was this man born blind because of his sin or his parents’ sin? [56:52] And Jesus says neither, but so that the glory of God can be shown. [56:56] And through your childlessness, the glory of God will be shown. [57:00] Okay. But on the other side, if you do not have those types of issues

[57:04] and you’re not having children for things that I said during the sermon, I think you need to repent.

[57:11] All right. He says, a quiver full in the Old Testament. [57:15] And I didn’t know many warriors that filled their quiver with one or two. [57:20] All right. That’s what we call a dead warrior. [57:23] All right. To get scientific. [57:25] All right. And it’s like, and I know I’m looking at a crowd. [57:28] I’ve only got two kids. I don’t know how many we’ll end up having.

[57:32] I don’t know how many we may adopt in the future. [57:34] I don’t know. But I do know that God loves children. [57:38] And the more children I have, the more Christians I think will be in this world. [57:41] And that’s a theological conversation for another day. [57:44] But I think you should have more than you think. [57:46] I’ll just leave it that way.

[57:48] I think you should probably just have more than you think. [57:51] And you’re like, but I’ve got six.

[57:55] Well, you got more than me, but maybe seven. I don’t know. [57:59] All right. Last one. [58:01] Does all this mean I should downgrade my lifestyle? [58:04] Probably.

[58:07] Probably. [58:08] And I say that to myself. [58:11] I mean, I’m an American. I’m conditioned by culture like everyone else is. [58:15] And so the things that I wake up with, and I’m like, oh, man, I need new shirts and new shoes and new pants. [58:22] And then, you know, then I start writing this sermon and I’m like, oh, I am such a sinner. [58:26] You know, I complain, you know, about my truck and all this stuff.

[58:30] And I’m just like, for most of the world, I’m like the wealthiest guy they’d know. [58:34] And so I think just wisdom takes over and all these things. [58:40] And just what kind of an example and this is what I have to ask myself more now than ever before. [58:46] What kind of an example is the way that I use my money saying, excuse me, showing about what I believe about Jesus? [58:53] And so if I’m if I’m just self-indulgent and no one gets an advantage from from me outside of my family, [59:01] then I’m just like, that’s self-indulgent. That’s just narcissism.

[59:06] And so, you know, we all need to step back and say, what are we what are we spending on? [59:13] Are we thinking this through? Because I don’t know that we have. [59:17] And like I said, my goal is consider. I don’t want to, you know, be a legalist. [59:22] But but Jesus says obey. Jesus says, make me look good in every way. [59:29] And I think our time and money are the last two that many of us consider. [59:34] So that’s what I think about that. Go ahead and pray for us.

[59:37] Our father, we’re so thankful and grateful for you. [59:43] When we are disobedient, you are more obedient.

[59:47] When sin condemned, grace abounded.

[59:52] And, Lord, it is my prayer that in this moment, when all of us are are considering, [59:56] when all of us are just thinking and when all of us are excusing or convicted in our hearts, [60:02] that our first step would be Jesus is enough. [60:07] I can have rest in him. [60:09] And because of my peace in him, I have the freedom to make harder choices than I would without him.

[60:16] Thank you, Jesus. Thank you. [60:19] In the name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.