A Redeeming Family, Part 1.

Steve Gentry

[0:00] All right, go ahead and have a seat. [0:02] Once again, welcome to the village. [0:05] If you were late, you missed my name. [0:08] I’m not going to tell it again. [0:10] Just kidding, I’m Steve, one of the pastors. [0:13] Happy Mother’s Day again.

[0:15] What’s interesting is that months ago, I mapped out to go through the entire book of Ephesians [0:21] as a church, and it just kind of providentially fell on today. [0:27] I didn’t plan it because back then I had no idea when Mother’s Day was, to be honest with you. [0:33] So I don’t pay attention to that kind of stuff. [0:35] And so mapped it out, and it just so happens today, we’re going to begin a three-week series [0:43] within a series, it’s kind of like Inception, a dream within a dream, on the family.

[0:49] And today we’re going to address being a godly husband next week, being a godly wife, [0:54] and then the third week being godly children and godly parents. [0:59] And it just sort of worked out, and I believe it’s by God’s grace, that we started it today [1:04] on Mother’s Day, and I would be in terrible shape later, I guess, if I did not recognize [1:11] another mother, and that’s my wife, Jessie Gentry. [1:15] Wow, what a woman.

[1:17] When I was 25, my mom got exhausted, and so it was like a relay race. [1:21] She passed the baton off to my wife and said, I don’t want him anymore. [1:25] You take him, you deal with him. [1:27] And so now it’s, I’m basically still a child, I’m just much bigger, and so now my wife [1:33] raises me with my mom as backup counselor. [1:36] She retired from the game.

[1:38] But I love my wife. [1:40] Happy Mother’s Day to our young son, Liam, who is the light of my eye, and more the light [1:45] of hers, because I was there, but I didn’t do the work. [1:50] So if you’re a father, you know what I mean. [1:53] Rough day. [1:54] I’m forever damaged.

[1:59] It’s kind of like that Seinfeld episode where George is like, the sea was angry that day, [2:03] my friends.

[2:06] Wow. [2:08] I didn’t want to see that, but I did. [2:12] I still have flashbacks. [2:14] Happy Mother’s Day. [2:16] Happy Mother’s Day. [2:17] And after that, you really understand why we have Mother’s Day and why it means more

[2:23] than Father’s Day. [2:25] It does. [2:26] It does. [2:27] Just trust me. [2:28] Again, love your moms today. [2:30] You don’t know what they’ve been through unless you’re also a mom, and then you’re even more

[2:33] grateful for yours. [2:35] So what I want to do today is I want to get to Ephesians 5 verse 22. [2:40] That’s where we’re going to start. [2:42] And last week, we talked about a redeeming community and the things that can kill community. [2:49] And what kills community is really activity and actions and lifestyles that are focused [2:55] on me, that are focused on my kingdom, that are focused on bettering me for the benefit

[3:00] of me and building my kingdom, whereas real biblical gospel-centered relationships are [3:08] the realization that we exist as part of God’s kingdom, and we are seeking to live as those [3:14] who have been redeemed by God, which inevitably brings the attitude of Jesus Christ, where [3:20] you count others as more significant than yourself. [3:24] You live as though others are more loved than you, in a sense, because you have Jesus and [3:30] you want to push that love to others.

[3:32] And in verse 21, Ephesians 5 says that we are to submit to one another out of reverence [3:39] for Christ. [3:40] And so what’s very hard, especially in our culture, is really understanding what that [3:45] means. [3:47] But Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, gives us this great example, and [3:52] he comes into our very homes to show us what that means.

[3:57] And he begins by looking at the relationship that husbands and wives share, and then the [4:02] relationship that we share with our children. [4:04] And that’s how he ends chapter 5 and begins chapter 6. [4:08] So to understand the type of relationships that need to form in a discipled community [4:14] where relationships are concerned, he goes in and he says, this is going to be an overflow [4:20] of what’s happening in the home.

[4:22] And the problem then becomes, we have to really look at what life looks like at home. [4:27] We have to look at what life looks like between the relationship of a husband and wife, and [4:31] that’s not very comfortable oftentimes. [4:34] Because any time two people get married, what happens is two sinners move in together. [4:39] And two sinners are going to mess it up if you give them enough rope, in which we always [4:43] have enough rope, so we always mess it up.

[4:45] Because we’re sinners. [4:46] We’re born that way. [4:47] We don’t sin and become sinners. [4:49] Because we sin because we are sinners. [4:52] So any union, no matter how much romance is involved, no matter how much you think you [4:56] love each other, it’s going to fall short of the ideal because you’re not perfect and

[5:02] neither is your spouse. [5:04] Neither is your spouse. [5:06] And today what I want to do is I broke this up into two different weeks for marriage and [5:10] then the third one’s on children. [5:12] So what I want to do today is I want to talk to the husbands and then next week you need [5:16] to come back because I’m going to talk to the wives and then the next week of course

[5:20] come back because we’ll talk about children. [5:22] And here’s the key. [5:23] If you’re single, the goal of today is to show you what to look forward to. [5:29] What you need to look for in a spouse and also what you need to be as a spouse. [5:38] But more than that, I do not want this to be boiled down to simply good advice because [5:43] that’s often times when we talk about marriage, that’s what we do.

[5:47] My hope for today is not that you be a better husband, not that you become a better wife. [5:53] I do think that’s going to happen, but my goal today is to drive you to understand the [6:00] foundation for which marriage was created by God in the first place. [6:04] And that is to drive you to Jesus. [6:07] So if you’re in here and you’ve been divorced or you’re in here and you’re a single mother [6:12] or you’re in here and you’re single, understand that marriage is not necessary for you to

[6:18] love Jesus. [6:18] Marriage exists as a reflection of Jesus. [6:22] So if you’re here and you are in a wrecked marriage or you’re in here and you’ve been [6:26] deserted, understand that your hope is not in a spouse. [6:32] Your hope is not in finding another husband or a wife. [6:35] Your hope is in Jesus.

[6:37] So when your marriage is not what you want it to be, or years ago you lost that, it’s [6:42] over and it just got wrecked and now you’re just living in the outcome of that. [6:48] Understand, I’m not here today to tell you you need to get married. [6:51] I’m not here today to tell you that your hope is in fixing your marriage. [6:54] I’m here today to tell you that your hope is in Jesus.

[6:59] And without Jesus, a great marriage with great communication where you just look into each [7:05] other’s eyes every night and you fall asleep just staring at each other, which is kind [7:09] of weird. [7:11] We’re not the same in that because I close mine, I don’t know.

[7:16] My goal is for you to understand that everything in life, even marriage exists to show us Jesus.

[7:25] So that wrecked marriage, friends, it shows you the outcome of sin. [7:29] Maybe not even yours. [7:31] Maybe someone else’s. [7:32] But still, that’s what sin does. [7:35] And I want you to know that there’s hope. [7:37] But that hope is in Jesus.

[7:39] It’s not in another person. [7:41] So let’s go ahead and dig in. [7:43] How does that sound? [7:45] We’re not done? [7:45] No, we’re not. [7:47] Ephesians 5, 22.

[7:51] Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the [7:56] wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. [8:00] Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to [8:04] their husbands. [8:05] Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that [8:10] he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so

[8:16] that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any [8:22] such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish in the same way husbands should love [8:28] their wives as their own bodies. [8:31] He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes [8:35] and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. [8:41] Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the

[8:46] two shall become one flesh. [8:49] This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. [8:54] However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she [8:59] respects her husband. [9:00] Right off the bat, I’ve got to tell you why we’re talking about husbands rather than [9:04] wives first.

[9:05] Number one, I don’t want all the women mad at me. [9:07] Number two, it’s sort of the reason, but not really. [9:11] Number two, the reason that Paul starts with the wife is not because he wants to pin her [9:17] down. [9:18] It’s because the way that God created marriage is that the husband is to lead the wife. [9:25] And the fact of the matter is that if the wife is not following, then the husband isn’t

[9:29] leading, and we don’t even need to talk to him anyway about his leadership of a wife. [9:33] So first, he kind of sets the order for which things happen, but the key is that the wife [9:38] is not to simply submit to a man. [9:40] She’s to submit to a man who leads as Jesus does. [9:43] So for a woman to understand what type of man to love and to live with and to cherish, [9:48] I need to help the men understand what type of men you need to be so that they will.

[9:52] So let’s start with the husbands. [9:54] Let’s start to lay some really good groundwork for this. [9:59] But I want you to understand that I’m a hypocrite right off the bat. [10:05] I don’t live up to this 100%. [10:07] I don’t know that I ever will before I go to heaven and God glorifies me and makes me [10:11] exactly like His son Jesus in image and action.

[10:15] But that does not stop me from seeking to be as Jesus. [10:21] Nor is it going to stop me from telling you how you should seek Jesus. [10:24] Because I want you to understand that we’re on the same journey.

[10:29] I often fail at being a husband that reflects Jesus Christ. [10:36] Look at the standard of Jesus’ perfection. [10:39] Complete sacrifice. [10:40] I am often selfish.

[10:44] I’m often irritated because of what I want, not what we need. [10:51] So I want you to know that on some levels we’re probably in the same boat this morning. [10:56] But I want us to be in the boat. [10:57] I don’t want us to just be treading water. [10:59] So I hope today husbands that you will do what I did this week. [11:04] And I looked at my wife last night and I said,

[11:06] This was such a hard sermon to write because it’s like a mirror into me. [11:08] And I’m sorry I’m not the husband I need to be. [11:11] And she’s so reassuring. She’s great. [11:13] She told me I’m a great husband. I think she lied to me just to make me feel better. [11:17] But she’s so encouraging and I’m so thankful for her because of that. [11:21] But I want us to understand, guys, we need to be humble this morning.

[11:24] We need to be honest with ourselves. [11:27] We need to be honest. [11:29] That we’re not always what we need to be. Rarely are we. [11:31] But let’s get into that. What is it? [11:33] And first, what I want to start with is marriage. [11:36] Why does it even exist?

[11:38] And what this passage really shows us this morning is that marriage exists to bring glory to God by revealing the work of the gospel.

[11:49] Marriage exists to bring glory to God by revealing the work of the gospel. [11:55] That’s point number one out there in computer land. [11:59] Trying to get it up on screen for you. There we go. [12:01] All right. That’s point number one. [12:02] But here’s what I want you to understand. [12:04] Paul is revealing not what marriage became, but what marriage was always meant to be.

[12:11] So to understand this, I want to very quickly go back to the book of Genesis when man was created. [12:16] And I want to very quickly just kind of lay some out work that when God created Adam in Genesis 1, 26, he says, let us make man in our image. [12:26] And he creates Adam. He forms him out of the dust of the ground. [12:29] And then he looks at Adam a few verses later and says, it’s not good. [12:33] This is the first thing in all creation that God looks at and says, it’s not good. [12:37] But why does he say it’s not good? He says it’s not good for man to be alone.

[12:41] Why is that? Well, the key really is in Genesis 1, 26, when God says, let us make man in our image. [12:49] The key here is what the Bible really pours out throughout the whole of Revelation is that God exists in perfect community. [12:57] All right. He’s one God, but three persons, God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. [13:04] It’s this amazing cosmic mystery. [13:06] And it’s one of those things that separates us from God, that he is one being, yet three persons. [13:12] He exists in perfect community for the same purpose, perfectly united, in perfect love.

[13:19] There’s no separation in the relationship. [13:21] They are just in perfect oneness. [13:24] But when you look later in Genesis, chapter two, verse 18, he says, then the Lord said, it’s not good that man should be alone. [13:33] I will make him a helper fit for him. [13:35] Then in Genesis 2, 24, after he’s created Eve, he takes Eve out of Adam, out of his rib, which is completely significant, forms her. [13:45] Adam looks at her and says, this is woman, because she came out of man.

[13:49] And then in Genesis 2, 24, it says, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife. [13:56] In other words, the term hold fast means never let go. [14:00] Means it means eternal bond. [14:03] And they shall become what? One flesh. [14:07] OK, this is the first marriage. [14:10] This is when marriage was instituted.

[14:11] And what God is doing is, is he is making a man reflect his image. [14:18] Because when we are alone as an individual, we do not completely reflect the image of God, because God is never alone in and of himself.

[14:28] And so he makes Eve, he joins Adam with Eve, and he says, you two shall become one.

[14:38] And Adam and Eve reflect the image of God as a married couple. [14:42] But what very quickly happens is that sin enters the picture and wrecks it. [14:47] Wrecks it. [14:49] All right. But it is not without hope. [14:51] We see that immediately they start distancing themselves from each other. [14:55] Adam’s like, that woman you gave me, she caused it, the blame game.

[14:59] But do you see the separation there? [15:01] See, there were one. [15:03] And now Adam says, but she’s over there and I’m over here. [15:06] It’s her fault. [15:07] I’m not in this isolation, community disrupted.

[15:15] And so we’re out of our relationship with God or out of our relationship with each other. [15:22] Marriage is forever marred by two people seeking two different things for selfish motives. [15:30] But here’s why it represents the gospel and why marriage was instituted as a prophecy of what the gospel would be. [15:39] If you notice in this passage at the end of it, down at the bottom, towards verses 32 and 33, [15:44] he says, this is a profound mystery. [15:46] And I say it is Jesus and his church.

[15:49] That’s what this represents. [15:50] And it always represented that. [15:52] And here’s why. [15:53] The husband we’re going to see represents Jesus. [15:57] The wife, as we’re going to see more next week, a little bit this week, she represents the church. [16:03] And what God does when he sent his son that we talked about previously in weeks past, I’m not going to really flesh it all out.

[16:11] Go listen to the podcast. [16:12] You do want to get to lunch, right? [16:15] Is that he redeems us and he begins to restore us back to what we were designed to live for. [16:23] He redeems us from our sin, connects us to himself back into relationship with him. [16:30] And then we can then because of that, begin to restore our relationships with others. [16:35] And what Paul is telling us here is that those relationships that are going to be restored with others are going to first begin in the home.

[16:42] So that you can understand why marriage exists in the first place. [16:46] It does not exist to fulfill you. [16:50] One of the worst romantic scenes ever in film history that everybody’s like, oh, look at the beautiful thing, is when in Jerry Maguire, Renee Zellweger looks at Tom Cruise. [17:02] And I don’t know why anybody would say this to Tom, but and says, you complete me.

[17:08] You complete me. [17:10] Good luck with that. [17:13] Try living up to that standard, right? [17:16] Here’s the key. [17:17] We oftentimes seek in a spouse that which only God can do for us.

[17:27] Paul Tripp, a Christian psychologist, he says the problem with marriage is almost everyone enters into it with wrong expectations and for the wrong reasons. [17:36] Most people enter marriage for someone that will fulfill them. [17:39] Someone that will always live up to the standard of romance and love and self-completion that they always need. [17:49] But the problem is, is that you’re living with a sinner.

[17:55] They can’t live up to that standard. [17:58] More than that, they’re seeking the same thing in you. [18:03] So you are seeking the complete opposite thing that the other person is seeking. [18:08] You want them to fulfill you, they want you to fulfill them. [18:11] Those are two opposing kingdoms. [18:14] No wonder most marriages end up like War of the Roses.

[18:19] Because you are seeking two different kingdoms, yours and hers. [18:25] The husband wants his thing, wife wants her thing. [18:29] And inevitably, someone’s going to disappoint the other or the truth’s going to come out and say, wait a second, you’re selfish. [18:35] Wait a second, so are you. [18:37] I hate you.

[18:41] Right?

[18:45] Why do we get mad at our spouses most of the time? [18:50] Because they’re encringing on our kingdom.

[18:54] Your spouse asks you to do something. [18:57] I’m busy with my stuff. How can you be interrupting this? [19:01] You didn’t do my laundry. [19:02] What?

[19:05] You know, it’s your kingdom.

[19:08] That they’re bothering you while you’re on your throne. [19:12] And husbands and wives, we do the same thing to each other. [19:16] And then we play the blame game. No, he’s worse than I am. No, she’s worse than I am. [19:20] The problem is, you’re both just as bad as each other. [19:23] You’re both sinners. [19:25] Right? But what the gospel does, is that the gospel, trusting Jesus and trusting His work for us,

[19:31] what it does is it relieves us of the baggage and guilt that sin puts upon us [19:37] and puts us on a path where we start to realize why we exist. [19:42] And that is to be fulfilled by God through Him redeeming us [19:47] and doing the work of redemption on our behalf. [19:50] He takes our sin and He becomes the focal point of our fulfillment.

[19:55] The problem is, we oftentimes don’t bring that into the relationship. [19:59] We still begin to live as if our spouse is our functional savior. [20:05] And when they disappoint, our entire world is wrecked.

[20:10] So what needs to happen? What needs to happen? [20:13] Well, first off, you need to understand that your spouse will never fulfill you. [20:19] A spouse is a terrible God. [20:23] A terrible God. [20:25] All right? [20:26] He’s gonna get fat.

[20:29] All right? [20:30] She probably will too.

[20:33] All right? [20:35] Let’s just be honest about that. [20:37] All right? [20:37] I don’t look as good as I used to. [20:39] I look better. [20:39] No, I’m just kidding.

[20:42] And some of you, when you look in the mirror, that’s what you think, [20:45] and you’re just kidding yourself, man. [20:48] All right? You are kidding yourself. [20:50] All right? None of us are 18 anymore. [20:53] Okay, how much plastic surgery do you have? [20:54] Is this gonna be forced back and you’re not gonna be able to smile,

[20:57] or that’s all you can do anymore? [20:58] And that’s just weird. [20:59] So stop it.

[21:02] All right? [21:03] Get old and look old. [21:04] It’s good for everyone. [21:06] All right?

[21:10] We have these false expectations because we want our spouse to be our God [21:15] when God is there saying, hey, I’m God. [21:18] They’re not. [21:19] I’m perfect. [21:20] They’re not. [21:21] All right?

[21:22] Marriage exists for the gospel before it ever exists for you.

[21:28] All right?

[21:30] So what I don’t want to do today is just give you a bunch of really good advice [21:34] and then leave you at that because the gospel will heal marriage, [21:39] but it’ll do more than that. [21:41] That’s the key. [21:43] It needs to drive us to Jesus. [21:45] And really, that begins with the husband.

[21:47] So guys, I want to spend a few moments this morning talking to you. [21:52] All right?

[21:55] So point number two this morning, as soon as we get into verse 25, [22:00] husbands lead through exempling the sacrificial submission of Jesus.

[22:08] All right? [22:10] Marriage must be based on a heart of giving [22:14] because that is the heart and lifestyle of God himself. [22:18] Throughout the scripture, what we see is this relationship between the Trinity [22:22] and what we really saw in Ephesians 1 through 3 is that in eternity, [22:27] God has planned the work of the gospel from before he ever created the world.

[22:31] So what you see throughout the story that scripture gives us [22:34] is the relationship of the Trinity at work in this world. [22:39] The Father plans the gospel. [22:42] The Son goes and works and accomplishes it, [22:45] and the Spirit empowers the Son. [22:49] But then the Spirit draws us to the Son who points us to God the Father.

[22:54] You see each member of the Trinity inhabiting a different office [22:59] and doing different things and accomplishing different things, [23:03] but for the same reason. [23:06] And you see each member in the Trinity giving glory to the other one. [23:10] You see the Father saying at the baptism of Jesus, [23:12] this is my Son in whom I am well pleased.

[23:13] You see the Son saying, Father, not my will, but thine be done. [23:17] Then in John 14 and in John chapter 17, you see the Son say, [23:20] I’m going to send somebody greater than me. [23:22] I’m going to send the Spirit. [23:24] And then you see that dance throughout all of history. [23:27] And what the gospel is, it is an invitation into that

[23:30] where we pour our lives out into the life of God, [23:34] and he then pours his life into our lives. [23:36] And so what the husband exists to do is live as Jesus lived. [23:40] And when we are living as givers, as God lives as givers, [23:43] God will pour us up, and this is what happens as a husband. [23:47] The outpouring of your life will be the life of God,

[23:51] and you will live to pour out into your wife. [23:54] And then through that, she will be inspired to pour back into you [23:57] and then into your family. [23:58] And it’s just this cosmic dance of you living to be as God has revealed [24:03] that he is constantly giving of yourself to someone else.

[24:10] And then it is a picture of the relationship of Jesus to the church as well. [24:17] What does Jesus do? [24:19] Jesus comes and he redeems. [24:22] Jesus comes and he gives his life. [24:25] Jesus comes and he dies on the cross for his children in the church. [24:31] Jesus is completely faithful to the church.

[24:35] Jesus is completely servant, examples, complete servanthood to the church. [24:41] Jesus gets down on his hands and knees and washes the disciples’ feet, [24:45] and they say, don’t do this, and he says, but if I don’t, you’ll have no part in me. [24:48] In other words, you won’t understand what it is to lead. [24:51] The problem is we read scripture sometimes, [24:53] and if you’re a fundamentalist who never has any fun,

[24:56] you may look at it and you may say, woman, submit. [25:00] That’s not the way it goes, bro. [25:02] Leadership is not a given. [25:05] Leadership, even in the home, is earned.

[25:09] Leadership happens because of your posture of servanthood [25:13] as you example the posture that Jesus Christ took to his church. [25:17] He doesn’t just look to the church and say, follow, [25:19] because he knows the church is full of sinners. [25:21] He comes and he says, guess what, I’m going to die for you. [25:24] Guess what, I’m going to serve you.

[25:25] Guess what, I’m going to step down off my throne from heaven. [25:28] In Philippians chapter 2 reveals that Jesus steps down, [25:31] becomes a human being, and he doesn’t flaunt his deity. [25:34] He doesn’t flaunt his godness. [25:36] No, he comes and he sleeps on the ground. [25:39] He eats with the disciples.

[25:41] He serves them and then dies on a sinner’s cross. [25:44] The scriptures say he doesn’t just become a man. [25:47] He then stoops down to the point of death. [25:49] More than that, he stoops down to death on a cross as a thief.

[25:58] If you want your wife to follow, friend, let me ask you this, [26:01] how are you leading?

[26:03] Do you just expect her to follow your bad example, [26:06] or do you example the attitude of Jesus Christ? [26:10] Don’t think the difficulty of this is lost on me. [26:14] This is a struggle. [26:16] This is hard. [26:18] The selfishness in my own sin constantly gets in the way.

[26:23] [26:24] But understand, your kingdom is not the one that you need to be building.

[26:32] Christ’s is. [26:34] So long as you seek to build your kingdom and expect her to live for your kingdom, [26:40] she will mirror the example that you are setting. [26:43] And she will build her kingdom.

[26:48] But when you build the kingdom of Jesus Christ, when you trust in his work, [26:53] when you understand that life is about God and life is about the fact that he loves us enough to die for us, [27:01] then we begin to seek his kingdom. [27:03] There is no relationship that ever functions properly without similar goals, [27:09] without similar purpose. [27:10] Most of the relationships in your life happen because of similar purposes,

[27:15] whether it’s a work relationship, a hobby relationship, or your marriage. [27:19] Your marriage is just like all of those, it’s just a deeper one. [27:22] You must have similar goals. [27:24] You must have the same purpose and path. [27:27] And when your purpose and path is Jesus Christ and building his kingdom through what he has revealed in the church, [27:33] then you will be going towards the same thing.

[27:37] You’ll be going towards him.

[27:41] And so when he tells us that the husband needs to love the wife as Christ loved the church, [27:47] we must think of texts like 1 John 3, 16 where it says, [27:51] then this we know what love is that Christ loved us and gave himself for us.

[27:58] You don’t know what it looks like to lead as a husband? [28:00] It looks like Jesus dying on the cross. [28:04] Luke chapter 9 verse 23, Jesus tells us that if we want to follow him, [28:08] we must deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow him. [28:11] And oftentimes that was what marriage looks like.

[28:16] It’s denying the lie that I am to be the center of my wife’s universe [28:20] and a realization of the truth that God should be the center of her universe. [28:25] And I exist to take her and help her on that path and she must help me on that path.

[28:31] See, the wife is not subservient to the husband, [28:34] just as the son is not subservient to the father and the spirit is not subservient to the son. [28:39] We’re different, yet just as valuable, just as gifted. [28:43] The wife doesn’t exist for you. [28:45] You don’t exist for the wife. [28:47] You exist for God.

[28:49] And lovingly, God gives us people to live in relationship with, [28:53] to live in marriage with, to follow him.

[29:00] The fact of the matter is that the joy of Jesus, [29:02] because sometimes that word sacrifice can be very hard because it looks miserable. [29:06] I don’t want to sacrifice anything. [29:08] Well, here’s the key in Hebrews chapter 12, verse 2. [29:12] I constantly come to this text because I think it’s such a brilliant revelation of what the gospel is. [29:17] It says that Jesus, we must look to him for all things in our life

[29:21] because the joy that was set before him, he endured the cross. [29:26] But look, he despised the shame of the cross [29:29] and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God now. [29:34] Why did Jesus go to the cross? [29:36] Not because he was a masochist. [29:39] It wasn’t because it felt good.

[29:42] No, it was terrible. [29:44] But because of the joy that he saw on the other side of that, [29:50] he endured the cross. [29:51] And what was the joy on the other side? [29:52] The joy on the other side was redemption with me and you. [29:56] The fact that we could bring glory to God if he did the work for us.

[30:01] So here’s the key, guys. [30:03] I’m going to make this really simple and really almost like too low. [30:08] No one enjoys cleaning a toilet. [30:11] But for the joy that’s going to happen on the other side, clean it.

[30:16] You understand what I’m saying? Does that make any sense? [30:18] What’s the joy on the other side? [30:20] The love of your wife. [30:22] I’ve never met a wife that was like, I hate my husband. [30:24] And he cleans the toilets too much.

[30:28] He serves me so much. [30:30] Who does he think he is? [30:33] I caught my husband mopping today.

[30:37] Creep.

[30:41] No. No. [30:45] I suppose put that on a much higher level.

[30:49] I don’t despise Christ for dying on the cross for me. [30:52] I’m so thankful that he did. [30:54] I look at it and I say, why would he do something for me? [30:58] Because I don’t deserve it. [30:59] But I’m so glad he did. [31:02] And I’m amazed that he seeks joy in redeeming me so that I can worship him.

[31:12] See, that’s the difference between joy and happiness.

[31:16] Happiness is this temporary thing that can leave us in a heartbeat. [31:19] Joy is eternal. [31:21] Because joy is found in nothing except for God. [31:23] It’s found in no one except for Jesus because it’s eternal. [31:26] It’s unshakable. [31:28] For happiness, you might leave your spouse.

[31:32] For happiness, you may abandon your family to seek it somewhere else. [31:38] Because happiness is all about you.

[31:41] Joy is all about God. [31:45] But the problem with happiness is, is as soon as you think you’ve found it in someone else, [31:49] boom, gone. [31:50] They’ll disappoint you too.

[31:56] A husband serves his family through sacrificial submission to Jesus. [32:03] Because as we trust in Jesus and as we follow Jesus, [32:07] he begins to create in us a heart that is just like his. [32:12] See, you cannot just do this on your own. [32:14] There needs to be transformation. [32:16] There needs to be an exchange of goals and exchange of purposes.

[32:20] You must exchange your purpose for God’s. [32:22] And that is what salvation is. [32:24] That is what redemption is. [32:25] You go from a place where you’re redeemed by the gospel [32:28] to a place where you’re looking in your life and saying, [32:30] where do I need to apply the gospel?

[32:32] And one of the first ones we must go to is our relationship with our families.

[32:38] Men especially.

[32:40] Men especially. [32:41] Because I’m one, so I know what it’s like. [32:44] Now, the husband then should guide his family into the mission of Jesus. [32:53] The husband should guide his family into the mission of Jesus. [32:56] Your family, your spouse is not the ends of your life. [33:01] It is a mean through which you lavish yourself and your family in the gospel

[33:06] so that you can drive the gospel into other people’s lives. [33:10] Your marriage should serve as an amazing apologetic of what the gospel looks like. [33:17] As the world watches you serve your wife and then watches your wife’s faithfulness to you [33:22] through the example that you set, they should say what is different about them. [33:26] What is different about them, excuse me?

[33:30] They fight, and you’re going to fight by the way. [33:34] They fight, but they resolve their fights.

[33:40] They have conflict, but that conflict seems to induce forgiveness. [33:47] So how does the husband do that? [33:50] I’m going to give you a list and then we’ll be done. [33:52] There’s a couple of things that we see in this text.

[33:56] First thing that we see in verse 25 is that the husband leads in love. [34:01] The husband leads in love. [34:03] The husband is to lead. [34:04] When you will not do this, how can anyone follow?

[34:09] Jesus did not waver in his leading, but did it with joyful obedience toward the Father [34:14] and into the glory of the Father. [34:17] If you want to lead your spouse, I’ve got to ask you something. [34:19] Where are you leading her? [34:21] Are you leading her towards what is love? [34:23] Because love is defined by God, 1 John tells us.

[34:27] 1 John also tells us it’s defined by his actions through Jesus Christ. [34:32] So the love that you want with your wife can only be found when you are leading her towards Jesus. [34:39] And let me ask you this. [34:40] Are you doing that? [34:42] Are you simply expecting her to follow you and you be the definition of love?

[34:51] Secondly, sacrifice. [34:54] Jesus said that his love and friendship was on display through the giving of his life. [34:58] He said, God’s greater love has no man than he gives his life for his friends. [35:02] You must give your very life for your wife. [35:05] There is a temptation in each of us to tilt the landscape of relationship towards our needs.

[35:13] The gospel though of Jesus reveals a leadership that is tilted towards the needs of others.

[35:22] What has she done for me lately? [35:25] Husband, that should not be your question. [35:26] Your question should be what have I done for her? [35:30] And only then are you living as God designed you to live. [35:34] Because if you want her to give first, guess what? [35:37] You’re telling her to lead you.

[35:44] Intimacy. [35:46] You have a culture obsessed with sex, so we have to talk about it. [35:49] Cover your ears, kids. [35:52] I’m not going to talk about it like that, don’t worry. [35:54] But here’s the key. [35:57] The root of the word seduction is I lead.

[36:03] I lead. [36:05] Husband, you are to take the lead in seduction. [36:08] And I think that this is where we struggle. [36:11] Because we live in a culture that just throws things in our face, throws images in our face. [36:16] And we want the wife to lead us in intimacy. [36:20] That’s you being selfish.

[36:22] You expecting a woman to take a position she was not meant to take. [36:27] Proverbs chapter 7 reveals the life of a seductive woman leading a young man into a path of sin. [36:35] And Solomon looks to his son and he says that all costs stay away from a wicked woman. [36:41] If you are being seduced by women away from your wife, understand that you are being led. [36:48] You may think you are leading, but you are being led. [36:52] You are buying the lie of this world that your fulfillment comes from someone other than God.

[36:59] It may be a physical person, it may be a fictitious person, it may be a screen person. [37:04] I don’t care who it is, but you are called to lead and not to follow. [37:10] Be a man. [37:13] Don’t be a child perverting that which God created to be good.

[37:20] Because sex was created to be an intimate thing between a man and a woman that really does reflect and reveal that oneness that we are to have together. [37:32] And when you are perverting it and having it with other people or using it as a solo act, [37:37] then you are taking it somewhere where it should not go and you are giving away the leadership that God designed you to have. [37:45] Lead your wife. [37:48] And intimacy is far more than the act. [37:52] Intimacy begins through servanthood, friend.

[37:56] All women think that’s sexy.

[38:01] Jesus told the disciples it was necessary for him to clean their feet so that they would have the whole of him. [38:06] And then he serves them to the point of death. He gives his very life for them. [38:13] Do you expect your wife to serve you? [38:16] Do you demand service from her? [38:18] Or do you serve others before you serve her?

[38:23] You ever think about that? [38:25] Everybody serves someone.

[38:28] The work of the gospel must begin at home. [38:30] If someone’s needs are taking precedence over the needs of your wife, [38:34] and guys, I love the moms in here, but if your mom takes precedence over your wife, you got it backwards, bro. [38:41] Leave and cleave. That’s what Genesis says.

[38:45] All right, moms. He’s a big boy. Let her take care of him.

[38:52] You cannot serve two masters. We saw that a couple of weeks ago.

[38:57] Serve your wife before you serve anyone else. [39:00] Don’t give her the leftovers.

[39:04] Would you want her giving you the leftovers?

[39:08] No. Serve her first before you serve anyone else. [39:12] When a husband comes in here to serve us as a church, I’m expecting that he’s first serving his wife at home. [39:20] I want you to serve your wife before you come and serve anyone else. [39:25] Because it is out of the overflow of your marriage that service happens to others. [39:30] When you’re living it at home, it will happen out here. [39:33] So guess what? If it’s not happening out here, I think I’m seeing a picture of the home.

[39:41] So if I see lazy men, I just assume that you’re lazy to your wife. [39:49] That is not a picture of the gospel. And you’re saying, who are you to judge? [39:52] I’m no one. [39:54] But Matthew chapter 7 says, good trees bear good fruit, bad trees bear bad fruit, bad trees don’t bear good fruit, and good trees don’t bear bad fruit. [40:01] So if you’re bearing bad fruit in front of me, I just assume you’re bearing bad fruit everywhere.

[40:06] That’s biblical.

[40:09] Well, judge not lest ye be judged. [40:12] Not the context. I’m going to preach a sermon on that at some point. [40:16] That’s the most taken out of context verse I’ve ever seen in my life.

[40:22] That’s about religious clothing, folks. [40:24] All right. And pharisaical attitudes. Telling you to be a good husband. [40:29] That’s convicting you. I’m not being a Pharisee because I need to be a better husband. [40:33] Love your wives for crying out loud. [40:36] In a world that needs to know the gospel, if we are incapable of loving our wives, how are we to have a world believe that we believe the gospel when the scripture clearly states that your marriage is a picture of Jesus? [40:50] Yes. Our marriages more often than not are a picture that we don’t believe in Jesus.

[41:02] Disciple. Excuse me. Faithfulness.

[41:06] Will Jesus ever abandon his church?

[41:09] Then you shouldn’t abandon your wife.

[41:12] Pat Robertson said that, and this is off the cuff, Pat Robertson said that if your wife has Alzheimer’s you can leave her. [41:19] Well, I’m glad Jesus disagrees with Pat Robertson.

[41:25] Do not abandon your wife because Jesus has never abandoned you in your time of need. [41:29] And if you have the attitude of Jesus Christ, then you stay with your wife through sickness, through health, through whatever.

[41:37] Discipleship. Does your wife lead your family spiritually?

[41:42] Guys, I know sometimes it feels awkward to be the spiritual leader, but guess what? We’ve got to feel awkward.

[41:49] Grace. No spouse will give 100% of themselves all the time. There is a great need of exchange of grace in our marriages. [41:59] There is a great need of forgiveness. If we’re to be a mirror of the gospel, we will forgive as Jesus forgives. [42:05] And we will struggle forward as the church struggles forward to reflect the gospel of Jesus Christ to the world around us.

[42:17] Husbands, you’re probably failing at this. That’s how I feel most of the time.

[42:24] We are to lead our families to Jesus. [42:30] If we sit in our shame of that feeling of failure, guess what? We’re still going the wrong way. [42:37] Guilt doesn’t change anything. What changes is when I take the lead by taking my failure to the cross, where I will find forgiveness and strength. [42:46] And then when I fail again, which I will, I run back to Jesus. His forgiveness never stops. His grace endures forever. [42:56] Struggle hard to lead your family and then keep struggling while Jesus keeps forgiving.

[43:06] Men, you will fail.

[43:10] But that’s why we’ve got the grace of God, which is greater than all of my sin.

[43:17] Tuesday morning, we’re beginning a six week discipleship group, an authentic manhood for the men of this church. [43:26] Six weeks, 615 in the morning to 730 in the morning. If you have to be at work at eight, we end so you can get to work.

[43:35] But if you want to begin the long, hard struggle of repentance and you can get out of work, or you don’t have to be at work until later, that is. [43:46] Not because you want to sleep in. Don’t be lazy. [43:49] But I invite you to come and begin to take that journey. I can’t fix everything or come up with everything in just this short sermon.

[43:58] But we can begin a path towards authentic manhood together as a community if we’ll just get together and be honest with each other. [44:07] So Tuesday morning, let’s do that. Let’s learn how to lead our wives.

[44:14] The hope of the world is in the home, because the home is to direct us towards the mission of Jesus, who loved us and gave himself for us. [44:22] We are to live as reflections of the cross. [44:26] As the band comes up, I want you to know next week we’re going to talk to the wives. Be ready.

[44:36] I said today that marriage is a picture of Jesus Christ. [44:42] Every week we partake in communion, which the bread represents his broken body and his shed blood. [44:49] The hope of change in your marriage is not in you.

[44:53] It’s in trusting and following Jesus.

[44:58] He’ll make you a good husband, but he’ll make you way more than that. He’ll make you his child. [45:03] And he’ll bring you a life of worship that’ll change you forever.

[45:07] This morning what I want you to do is if you’ve trusted in him, I want you to just take the time to come up, reflect on communion.

[45:16] Preach the gospel to each other. Preach that you believe this, that you believe the life of Christ has entered into your life. [45:23] If you have not, if you’ve not trusted in Jesus, I ask that you don’t reflect in communion. [45:29] Instead, I ask that you come up, you talk to me, go in the back, talk to someone back there. [45:35] And you find out today who Jesus is and how you can follow him into a life worth living because he loved you and gave himself for you. [45:46] You need him because you’re a sinner.

[45:51] And we reflect on his death because he’s not dead anymore. [45:55] He defeated sin. He rose from the dead. [45:59] And he lives right now, building his church through us. [46:05] So trust him. And follow him.